should a 12 year old be allowed to wear to 2 piece?

Question

I bought my daughter a 2 piece swim suit... her step mother cut it up and threw it away with the approval of her fathery. then they emailed me...

I am very upset with the clothes you for our daughter. I don’t understand how you can call yourself a Christian woman which means “Christ like” and dress your daughter like a harlot. I had Amy throw away the bikini you bought her. I asked her why she wants to wear those clothes and she said “because mama bought them for me”. she got all upset and very disrespectful with Amy and me. She yelled “you owe my mama $20”. I told her that you could take it out of what you owe me.

How should i answer this and should I get my daughter another 2 piece...

they swim suit bottome looked like a pleated skirt... and the top was like a sports bra... my parents who are 56 and 58 and VERY conservitive thought the swim suit was cute... they took my daughter to the pool in it... they were angry at the step mom for what she did

Answer 1

Whoa, step witch has issues. Cutting up the suit was too extreme, regardless of how she felt about the suit. i would worry about your daughter as she gets older being with a woman with such a temper.

Trust your instincts that LOUD WARNING BELLS are going off.

Are there other issues with your daughter's behavior? Is she extremely developed for a 12 year old? The difference between a one-piece and a two piece is not the line in the sand between a good girl and a harlot.

This woman is scary out of line. HAve you watched Mommy Dearest? God help your daughter if she has a girlfriend or (!!) boyfriend call when she is at Dad's house..

Be strong, and put your foot down about adult tantrums. The FIRST sign of abuse (this is on the edge of it), go back for sole custody. Make sure she knows where you stand--or she will bully you every chance she gets.

Answer 2

I am a 16yo Christian girl. I am very involved with my Church and love the Lord deerly.
I think your daughter's step mum was WAY out of line. If you had dressed your daughter in a thong bottom and no top, or made her swim nude, then maybe the step mum would have half a case but her reaction would still be extreme. From the description of the bikini you gave, its about as conservative as they come and probably more conservative than a lot of 1 pieces.
Take the $20 or whatever amount out of what you owe the step mum and her dad. Use it to buy a similar swimsuit for your daughter, to wear with you. Tell the step mum to take your daughter shopping for a swimsuit she thinks is appropriate and your daughter can wear that suit with them, and the one you buy with you.
And don't blame or criticise your daughter - not her fault the step mum is psycho.
B
P.S. My best friend lives with her Mum and Step Dad. She had to learn at an early age that there are rules for Mums place and slightly different rules at Dad's place. In your daughter's case one of those rules may be what she is allowed to wear. She will cope OK with that provided you treat her with respect.

Answer 3

A two piece bathing suit on a young girl is fine. The kind I'm thinking of would be called a tankini. It looks like a bathing suit at the bottom and a tank top at the top. I would recommend that for her. That way her father and step mother would not have any objections and she'd be right in style with the rest of the kids. (Not that Christlikeness will ever go out of style...)

1 Samuel 16:7 says, "Don't judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn't make decisions the way you do! People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at a person's thought and intentions."

Answer 4

Well, I see no problem with a 12 year old having a two piece. It sounds like her father doesn't realize she is almost a teenager. Bikinis are standard beachwear these days, even for young children, and as long as its not too skimpy or sexy, I think its fine.
The real problem sounds like its with your husband and his wife. It sounds like their problem might be more with you than with the bikini. It seems like they blew this issue way out off proportion in order to strike out at you and your mothering skills. If they dissapproved of the bikini they could tell you, but the fact that they made such a big deal about it makes it seem like they are other problems there and they are doing what they can to hurt you (ie "you call yourself a Christian..."). Its a shame that they feel the need to attack you through your daughter.
If the problem really is just abotu the bikini, perhaps you should talk to them about it next time you go to buy her clothes, but it sounds like the problem is a lot more complicated than that.

Answer 5

As long as its just a 2 piece and not a revealing bikini...I see no problem. However, if she is living with her step mom then I guess you have to respect her wishes. Cutting it up and throwing it away was ridiculous...and this is the woman who is questioning YOUR Christian lifestyle? I think she better go back to her bible. She should have returned it to you and had you take it back to the store to get a refund...or replace it with a different bathing suit. Answer her email and tell her that she shouldn't have cut it up - the proper thing to do would to have just returned it to you. Keep the email 'to the point' and tell her that in the future, it would be more 'Christ like' for her to call you on the phone if she has a problem with you.

Answer 6

You know, my 12 yr old wears a 2 piece, and it looks fine. My 7 yr old also wears a 2 piece. But you prob won't be able to change her father's mind. If i were you, i'd buy her another and just let her wear it when you take her swimming. Let them buy her whatever they think is "appropriate". And i would explain to my daughter about people's differences in opinions and the way ppl dress, etc., and that it's ok to respect their rules when she's there, but that she doesn't have to adopt them as her own. I wouldn't bother saying anything to them, altho i would have to think that they're not too "Christian" acting themselves to throw a fit like that and tear your daughter's nerves up. No wonder she got upset and disrespectful...what would they call what they did? I would call it outrageously disrespectful.

Answer 7

Gosh....there is nothing wrong with a two piece...my 6 yr. old niece wears one and I take her to the pool all the time, I wore one when I was little.....I mean, I know your daughter is 12 but still...she's a kid....these people are taking things WAY outta hand by saying your dressing her like a "harlot".....that's just totally uncalled for....they sound like they are really into their "religion" too..I would let your daughter wear a 2 piece when she's with you and then let them buy her a swimsuit (since they cut hers up) for when they have her....they can just buy her a one piece (if they insist) that way, both sides are happy and hopefully your daughter can muddle thru wearing the one piece when she's with them!!! Problem solved!
Good Luck!

Answer 8

It sounds like your ex and "AMY (Stepmom)" are a little extreme. I'm Christian and have an 18-month-old daughter. I put her in a little pink bikini and she looked so adorable. I think all girls should be able to wear two-piece bathing suits. Mini triangle tops and thongs are a different story. You could let them know that you disagree with them and like two-piece bathing suits. You don't have to tell them but you could buy another 2-piece bathing suit and let your daughter wear it around you but not them. Good luck!

Answer 9

Yes it's ok for a 12 yr old to wear a 2 piece, as long as it's not way to revealing. I think you should buy here another one. Tell her step mother to mind her own business. She may be her step mother, but the way i see it that's all she is. She doesn't any say so over what a mother buys her daughter to wear.

Answer 10

There is nothing wrong with a 12 year old wearing a two piece. I wore one when I was her age. They actually make bikinis for toddlers. When you go to the beach you see 3 or 4 year olds in them. I think they are being way to extreme. Do you have full custody or does the father?