I want to go back to college and get my MA in History, but my spouse says no. Thoughts?

Question

I am re-submitting the question with the following details:

It is purely for PLEASURE, I do not intend to use the MA for anything but my own enrichment. My job pays well enough, the MA does not have any effect on job advancement.

It does not have any impact whatsoever on our finances (my employer will pay for the courses).

It does not affect time spent with my spouse (I am foregoing another regularly scheduled activity to return to school).

The only reason I have received from my spouse is that "you already have enough education, you don't need any more than you already have."

Thanks to all who take the time to answer!

Answer 1

It sounds to me like your spouse is threatened by the possibility that you might become more educated than s/he.

Why in the world would anyone in a healthy relationship keep his or her partner from pursuing and achieving the things that give that person pleasure and fulfillment?

And why in the world would you need your spouse's permission?

Answer 2

As others have said, if he's truly only objecting because he thinks you've gone to school enough, he's threatened. However, he may have reasons that he hasn't shared with you.

Again, I will agree with others. I'm just finishing an MA program in History. It is time consuming and difficult. For many of your classes you will have to read a book per week, and some will require more. Same goes for writing papers. I sometimes wrote 20 papers in a semester. Don't think that you can do this easily because you have a spare evening. Nine hours at the graduate level takes more of your time outside of class than 16 hours at the undergrad level. Everybody in my program worked at least 20 hrs per week. None of us were allowed to carry more than 9 hrs, but anybody working more than 20 hours a week had a lot of trouble keeping up.

I'm sure that you're capable of doing the work, but maybe he's really worried that this will require too much time away from him? Believe me, even one class per semester on top of your job will do that.

Answer 3

I did my undergrad in history and absolutely loved it. If you want to do an MA go for it. I'm currently getting my masters in business. My program is full-time, I'm assuming that yours would be part time. My one piece of advice is to talk with students in the program at your university candidly about the time requirements. My program is taking a serious toll on my current relationship. Your spouse may be concerned that your free time will be taken over by these courses. History requires a ton of research, and it is hard to put it aside entirely when you are pursuing your work and personal life. Whether you want for it to or not, doing an MA will probably affect the time spent with your spouse and it is an issue that should be addressed.

Answer 4

Keeping a good relationship with your spouse should be one of your top priorities. It should especially rank higher than pursuing a degree that you do not need. Yes, I agree with the other responders that continuing to educate oneself is good and that you should, in as non-threatening of a way possible, explain to your spouse why this is important to you. However, in the end, if your spouse isn't agreed I recommend that you study on your own. There are certainly enough resources out there that one does not need to be enrolled in a college program to learn about what such a program would teach. Best wishes.

I wish you a long and happy marriage.

Answer 5

I too have numerous degrees here and there. I think there are times that men get intimidated with a woman who has brains. I mean, they would rather we were docile, sweet and can converse with them in numerous topics but at times it bothers them when they think we know more than they do. What has always been helpful when I need to coax my husband over a new project that I feel passionately about is to tell him that I feel more validated when I know more than the average Joe about something that I like to learn about ( may it be the difference between the sodium content of water here at home VS that of the Amazon river). You do things for you. At the end of the day when you make your husband realize how a gem he has in you it will no longer matter, and being as smart as you are I am sure it's gonna be a challenge you are up to.
SMILE and good luck

Answer 6

Honestly I would wonder why my spouse is so against it. I have my Bachelors and will graduate with a masters in Administration next year...I am doing it slowly - one course at a time, not that much time away from family and responsibility. Everyone needs a hobby or something to do away from the spouse and people ion their lives . it is a HEALTHY thing to do. Find out why it bothers her (or him) so...they have to be OK with it - or else it will not be enjoyable and will turn into a heartache

Answer 7

With all the circumstances that you have listed, it sounds to me like your spouse is just basically holding you down and keeping you from bettering yourself for no good reason at all. I think that's a serious problem. If it cut into your finances or your time with him/her, I think that would be different, but since it does neither of those things, then honestly I think he's/she's just being a jerk. Are they just afraid of you becoming smarter than them? It kind of sounds like it to me. Not to put your spouse down or anything, but this is something that would seriously bother me were I in your shoes.

Answer 8

I wish all people had the desire to make learning a life-long endeavor. I am starting my MA program in History at NYU this fall. I have the same argument with my parents. I am taking out loans to do it and moving across the country. If it's paid for and you want to do it go for it. Your husband should be happy to have such a smart and motivated wife!

P.S. Does he really get veto power over this? It's 2006 and it's your life.

Answer 9

I think you should go back to school......but......I also think you shouldn't intentionally cause a huge problem in your marraige. See if you can talk your spouse into seeing your side, after you are sure you understand his/her side. If you can't come to an agreement, then I would suggest going to see a counselor. If what you said in your post is true, then I think there is a stronger underlying reason s/he doesn't want you going back to school. Figure out that underlying reason, and you'll have a better chance of coming to an agreement.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Same answer as the other one: ask your spouse if they have any dreams, things they want to do just for fun, and then tell them that they cannot pursue them. See how it makes them feel!

You can never, NEVER, have "enough education." Every day is a learning process. When you stop learning, you die.

Good luck!