I have a friend that only likes to talk about our favorite band, negative things, and people she doesn't like?

Question

My friend only likes to talk about members of the band that we like, and if she isn't talking about that, then she's complaining about something or someone. I try to ignore her and change the subject to talk about meaningful things, but she always brings it back to the band members, or the people she can't stand. Either that or she gives me one worded answers or just smiles. How can I deal with this?

Answer 1

Some people do this. Everybody does it a little -- we all talk with people about things we know that we both like, that's part of being sociable. But I've noticed that some people seem to file me away as somebody they only discuss one subject with. And what makes it especially maddening is that it's almost always about something that's totally trivial and meaningless, particularly in the context of everything else that I think is important, interesting, or valuable, but it was the first thing they talked with you about.

Clearly, you've been stamped as somebody she talks about the band and/or annoying people with.

You will meet people like this for the rest of your life -- I'm 50 and I still meet people like this. I expect there'll be one of these in the old-folks home who only thinks of me as The Guy Who Likes Spinach, or something.

I have found three ways to deal with people like this:

1 - Pigeonhole them right back. That is, just resign yourself to the fact that the only thing you two have in common is Korn/System of a Down/Evanescence/whatever band it is that she always talks about with you. Figure it's never going to get any better and limit your exposure to her.

2 - Begin to eliminate her from your life/circle of friends. (Hard to do if she works/goes to class with you.) One way to do this is to come up with ways of constantly being busy when she's around you. People like this seldom get the message, but they DO get bored and eventually go looking for somebody else to pester.

3 - Try to reprogram the way she thinks about you. Not always easy, but I've learned it's the most effective if you start with flattery. Think of something you think she might be interested in. Then the next time she starts talking to you, "Oh, hey -- I was thinking of you the other day, I thought you'd be the PERFECT person to talk to about this..." And then start in on the other subject, whatever it is. Even if it's where to get a really good cheesesteak or how to do a French pedicure or what kind of birdseed to buy for your Nanday conure. Get the idea? It's got to be something that is at least PLAUSIBLE for you to ask her opinion on, something that will break the connection she has made between you and the band. Oh, and one other technique: Ask her questions. People LOVE to answer questions. (Uh, heh heh... considering what I'm doing now and where we are on the Web, that's a no-brainer, right? :-)

If you think there's some value in this friend (and there has to be SOMETHING decent about her or you'd just drop her like a dead goldfish, right?), then see if you can draw her out. It'll be good experience for you, and... it COULD change her life.

Answer 2

Not into Metal an excessive amount of, however I am a Classic Rock fiend. My household is so used to me being the extraordinary ball out that they do not even care anymore. Actually a few of them recognize that I used to be equipped to damage out of the stereotypical mould and be my possess man or woman. Seeing that the majority of my favourite bands are from the beyond, I do not get to head live shows very so much. My best 3 favourite bands are Pink Floyd(my goodness I love them such a lot), Radiohead, and The Beatles. My musical style is lovely large, however I'm testing distinctive bands correct now, so I would not have time to record they all, lol.

Answer 3

I like her

Answer 4

self absorbed, insecure person-- get a new friend.