how do you know if its right to marry someone?

Question

see, I been with a man for bout 2.5 years, dont want to break up, but am unsure if I could see myself married to him. I love him to death, but just dont know. I pay most the bills, I have education-how can he teach our future children the importance of education when he doesnt have any? How can he teach them the importance of working hard when he doesnt? Besides these things (finacially) he is my dream guy. But Im 24 and dont go out, dont buy new things, dont ever get may hair done, nails done, no luxuries. Cant go spend money on anything cuz I have to pay bills. I know there is such a high % of divorces, many the cause has to do with financial problems. I never wanted money (such a superficial worldy thing) be in the way of love. But it is huge! Is it time I break this off and find another man who can be my equal? Or is this as good as it gets? No one is perfect, so with him its this finacial burden, but with someone else it would be something else....

Answer 1

Most marital problems are related to money so the odds are against it working out. You two are of a different mindset when it comes to finances and the future.

But at 24 you have plenty of time to figure out the marriage thing so just kick back and enjoy your time together.

Answer 2

You really need someone who will at least try to share equal responsibility with you. You should really have a heart-to-heart talk with him since you love him in all other ways. Let him know how important this is to you.
Otherwise, the fact that you question this is healthy. Remember that the way things are right now are the best they will ever be, unless you address this very important issue. And he still needs to commit to doing his share; it's only right. If he doesn't, down the road you'll only feel like you've sacrificed way too much.

Answer 3

Here are some things that will help you decide...You consider marriage when you have been together long enough to be out of the infatuation stage. When you have discussed ALL the issues involved in life after the wedding like finances, division of household labor, children, in laws, where to live, jobs, time away with friends, and a million other things you haven't thought of. After all of that you consider each part of the vows, and what you consider is the difficult side of them, anybody can be happy when things are going well so,

richer or poorer....still want to be with them in a shack with crackers ala peanut butter for dinner...for the fourth night in a row?

sickness and health...they develop a chronic physical or mental illness and can't get around and can't work, still want to be there?

better or worse...they are in a car accident and you have to spend the rest of your life feeding them and changing their diapers, still want to be married?

keep yourself only to him or her, can you REALLY only have sex with only that person until you die?

THIS is what marriage is, not a fairy tale where everything goes well everyday, the one guarantee you have is that things WILL go wrong. Remember, you answer all these questions after you have passed infatuation, after you know what their bad points are (yes they have some and so do you) and still consider it anyway.

If you think you are up for all of this then maybe you should think about it. Don't forget to consider whether they would stick by you if it was you in any or all of the above scenarios. Check out the question posted here by married people and keep in mind that all of them thought this was the thing to do and the ONE for them when they got married too! It sounds to me like you don't have much respect for who he is deep down and that will never work. Yes I definitely think you need to find someone more like you.

Answer 4

Sounds like you are afraid. If you can't imagine becoming one with someone than you are not ready cause marriage is a partnership. If material things are more important then love, then break it off now quit leading him on that is not fair. You need to get over the "Me" part, or you will never have a good relationship.

Answer 5

You are right, no one is perfect. You know that in time, you will begin to feel taken advantage of by this man. He doesn't have to match you level of education in order to match your level of maturity. You are mistaken when you say,
"I never wanted money to be the way I love." If that were the case, wouldn't he already be gone? You are entitled at your age to enjoy your time and a few luxuries, that's why we all work hard to begin with.
Tell him he is going to have to be a contributing part of the relationship. Nothing is as bad as feeling taken advantage of and that will, in time begin to effect the relationship.

Answer 6

From the sheer money aspect, he is not pulling his share. What do you find attractive about someone who is uneducted, and has no work ethic. I don't get it. No, honey, it is lots better than that, trust me. There are three things that make a marriage work: Respect, Admiration and Passion. two of the three will get it to fly. You appear to have one, probably. Uhhhhhh, no. In your place most everyone would find someone else.

Answer 7

You don't ever really know for sure. Life is a gamble, and so is marriage. If you are toting the load now you better get ready to keep on toting it. Don't go into marriage trying to change him, it want work.

Answer 8

Ask yourself these questions:

a) are you intellectually, physically and emotionally compatible inspite of your differences?
b) do you have the same goals in life?
c) do you agree on how to raise your kids?

If you answered all three YES then you should get married. If not, then it's time to pack your bags and leave.

Answer 9

Are you attracted to losers? If so, you should probably stay with this guy. But if you want to find yourself a winner - look elsewhere. Losers make lousy husbands.

Answer 10

Instead of asking strange people who you dont know and who dont know the whole story you need to be asking him. You should be honest with him and tell him how you feel