Am I abnormal for doing this?

Question

I live in Manchester and went to uni in Bradford. I am having a lot of trouble at home (arguments and arranged marriage crap as I'm 30 and still unmarried) but find going for a 2 hour drive back to my uni town really helpful. The drive is nice in itself as you go across the pennines and as I had good memeories there it brings it all back. I also listen to the radio which is relaxing also. I have been doing this over th elast month and I find it helps me. I have to of course lie to my mum (who is typically overprotective) and say i'm going to the gym. Any white over thirty somethings I knw you won't understand as you will say i shouldn't be at home but with my family they wouldn't tolerate me living alone unmarried unless for a good reason. I don't have any friends in Manchester (I have 2 good friends elsewhere in the country) and would find it really difficult to make friends and open up. Most people over the hot weather have said they are out at BBQ's &all I do is drive but I like it

The Question really is if this is ok..its more of habit now...but it relaxes me and I can think of how I want things to be. Just sometimes I wish I had my friends (like I did at Uni) around with me. I am going to alter routes and driv e to the nearest beach soon...I'm not normally a loner..but sometimes feel like a saddo for doing this

I'm doing this drive like every night

Answer 1

No way are u doing something weird..It's nice to just go out and about and have a drive.. After all if ure not comfortable with ure own company,then who can u be comfortable with..

Answer 2

Of course its OK to just drive, I live very close to the Manchester-Bradford between the Pennine route myself and your right it is a beautiful relaxing place to go for a drive, we all need something to help us chill out, with the pressures your under at home I can quiet understand why the type of scenery round the area you drive is helping you, can't you just lose yourself for a hour or so in those views, look have you got modern parents who will be able to sit down and listen to your point of views without getting cross, if you don't want to go into an arranged marriage won't they understand that, if not then ask them can you please have a few years to do the job you would like to do and see something of life or travel a bit of the world first, I am sure they won't begrudge you that, you shouldn't have to lie to your mom as much as she is overprotective of you, though I have done that myself when I was younger but the thing is you tend to get caught out doing lies, maybe you could take your mom on this drive and as it is so beautiful and calm up there it might be a good place to start a conversation off with her about your hopes and dreams for the future, just don't worry about going there for drives we do it all the time and you don't get smoke in your eyes from barbecues up there either, good luck and happy and safe driving.

Answer 3

What you are doing is trying to make the most of your freedom.
You are in denial. You know that because of your faith and age it is only a matter of time before matters get taken out of your hands and your future is arranged for you.
You love driving because you are in control.
You miss your uni days because marriage etc. was a long way off and life was exciting.
You feel you can't make friends because you don't want to tell them of your problems, and you don't think you can be a good friend to anyone if you can't be honest with them.

You have two choices.

1. Wake up to the fact that you are a thirty year old human being living in a country that has fought for freedom and rights for hundreds of years to ensure that all of people here have a chance of living a decent life..............or

2. Accept the inevitable, drive while you can before your arranged spouse takes your car keys away and forces you to live the life that is expected of you.

My heart bleeds for you, I wish you the very best for the future.

By the way, I'm white and over thirty.

Answer 4

The point is, you have a problem and you've found a constructive way to deal with it. If you were sneaking off to nightclubs, having casual sex, drinking and doing drugs a lot of people wouldn't be surprised and a few would approve.
Its not up to anyone else to judge whether this is sad or wrong, because we don't live your life; you do. You have found something that keeps you sane and you're not harming yourself or anyone else. I also reckon its a good compromise. It can't be easy to live in a strict traditional family within this country.
But don't assume that none of us whites have any idea what you're going through either; we have our own pressures to deal with, and although they're not identical to yours they are no less! I come from a big working class family and I'm supposed to be married and living off my husbands wages. Instead, I went for independence and an education and I'm now the black sheep of the family. My cousin got into a really good school but wasn't allowed to go because his Dad said the uniform was cissy! He's made up for it since though. No one talks to him either.
Driving gives you independance and purpose, don't knock it!

Answer 5

I don't think it's unusual. In fact it's very cultural for kids to live with parents. My cousin (male) lived with his mom till he was 45 years old and got married. You get to the point where you do your own thing anyway.

It sounds like you're lonely and need to develop some outside interests. Just because you live with mom - you don't have to be there all the time - maybe you can join a soccer team - or kickball and develop some outside interests. Usually joining some kind of sports activity leads to friendships, going out for a drink and other things.... You WILL have to straighten out the 'overprotective' thing though - it's not healthy whether you're living there or not.

Answer 6

Well, you're abnormal in that most people just go home and park themselves in front of the TV or computer for hours.

Sounds like you are just trying to get away from people, and your car provides a little world away from it all for a while.

But, if you're 30, unmarried, capable of supporting yourself, but still living at home because of family pressure, it sounds like you need to move out and start your own life. Unless your family is holding the strings to an enormous family fortune, or a kidney you need to have to survive, you need to cut the apron strings, and make your own decisions about when and whom you marry.

If you're staying because it's easier than moving out and starting your own life, I'd say your nightly driving is the manifestation of your subconscious mind trying to get you to do so. It's gotten you into the car, anyway, over and over. You're going to have to take over from there.

Answer 7

Driving can be very relaxing. I use to do that a lot. Why not drive somewhere and join a club or group? Meeting people away from your home town can be a lot easier. Your not sad, but you are lonely. Find some confidence and go for it!! Good luck xx

Answer 8

hi welcome to england a! my heart goes out to you. i had a friend who lived up there but i lost contact with him about 3 years ago now. you must be of asian orient..especially up there. i live in london. and i can understand what you are talking about except the arranged marriage thing. you are a male so you have got to be stronger than the woman of an arranged marriage at least it would be easier for you to move out and get a place to live where you can start your life. you must be limited to the amount of friends you can have home and hang out with. but manchester is a large area and theres loads to do up there. plenty of clubs. and why not join a gym..and believe me there is nothing wrong in going out for a drive to cool off and to do some thinking. id love to be able to go out in the car for some peace sit by a beach and just listen to the waves of the sea and the peacefullness that life has given to us. to enjoy..the arguements at home are they always arguements of marriage. what would your parents think if you found a english woman to date? and has your uni finished yet? why not do a little comprimising with your family although it would be hard. try to explain you want uni done and all your exams finished before being married try telling them youll acept marriage only when you have the proper financies to cope and be able to afford a proper life for your wife. which will hopefully give you enough time to get on your feet. and also itll quiet your parents down a little to know you are willing to accept some of there traditions..or even try finding some friends around your area to go out with you dont have to be aloner realy..theres plenty to do there as much as there is in london..be lucky always.

Answer 9

Driving time is your time if alone. I often drive if I have things to think over. Keep doing what you enjoy doing. I am no expert on arranged marrages, I do understand there are traditions however I also believe strongly in individual freedom to make your own choices in life. As to your age, one of my daughters is 34 and a career woman. If you are granted long life there is plenty of time for marrage etc. Good luck for you future.

Answer 10

There is nothing wrong with doing that if it really helps, Running from your problems rarely helps, It only sidetracks them for awhile.
If I were in Manchester I would give you a huge hug, You sound like you could really use one about now.
I believe that if you spent more time in your local area looking for friends you would be amazed at the number of people who feel just as you do and would welcome your friendship.