I'm a 40 yr old single mother of 4 wonderful boys. My youngest is 3 years old. I had my tubes tied when I had him in 2003. Imagine my surprise when I found out i'm pregnant again!
The reason I had my tubes tied is i have less than a 1% chance of living through another pregnancy. I have heart disease, eclampsia, gestational diabetes, i've had 4 c-sections and very high blood pressure. My youngest was 6 weeks premature and 14.1 lbs at birth!
Now, i do NOT belive in abortion, but i'm also worried about leaving my sons with no one to care for them. I have no living family and the boys would probably go to foster homes. The fathers have never paid any child support.
I'm most likely only 4 weeks along. I've seen the pictures of 6-7 week abortions and they are horrible. I would never willingly put a little life through that. But my living children need me too!
Advise? Suggestions? prayers? The doctor today said he didn't seen anything on the sonogram, but the 'pee test' positive
2006-08-01 12:45:21 · 24 answers · asked by Mom of 4 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
The doc that tied my tubes simply said that 'sometimes this happens' and my atty let me know that unless i died, there was really no 'damages' or recourse. planned parenthood won't even DO an abortion till 6 weeks plus, and i don't want to wait that long if i'm going to do one! This is so frustrating. If this goes on till 10-12 weeks, there is simply no WAY i would have one, whether or not my life would be in danger. Granted, the possibility of carry-ing this child to term is slim. Still... this is really rough. Thanks for all your answers. Hopefully something will turn up.
2006-08-01 13:03:00 · update #1
About the 'fathers' question: I have only had 2 husbands. The first died, but the estate was supposed to pay child support and never did.
The second developed a drug habit, a drinking habit, a womanzing habit and a no-working habit 4 years into our marriage and I had to make a very hard decision to raise the boys on my own. We went to counsling (or rather I did, he refused to go) for almost a year to try and reconcile things, but in the end I had to put the health of my kids before my marriage. He was also abusive to both me and the kids. He does not pay child support.
FYI, I have a PhD, a home business a little 5 acre farm and I homeschool all my kids. I'm a VERY devoted mom and very proud of my kids.
I am now engaged to a wonderful man and he only wants the best for us both. He said this decision was up to me and he'd support anything I did. He has two children and we have a wonderful blended family. I didn't think about getting pregnant again because i had had a tubal!
2006-08-01 13:14:20 · update #2
You and your doctor should do what is right for your body and for your family. I am against abortions too, but with the chances of your death being so high, I think the only thing to do is to give up the baby. I know that has got to be rough for you to give up a baby. Why didn't your doctor give you a blood test to check for pregnancy. I would think they would do that before a sonogram. "Pee tests" are rarely false, so the chances that you are pregnant are pretty high. Abort the baby as soon as you can so that they have the least amount of development and it is less harsh on your body.
2006-08-01 12:53:38 · answer #1 · answered by Serena 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is tough. I'm prolife through and through, so of course I'd say don't do it. You never know if the doctors will be right or not. What if you DO live through this pregnancy and have a c-section and the baby would be fine? A hysterectomy wouldn't be such a bad thing...better than having an abortion and wondering "What if..." for the rest of your life.
On the other hand, I can see your point about leaving four children behind with noone but the state to care for them.
Do you do it now just to be safe, or wait, hoping that this pregnancy will progress as normal, only to find out in your second trimester that there's a problem.
This is so tough. Unfortunately I don't have any advice to offer you, and I've never been in your situation and can only imagine what you must be going through right now with your feelings and emotions. I guess in the long run, you have to ask what's more important...your life and the life of your four boys, or the life of your unborn baby. This is sh!tty and cruel, but it's true.
2006-08-02 00:18:57 · answer #2 · answered by brevejunkie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not worry about it until I had it confirmed that I was pregnant. (I say that having had 3 kids myself and never an inaccurate pee test). If you are pregnant, and it goes against your moral beliefs to abort, turn it over to God. If you are pregnant, there is a reason. My first and third were surprises, and the timing couldn't have been more off, but all little ones are blessings. I understand that it's not a question of wanting the baby, but of your health. I do not agree with abortion as a means of birth control, but I believe if it ever is OK, then this is the type of situation where it is. Get advice from your doctor, but most importantly pray, pray, pray! God may have big plans for this one, what if he or she grows up to cure cancer? Also consider how you will feel from now on if you do have an abortion. But first of all, before you agonize over it, make sure that you're pregnant! With 4 kiddos, you probably don't need any more stress than you already have!
Good luck, and I will pray for you,
:)Ashley
2006-08-01 20:02:51 · answer #3 · answered by Ashley F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a very intelligent woman. Please do not listen to the anti abortion advocates that would have have you risk your own life and possibly orphan your four boys to save a four week old embryo.
Since you are over 40, heart disease, history of eclampsia, GDM, high blood pressure and 4 c-sections I can't believe you are even considering carrying this pregnancy further. Any one of those factors make you a high risk pregnancy, all of them at the same time is very dire.
Shame on the pro-life poster who continually used the pronoun "she" to describe the growing embryo in order to emotionally manipulate this mom of four boys. Maybe she didn't read it, or notice, but I did.
2006-08-02 22:52:48 · answer #4 · answered by Redheadinbed 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow that's rough. I mean at one end you're against abortion but you do need to be around to take care of your other children. I don't agree with abortion either so my opinions at this point are stumped. I guess if it means your life or the embryo, you have to go with yours. Since you've got other children who are young and are young yourself you have to be more concerned with that. Abortion is rough and a tough decision for anyone to make but if you do it soon enough maybe it will lesson the hardship that goes along with it?!?! Hmm...very tough. Maybe you have to have faith in God that he has given you this baby and has a plan set out for both of you. You have to do what is ultimatly right for you. I'm sure my advice wasn't the best but it's a very hard decision you're facing. Hope everything works out for you and your family. Best of luck and God Bless!
2006-08-01 21:06:51 · answer #5 · answered by ktpb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa well I don't know what to say, but I do think that you should think more about the kids that are all ready here, like you are all ready doing. Your child was 14 pounds at birth and he was premature?! I've heard of premature babies weighing 8 pounds but not 14. Oh yeah and don't worry about what others may say about having an abortion because their not going to be the one that will take your four kids in if something happen to you while giving birth to the fifth. I think you should think about your kids and yourself first.
2006-08-01 20:01:11 · answer #6 · answered by dreamee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for your situation. Unlike many women you were responsible in getting your tubes tied to avoid another pregnancy. I feel so badly for you because it seems that you would like to have the baby but are not in the best health to do so. I would say dont take the chance.You have four children that need you and love you dearly.You are all they have! In your situation I would have the abortion. God knows your troubles and will forgive you!!! Pray to the heavens to send the baby back to you in the form of a grandchild-you will be heard.I wish you the best of luck and health.I will keep you in my prayers.P.S its no ones business how many baby dads you have,and they should stick to the topic at hand(above comment)
2006-08-01 19:57:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
At four weeks, you can go to St. Louis or wherever you're from, and get an abortion pill. It causes you to miscarry and is not awful like the surgical abortions. You can do it up to 12 weeks, I think. It is a little painful because of cramping, but other than that it is not that bad. It costs four hundred dollars. If it's what you think is the best route to take, don't you dare feel bad about it! You know what is best for you and your family. Good luck!!
2006-08-01 20:19:40 · answer #8 · answered by tammyb752001 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Please dont take this wrong, but since you stated that you have 4 children and "their fathers" dont pay childsupport, I assume that you have children by at least 2-3 different men. I realize that you had your tubes tied, but doctors always tell women that this is not a 100% fix. You seem to be a loving mother and concerned about your childrens future, so I cant help asking why you continue to have babies by different men? I know that now since you are already pregnant this comment is not much help, but I think it would have been better if sex were put as the last thing in your life and the children you already have 1st. If that had happened you would not be put in this position right now.
2006-08-01 19:57:32 · answer #9 · answered by LittleMermaid 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
there is a pill that you can take now, up until you are 9 weeks that will detatch the fetus from your uterus. it is called RU-486. 1-877-5822 is a number that may be able to give you more information.This pill is a mix of mifepristone & misoprostol. It has side effects and when/if you take it you may be in a lot of pain so i suggest that you get a sitter for your kids.this web site will tell you all about it but you need to find a provider who will give it to you, im not sure of where you live. http://www.fwhc.org/abortion/medical-ab.htm
just copy and paste this to your browser and good luck and i will pray for you and no judgement. if you need to talk j_brat01@yahoo.com
2006-08-01 20:13:16 · answer #10 · answered by cherokee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋