I would like to know what you think about essay I wrote and what i need to fix?(it's not finished)?

Question

Oil has become an important part of the modern life. That’s why I chose to do my summer assignment on oil. I encountered my summer assignment topic, and found that there has been a conflict in the Nigerian Delta over oil. This conflict has been caused Ijaws and other tribes fighting “with each other and the federal government.” (_____________________) I chose this as my project because this conflict has not been in the news often like other conflicts such as the conflict with Israel, Lebanon, Iraq, North Korea, and Columbia. This conflict doesn’t seem to bring the media’s attention, but I think the United States should keep a closer eye on Nigeria since it is “America’s fifth largest supplier.”(____________) I chose this project to learn more on this conflict since oil is an important resource in America and through my research felt angered at the Nigerian government for their actions toward the people of Nigeria.
Nigeria is in danger of being corrupt. When oil is discovered in a country that is “poor, (and) fighting over scraps,” we would think it would be the end of poverty, but not so with Nigeria. Nigeria “pulls in $14 billion a year in oil revenue.” I blame the Nigerian government for not putting an end to poverty. Nigeria’s new wealth has been taken by “politicians, in particular by the country’s military, brought to power in the country’s late 1960s civil war,” who have been robbing the country’s finance ever since. There is no reason that the people of Nigeria should be poor, because the oil has been found on their land and belongs to the people of Nigeria.
The Ijaws used to be a “easygoing minority tribes, earning their living with other tribes by fishing in canoes harbored in the board delta of the Nigerian River,” but that was forty years ago. Most of the country’s production comes from the Nigerian Delta which is now causing violent outbursts. The Ijaws are now destroying pipelines, setting fire to pipelines, protesting, selling oil they steal from pipelines and even kidnapping people. The country is in total chaos. Crime and Violence has caused a “20 percent drop in Nigeria’s oil production” which meant “a shortfall of 455,000 barrels daily.” They have even stepped up their attacks on foreign oil. Even Shell announced an evacuation in February of 2006 to evacuate “an oil platform off its Atlantic coast as a precaution, shutting an additional 115,000 barrels a day.” In January, “militants held four men- from the United States, Britain, Bulgaria, and Honduras for 19 days before releasing them unharmed.” Tribes like the Ijaws, that were once peaceful are now armed and have been fighting for years claiming to be fighting “for better distribution of the country’s wealth.” I was shocked when I found out that even militants who claim to be fighting and representing the people of Nigeria have actually “evolved into criminal gangs, adept at stealing huge amounts of oil to sell on black markets, the proceeds of which are used to buy ever more sophisticated weapons.”
Even though the United States is not involved in the conflict, this conflict does affect the United States. Nigeria is the fifth largest supplier of oil “to the United States, after Mexico, Venezuela, Canada, and Saudi Arabia.” Almost half of Nigeria’s oil is sent to the United States. Nigerian oil is prized by refiners because “it is of a light, sweet variety that is easier and cheaper to refine that the thicker and sulfur-rich kind that comes from the Middle East and Venezuela.” Nigeria determines the price of oil in the United States. The United should keep a closer eye on Nigeria if they want to oil prices in America to go down. Nigeria has played an important role Africa and “is crucial to all of West Africa, having provided the military troops and negotiating forums to quell civil war and related violence in neighboring countries. “ Nigeria has also helped on fighting terrorism by trying to “monitor and defuse an encroaching fundamentalism among its own Muslims.” Several American companies haves stakes in Nigeria such as “Mobil, Chevron Texaco and Halliburton.” In my opinion the United States is not doing anything to stop oil from rising. I believe the United States should be more involved with the conflict in Nigeria.

Answer 1

You have to explain the role of big oil corporations in keeping the figth in Nigeria

Am investigation and report by Essential Action and Global Exchange found that:

Oil corporations in the Niger Delta seriously threaten the livelihood of neighboring local communities. Due to the many forms of oil-generated environmental pollution evident throughout the region, farming and fishing have become impossible or extremely difficult in oil-affected areas, and even drinking water has become scarce. Malnourishment and disease appear common.
The presence of multinational oil companies has had additional adverse effects on the local economy and society, including loss of property, price inflation, prostitution, and irresponsible fathering by expatriate oil workers.
Organized protest and activism by affected communities regularly meet with military repression, sometimes ending in the loss of life. In some cases military forces have been summoned and assisted by oil companies.
Reporting on the situation is extremely difficult, due to the existence of physical and legal constraints to free passage and free circulation of information. Similar constraints discourage grassroots activism.
...

While the story told to consumers of Nigerian crude in the United States and the European Union -- via ad campaigns and other public relations efforts -- is that oil companies are a positive force in Nigeria, providing much needed economic development resources, the reality that confronted our delegation was quite the opposite. Our delegates observed almost every large multinational oil company operating in the Niger Delta employing inadequate environmental standards, public health standards, human rights standards, and relations with affected communities. These corporations' acts of charity and development are slaps in the face of those they claim to be helping. Far from being a positive force, these oil companies act as a destabilizing force, pitting one community against another, and acting as a catalyst -- together with the military with whom they work closely -- to some of the violence racking the region today.

Answer 2

I feel you can include in your discussion a mention of the US's lack of a program to be energy independent. The US did not learn a lesson from the energy crisis in the 70's. The SUV is the embodiment of the ignorance of the US to the future energy crisis.

Another aspect is many companies reserve an amount of money for community service. Oil companies could be well served to direct some of that fund to the dis-enfranchised tribes. Helping with their plight would be a way to funnel some of the cash to people that can use it. It could be funded by negotiating a better price for the oil. If the local government won't do it for their people, the oil companies can, in an effort to keep peace and the flow of the product.

Current news has info about a pipeline that was shut down recently. Research that and see if it brings more pressure to bear on the situation you are focusing on.

A paper-writing note: Avoid saying, "The reason I chose this topic" statements. Just start your discussion stating the points that are important.

Answer 3

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