Are there things BESIDES being gay (yes, most people assume this, and YES, of course anything is possible... but, couldn't a guy have intimacy issues? or just have some aversion to sex- a hangup? or a lack of testosterone?... I have caught him looking at GIRLIE sites on the comp, so I"m seriously doubting he's gay.. but, for example, he does not like to go down on girls (says it's kind of icky) and he has worn a patch before- testosterone patch- which helped a bit, but he does not really like to wear them... If I don't innitiate it, we just don't ever have sex, though he holds me more than any horny guy ever has... go figure. We are both very attracted to each other.. but I could come to bed in sexy outfit, and he'd just hold me, no hard on... but when we kiss, he seems tense, not relaxed... and when we are successfully 'doing it', and he does not lose his hard on, he just never seems to emotionally 'let go' or even make a sound... is he maybe just afraid all the time now of
2006-08-01 12:48:04 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Men's Health
losing his erection, and so that makes him never really want to? I asked him once and he said he didn't know what was wrong... then I found all those patches... which he does not wear now. I have been nervous before with guys to where I could not ***... but for a guy not to come? He did, at first, but now it is as if he just doesn't want to go to the bother... or has to do it to me (sorry if TMI!!) really hard and fast to 'get there' (not exactly romantic on MY end)... so you can only imagine how uncomfortable all this is, and we have only been together a year... sad thing is, we get along so perfectly!! But, this is one of those things nearly impossible to talk about... I would never want to hurt him...
2006-08-01 12:50:55 · update #1
But, I'm soooooooo frustrated... he acts like this is normal... and I'm wondering does he really expect his girlfriend to go forever with hardly any sex? He says he wants a wife and kids, but I don't see how.... we could be making love for awhile, then he'll just get up and be like 'okay, that's enough for now'.... sometimes I manage to get pleased, but it's few and far between... also, I feel that it is a huge barrier to intimacy and truly 'being in love'... in the beginning stages of a relationship, sex is a large part of the bonding process, am I right? Has anyone, male or female, experienced any of this? Any ideas besides him being gay?
2006-08-01 12:53:45 · update #2
May be a midlife crisis thing. Stress plays a big part. Stop pushing him for it and that should help some.If not then he should talk to his doctor there maybe health issues
2006-08-01 12:54:04 · answer #1 · answered by symphonee3383 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not uncommon, Yes a doctor visit might help. but I will share a secret with you. Men are not as smart as dogs. Dogs don't suffer from impotency for a very good reason, they don't know that it's possible. Women make men. It only takes a wrong word for a man to lose an erection. The reason He doesn't lose his erection during sex is his confidence is up.
I had a girl friend that I could love all night and watch the sun come up. but it was her not me. I wasn't able to do this with other women. Her positive enthusiasm made any performance fears go out the window. The man that takes his time to love a woman completely and explore all of her fantasies has no performance problems. The sign of a man that does. He wants to put it in as soon as it's hard, weather you're ready or not.
The holding is good medicine, tell him how content you feel in his arms move around and make sounds of delight, syke yourself. say things into his ear etc. I'm going to stop here because sometimes kids view these sites.
The woman is the author of romance, she can make a Superman or destroy one.
Best of luck.
p,s. Don't tell him about this , It will have the opposite effect.
2006-08-01 13:15:10 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to see a physician. Could be physical or psychological. There is another cause - medication. A lot of medications decrease libido (sex drive). Many antihypertensive (blood pressure medication), antidepressive and steroids. If he can't satisfy you the way you need to be you must tell him for both your sake and your relationship. This is not a rare circumstance in our society. Viagra is being pushed on a lot of males with decreased libido but individuals with psychological problems the medication is no better than placebo. Get him to a doctor he is too young to have no libido. Wish I had his problem.
2006-08-01 12:57:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many things, such as meds and being tired, or tension from work, that cause erection problems. If you want to help, put all the ?s on the shelf for a minute, and just talk. Not neccessarily about sex, and frantic tries to arouse him will make it worse, as now he will have performance anxiety. I don't think that he dislikes you or is "not into it." He just needs some time and the kind of understanding you give your friends.
http://kidney.niddk.nih.gov/kudiseases/pubs/impotence/
Be there and talk and cuddle if he wants, and believe me, he will be glad that you are not blaming him. Many men, including me, have this from time to time, and we could do without penis problems!
2006-08-01 12:59:54 · answer #4 · answered by helixburger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm.....
34 is not old enough to lose his erection. At least not in a very alarming rate.
he's got some tension in him that makes him lose his focus on pleasing you.
talk to him about it in a nice way and ask if anything's wrong so both of you can fix this little inconvenience.
Good luck
2006-08-01 12:53:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's probably as simple as his being stressed..... it really takes a toll on a man when his stress levels are up.... I would definitely put my money on it. It sounds like things with you guys are good, and that's definitely a plus. Cherish those times he holds you. As for him being tense, he knows kisses sometimes leads to other things, and he's more aware of his "problem" (in his eyes) than you are, ya know? So, he's stressing.... Things WILL work out.... just take the time you need with each other, and it will be fine. There's PLENTY of time for sex!
2006-08-01 12:54:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
is he physically out of shape (overweight, little if any excercise) ??
does he have stressful job or put in long day at work ??
did he have a broken heart from previous romance
or marriage gone bad ??
he is a bit young for erectile dysfunction problems to set in,
but still a possibility so if it's been several years
since he went to doctor, you might suggest he
have a physical exam to rule out any medical conditions.
sometimes heart or circulatory probelms can
cause males to lose erection.
2006-08-01 13:02:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There can be many causes for soft or weak erections, or problems maintaining an erection. These causes include age (usually after 30), vascular problems, penis injury, such as damage to veins and arteries inside the penis, a hormonal imbalance, excessive stress and anxiety, diabetes, chronic smoking/drinking, drugs, over-masturbation and sexual exhaustion, or surgery. If left untreated, weak erections can lead to permanent sexual dysfunction!
If he is too embarassed to see a doctor about, he can always go the herbal route to help boost up his testosterone levels and help him gain and keep an errection.
http://www.herballove.com/library/resource/erection/
2006-08-01 13:10:28 · answer #8 · answered by lignebur72 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly i dont think he is gay...I suffer from delayed ejaculation which over time compounds itself and affects your sexual confidence leading to loss of erection ..then avoidance of sex...i have a very high sex drive but until recently when it came to sex i just tried to avoid leading to problems with my wife...im 35 over the years it improved as i have 2 kids but then got a lot worse. I swallowed my pride and went to the doctor ...who sent me to a Urology consultant who measured my testosterone(which was fine.) They deduced that my problem is PSYCHOLOGICAL,ive been referred to a specialist. Ive had one appointment which was eye opening as i felt like the only man in the world to suffer from this.He told me there is lot worse out there I.E men who never *** no matter what they do.
Apparently its something you are born with and is very treatable!!
My point is seek help...he will not getover it by himself.
If you want any advice contact me....makes u feel better that its not just you.
P.S You sound an absolute star...not all girls are so understanding...stick with him..just get him to help himself!
To reiterate and hopefully make you feel better ....he sounds just like ive been...i tried fight it ,suss it out myself, anylise it...u cant ..GET Proffesional help....The specialists 1st question was Do you Find men attractive..which I DO NOT!!!
At A guess ...he taking the wrong path thinking its his testosterone....his sexual confidence is artificially lowering his Sex drive
2006-08-01 13:26:21 · answer #9 · answered by wigannwuk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing that I can think of is that he masterbates too much or too often if he spent a lot of time being single then that could be it. Find out if he has a fantasy andfulfill it
2006-08-01 12:54:03 · answer #10 · answered by Bobbi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋