Stepdads: Do you "love" your stepchildren? how do you feel about them?

Question

Step dads, do you love your wife's children like they're your own? If so, is this something that developed over time? Did you/Are you struggling with that? Did it just seem natural? does it make a difference if you had no children of your own? do you just "like them"? Explain your situation.
I asked this already and got wonderful responses....looking for more.

Answer 1

Yes, I love my step-children, and yes it did take time to happen. They're biological father doesn't care to see them, it's been months. They have seen him so little in the last 3 yrs. that they call me dad & have for awhile now. I honest don't know if I can say if I love them like my own I wish that I could and I don't know how to love them like my own... maybe it'll take more time. I do how ever plan on adopting them soon. They r 4 & 7 yrs. old now.

Answer 2

I do love my step-daughter, however, it has been a difficult path. There are many errors that I need to own over the last 10 years, in particular being too over-eager to start parenting. I realize now that I should have been more open to working slowly to establish a relationship in a more "organic" fashion (for lack of better term), in order for her to be able to trust me emotionally. Her mother, being a single mom for a few years, learned how to "pick her battles" so to speak, and let a lot of disrespectful exchanges go by without any consequences. I found it difficult to not say anything when I witnessed these things and often reprimanded her. That said, there have been other corrupting influences that have put strains on the relationship. Her father is wealthy, but rather narrow in his focus. He showers her with "things" constantly and without any sense that some things should be earned (like a new car). Her mom and I wanted her to have a diverse exposure to life, like piano and trumpet lessons, dance, art, drama, etc. I loaned her my own piano for over 3 years so she could have something to play at her father's home. Her father had no background in any of these things, and so never supported his daughter to stick with any of them (which is why he would not provide his own daughter with a piano). Instead, he pushed her into joining several sport leagues (like softball, basketball, and volleyball). For the latter, we agreed that she could play V-ball as long as she kept up a B average (she was an A-student, prior). Since she has started playing, (she's actually a very talented player), her grades have suffered dramatically (still got the car), and her father has reneged on his agreement to yank her out of the sport "because it wouldn't be fair to the other players." I should add that her father is a tenured professor specializing in education.
I realize this has turned into a vent, but your question seemed to give permission to do so.

Answer 3

I am not a stepdad but I can comment on this. My husband's stepfather simply adores him. He could not love my husband any more if he tried. He absolutely thinks of him as his son and has come to think of me as his daughter.

My father in law says it took some time to adjust and to become comfortable but he has always adored his son. He often says that he never even thinks about the fact that he is not his "real" father. He has no children of his own., but insists that he does not feel like he has missed out on anything because of the relationship between them.

On the flip side, my husband loves, respects and admires his stepfather. It is truly a mutual relationship. His real father is somewhat, no....IS an idiot. He treated my husband with little or no respect then when he had twin girls when my hubby was 13, he quit drinking and decided to try and be father of the year. My husband tolerates him, but is absolutely dedicated to his stepfather.

I don't think it matters if someone is a step parent or not, I think that the capacity to love the child has everything to do with the person, as a person. Does that make sense? There are biological parents who show their children no love what so ever and step parents (like my father in law) who would move heaven and earth for their step kids. It is all in your heart.

My father in law is helping out a friend of his right now, she and her two sons are living with him. He is loving those boys and offerring them a positive male figure which they have never had. The youngest ones REAL father has done nothing but put him down and been a negative influence in his life. So it really is in his heart, he has the capacity to love and nurture.


I hope this gives you some more insight! Watching the two of them has surely helped me. My stepfather was an absolute monster. Seeing my husband and his stepfather allowed me to see that "step" parents are not all evil monsters.

Answer 4

I have two step daughters and neither one of them will give me a break. They are grown with their own children. Both of the daughters is given constant monetary support by both their mother and myself. The oldest one gets 500 dollars a month in rent from us. The youngest one gets fed at least 15 times a month and car payments and rent money. The oldest told the youngest that they were to hate me. I don't know why but that is the way it is so be it. You know that half of this money belongs to me and most of it is my decision. When they ask their dad for help he tells them he can't he doesn't have the money and hands them a 5 or 10 dollar bill.

Answer 5

I have two step children from two different fathers and they spend most, if not all, of their time with me. I love them to death. They are my own even if the DNA says I am not. When I married my wife, I accepted them fully into my life and agreed to care for them as my own. I love my two step-children so much that they are my own children. It does seem natural as I love their mother with all my heart. I do have children of my own and I personally don't think it makes any difference if I had kids or not.

I have three, she has two. We are the freaking Brady Bunch as I have possession of my 51% of the time.

Answer 6

Casey became my stepson when he was 16. He's now 23. He was very protective of his mom (it was just the two of them for years, and she is disabled). He'd been in the role of "man of the house" for a long time. Amazingly, the transition was easy. I started out respecting his position and his space; trying to be an addition to the family, not a replacement. Being a man, I understood him much better than his mom. (He's not the talkative type. You just have to "know".) Over time, we built up mutual respect for each other. I relieved a lot of the burden on him of trying to be a man before he was ready.
He's better than me with mechanics and tools. I've got a lot more education and life experience. We learned to play to each other's strengths. We built up trust; particularly that I really did love his mom and intended to be there forever. Now, we're so similar in attitude, affect, etc. that you'd swear he was mine biologically. Truly, the resemblance is amazing.
When our granddaughter came along (out of wedlock) I was the only "grandpa" she really had. Now THAT, is the most amazing, most wonderful, most fulfilling role I've ever had. It took time to be a step-parent. Being a grandpa was instantaneous. I've never even thought about being a "step". I'm just "pa pa". Always have been; always will be.

Answer 7

I am a stepdaughter who never had a father until my stepdad came along
it seemed very natural for him. i know he loves me even though he doesnt say it...he proves it everyday. it seemed weird at first but now i dont know what i do without that man.

Answer 8

My ex did not like my son, and my son hated my ex. When we lived together I was a nervous wreck trying to keep the peace.