I CHEATED, AND I CONFESSED. THERE WAS NOT INTERCOURCE, BUT THERE WAS KISSING AND TOUCHING. ALSO NO ORAL. I STOPED BEFORE INTERCOURCE AND THAT WAS IT. SHOULD THAT MEAN ANYTHING TWORDS WORKING OUT THIS ISSUE WITH MY WIFE OR IS IT JUST AS BAD AS GOING ALL THE WAS? I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE ALOWED MYSELF TO GET INTO THIS SITUATION, BUT SHOULDN'T THE FACT THAT I STOPED AND CONFESSED MEAN ANYTHING?
2006-08-01 10:41:03 · 18 answers · asked by krash 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I COULD NEVER TRUST YOU. YOU JUST THINKING LUSTFULLY OF ANOTHER WOMAN IS COMMITTING ADULTERY. YOU TOOK IT A STEP FURTHER AND WAS KISSING AND TOUCHING. GOING ALL THE WAY WOULD OF BEEN WAY WORSE, BUT WHAT YOU DID WAS STILL TERRIBLE. IF I WAS YOUR WIFE I COULDN'T KEEP YOU, I COULDN'T LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE ALWAYS WONDERING. AND EVERY TIME I LOOKED AT YOU I WOULD THINK OF IT AND EVERY TIME YOU TOUCHED ME IT WOULD MAKE ME SICK CAUSE IT WOULD REMIND ME OF HOW YOU TOUCHED HER. IT WOULD BE VERY DIFFICULT TO EVEN BE AROUND YOU. EVEN IF SHE DOES STAY WITH YOU, YOUR AFFAIR WILL ALWAYS BE BETWEEN YOU, THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.
2006-08-02 02:46:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Sure it should, but you still devestated your wife, you broke her heart and that is going to take time to heal, if she gives you another chance at all. Cheating is anything you wouldn't do with your wife standing right beside you (if you'd wouldn't do it with her there you must know its wrong) and/or anything that it wouldn't be alright with you for her to do (don't ask anyone to tolerate anything you wouldn't) Its just as bad to her really and you need to understand that. Here is a list of 7 things they tell people to consider when deciding whether to forgive people for this stuff or not, maybe looking a them will help you understand.
Is it an isolated incident or a pattern of behavior? (including past relationships, even if its the first time he cheated on you has he cheated on other gf's)
Does he own it (take full blame) or does he make excuses for why it happened?
Does he REALLY grasp the damage he's done to you and your relationship or does he just pay it lip service?
Is he sorry for the choice he made or sorry that he got caught?
Is he willing to do what it takes to clean up the mess he made, whatever it takes and however long it takes? or does he want to deny it and move on?
Is it out of character for him or is he insenstive about other things too? (respects your feelings, treats you with dignity, etc)
Is it a legacy or a new behavior? did he grow up in a family where this happened? if its what he learned thats a big clue.
Once you've gone through these and IF you determine that the answers all favor a successful relationship then you take it one day a at a time. Hope this gives you some insight or perhaps you can show it to her so she can consider each item herself. Whatever you do don't take an attitude that she shouldn't be hurt and don't make her feel like this isn't a big deal and she should 'get over it', that will end your relationship for sure, but not because of what you did because of your attitude about it.
2006-08-01 18:30:19 · answer #2 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even thinking about cheating on your wife is cheating. There is a continuum however of how bad it was and to what degree. What you did was pretty awful and the fact that you confessed is better than not confessing, but you'd be sinning again if you withheld this info from her. Do everything you can to prove to your wife that you regret this and will NEVER do it again. You don't deserve her, but you can try to.
2006-08-01 18:57:32 · answer #3 · answered by oremus_fratres 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should never have told her, personally. Stuff happens sometimes that should not, but if you got control of yourself before it went too far, I don't know why you had to burden her with that. You need to stay out of situations that will lead to that happening again, that's for sure.
Also, I think you told her to make her jealous, even if it wasn't conscious.
As far as her leaving you over this, I'd say it's an overreaction, unless you have a history of being unfaithful. Get some counseling, and stop behaving like an overage kid.
2006-08-01 18:16:30 · answer #4 · answered by homebuyer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, the fact that you held back and the fact that you are open and working on reconciliation is admirable. You will have to give her some time to come to terms with your actions. If you have to lie about something (or after the fact confess) then you have cheated. God bless you both as you work this out.
2006-08-01 17:48:19 · answer #5 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you still cheated even if you say you did not go all the way ,and at the moment in time do you really except your wife to believe you did,ant go all the way,.COME ON you have just blown her world apart for crying out loud and here you are trying to justify it with a confession, did an apology to your wife feature in your admission if not then its time it did and if your wife still wants you you should consider yourself a very lucky man and you should learn that the grass is not always greener on the other side
2006-08-01 18:28:32 · answer #6 · answered by lizella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a kiss is cheating, touching is cheating..... It is better that you didnt go all the way, but she has the right to be bloody mad still. I wouldnt stay with my man if he did what you did-even though you didnt go all the way. A woman need a man who she knows has her in mind all the time, who lives for her-like she lives for him. Any man who is visiting somehwere else does not have his wife in mind. I also doubt you met this next women and did this the same night you met, so Im guessing, so you let feeling s and urges grow to the point your wife wasnt the only one in your mind. I do not believ you can have pure love for you wife when youre with another women. It is good you told her-good communication and honesty is key to a healthy relationship. Although for me, Id kick you to the door. Buh bye!
2006-08-01 17:52:37 · answer #7 · answered by flyer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good that you confessed. Lots of men won't even do that. It still doesn't make it right and don't expect any less of a reaction just because you confessed. It doesn't earn you brownie points. Bottom line is you cheated and violated trust with your wife. How will she ever trust you again?
2006-08-01 17:48:50 · answer #8 · answered by krisx42 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't even think for a moment that you whatever you did after the episode means anything. On hindsight everything seems different. It is what you do at the spur of the moment that matters.
You screwed up. You apologised. Now give her time and be patient.
2006-08-01 17:52:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it means that you owned up to ease your own conscience. SO you stopped it before anything too heavy started... you should not have even thought about kissing another person. it's cruel and unfair.
you probably feel bad but think how betrayed your partner must feel.
Think how you'd react if it was the other way around and then you have the answer to your own question
2006-08-01 17:48:59 · answer #10 · answered by melissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any sexual play is cheating, those are things you should be doing to your wife, and only your wife. I don't think she should leave you because you did do the honest thing in the end, but, you may need to find out together whats missing in your relationship with your wife.
2006-08-01 19:02:15 · answer #11 · answered by ricksliss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋