My husband is a selfish jerk and i want to leave.The problem is i dont have any family to stay with, no money, and no job.I trusted him to take care of me but i cant count on him anymore.I did my job as the housewife but he still treats me like a dog.It seems like he only treats me good if it benefits him.I love him but i cant take it anymore.We only been married for 3 months.What should i do?
2006-08-01 10:30:19 · 18 answers · asked by Xtasy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, honey, boy do I hear where you're coming from. Been there, still doing that sometimes. I'm a housewife, and my husband has always made all the money, it was a decision we made together and sometimes he can take me for granted. But you two have only been married a few months and I know from experience that marriage is never the honeymoon we envisioned it to be. Before you walk out, ask yourself why you married him. You said you still loved him. Do you think he loves you? I say give him and your marriage another chance. These days, especially with celebrity marriages so popular, I tend to think we're a bit too quick to just say, "you know what, I can't take it, so I give up!" when sometimes, talking it out can really help.
First of all, find yourself a marriage and family therapist to go talk to. I went to see one through my husband's work and the insurance covered it. But if you're not that lucky, there are clinics out there that will sliding fee scales.
Second of all, have you tried talking to him? Write him a letter, send him an email if that's the only way he'll listen. But be nonjudgmental. Speak in terms of "I feel" rather than making the mistake most people (including me) make saying things from a "you do/don't do this", which tends to be very accusatory and sets him automatically into defensive mode. Simply tell him you just want him to hear you out, tell him you love him (that's importnant when you're discussing issues), then tell him what he does and how it bothers you. "When you do this, it makes me feel this way" sort of a thing.
But please.... unless he's beating you or is verbally and/or mentally abusive, honey, give him another chance before you give up so soon. My husband has a tendency to go off in his own little world that he doesn't realize that sometimes he can be very selfish and oftentimes all I have to do is point it out (and let's face it, sometimes I hold it in until I'm bursting with it and I'm not very unbiased about how I tell him. lol). You might be surprised by his response. I know I was. And believe me, I've been to the point where I was sure I wanted to leave. Been doing this for ten years, I can't this anymore. Going to a therapist was a big clue to him that I wasn't just "complaining". And the therapist gave me tools to help me communicate with him better. And you know what? I started by sending him emails, because I felt I couldn't talk to him without him making me feel as if it were all my fault and I was crazy or something. We communicate a lot better these days and quite honestly, our marriage is better for it. We're stronger. Give him a chance.
2006-08-01 10:46:23 · answer #1 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
3 months,what took you so long to figure him out? Stay with any friends ti you get back on you feet, so this means take any type of job that comes along. With this short of a married period the judge will probably opt for a dissolution, where he grants immediate marriage dissolvement and basically you leave with what you came in with, nothing more. You can try and sue him for a divorce but since you really havent ended the honeymoon thus building any kind of marital assets, you may not get spousal support and with no children,so there wont be any help there. So you really dont have a whole lot of options here but at least you will be out. Hope next time you figure out the guy before saying "I do". Good luck
2006-08-01 17:52:26 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear about your situation. When you say he treats you like a dog, is he abusive? If he is abusive get out now! There are shelters that can help. In what you've said he does sound controlling to me. You don't work and have no money, that is the first step to a person controlling another. My best advice to you is to seek professional help. I would maybe check and see if your area offers a free medical clinic. Many of these clinics offer professional psychiatric help and could maybe get you on the right track. I don't condone leaving a marriage, you made a commitment, but your three months into this marriage and he is already ragging on you, it will probably continue to go downhill. Please seek professional help and if you need to leave, then do it as soon as possible.
2006-08-01 17:41:43 · answer #3 · answered by RiffRaff524 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you still love him can you work things out with him? Will he listen if you talk to him or go to counseling? Marriage is work, lots of work and it's tough in the beginning, lots to learn about one another and about compromise. I'm not telling you to stay with him, just to see if things can be worked out between the two of you. If they can't, then you will have to start preparing and get a job and save money to go out on your own. That's all that you can do unless you have someone who will take you in for a little while till you get on your feet. Best of luck to you.
2006-08-01 17:45:36 · answer #4 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion is to get a job and save your money, then get out. You don't deserve to be treated poorly. If he's controlling, then don't tell him what your plans are. Just do it. For your sake, leave now before you wake up one day and have 2 kids and been married too long.
2006-08-01 17:36:22 · answer #5 · answered by shynomore 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you have a job/career before you were married?
If so, you might try to get back into whatever type of work you were in before getting married, become financially self-sufficient, and move on.
Three months is not a long time...did you see any of this coming before you got married?
2006-08-01 18:30:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are agegency out there that can help get a hold of one and get out before the real abuse starts sounds like some has hopefully not the physical it will be tough at firsts but it gets better and there are people out there to help
2006-08-01 17:38:17 · answer #7 · answered by fordsrock_2005 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off , if your not happy you need to find resources. Get a part time job and look for rooms for rent. If you have only been married 3months go to court and get an annulment.
2006-08-01 17:58:50 · answer #8 · answered by skawp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only three months?!?! Oh my, I'm sorry. Get a little counseling to check your feelings. And if you decide you need to leave go out and get a job and leave. You have to take care of yourself friend.
2006-08-01 17:36:58 · answer #9 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it.Let him know how you feel.If he doesn't listen or takes yur feelings lightly and makes no effort to rectify the problem.Leave his ***.3 months can easily turn into a lifetime of misery.You have a right and an obligation to make decisions about your life.DO IT!!!!!!
2006-08-01 17:49:25 · answer #10 · answered by girlqueen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋