I have a feeling my BF was looking through my phone...dont know what to do he's upset now cause he says i have lots of guy friends which is not true at all, dont know what to do i really love him and i'm loyal
2006-08-01 09:15:01 · 52 answers · asked by Cassie 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Regardless of if you have a lot of boyfriends or not, the real issue hear is about trust. There is nothing wrong with you having guy friends. The problem is that your boyfriend is either very insecure or he has no trust in you. There also is a problem with you trusting him since you believe he has been looking through your phone. You two need to sit down and have a long talk and determine if you can trust each other going forward or if your better off apart. Without trust there is no way to really love each other and stay in a long term relationship.
2006-08-01 09:19:52 · answer #1 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He needs to believe you and stop his wild imagination.
With all his jealousy and 'checking up on' he has come up with nothing serious to charge you with. If you were cheating he would know it for sure. I'm surprised that you stay with him given his attitude.
The next step is for him to hire a detective to follow you at certain times when he suspects you may be cheating. This should put an end to the suspicions one way or another.
(This last point is sarcastic)
When it comes to someone feeling jealous without apparent cause the number one reason is because of fear. If your boyfriend is jealous he may not see it this way or be willing to admit it at first--but at the core of almost all jealousy, his as well, is a fear that he may lose you and his needs for love, friendship and affection will no longer be met.
The second ingredient that is almost always present when someone is jealous in a relationship is a lack of trust. This can either be a lack of trust in you because of past actions or a lack of trust in your ability to make conscious choices and decisions about your conduct when you are with other people.
If jealousy is an issue that you want to heal in your relationship, the first thing you must do is have the willingness and courage to talk about the issue in a non-judgmental way with each other.
First of all you must define and make clear what your commitments and agreements are to each other. Talk with each other about ways that can allow him to feel more secure.
Then create conscious agreements for how you will act in situations that could feel threatening to him.
I hope my advice helps.
Take care!
2006-08-01 09:33:14 · answer #2 · answered by flod_prfekshun 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u have nothing to hide, u have no need to worry. it seems like he is so insecure he is trying to find AnYTHING that will make u look bad.. so what if u have a lot of guy friends? do u spend a lot of time w/ them? do u go out w/ other guys w/o him a lot? if so, then he probably feels jealous. if not, then he has major trust issues. i would suggest u try to talk to him, communicate that he is acting as if he doesn't trust you, and u have never given him a reason to not trust you. tell him u love him, tell him there's no one else, and do ur best to help make him feel secure and stable. maybe u can plan more activities just for u two for awhile, so he feels special. if he still doesn't trust, then the problem is HIM and u can't do anything. there's only so much u can put into the relationship, he needs to meet u halfway.
2006-08-01 09:22:07 · answer #3 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not!! He is jealous and insecure, not to mention immature. That is a major no-no for my old man, it is nobody elses business what is in your phone. If he is going through it you should be pissed not him. That is an invasion of your privacy!!! Tell him to grow up, in the mean time teach this little puke a lesson, give all your contacts pet names or just go by initials, you'll know if he has gone through it again cuz it will bug the hell out of him that he doesn't know who that person is....and then don't tell him!! Let him learn on his own that is your business and he has absolutely no right whatsoever. If he gets mad about your friends you are doomed anyway!! Good luck
2006-08-01 09:21:27 · answer #4 · answered by centralfiresafety 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships have to be built on trust girl. And evidently he has his doubts.
I offer 2 suggestions:
1. Tell him that you are 100% loyal (only if you are) and that you love him and only him (only if you do). He will just have to believe you, and hopefully get over it. You DO deserve a right to have guy friends, though, and he will have to understand that.
2. Ask to go through his phone infront of him. If he lets you, I am sure you will find girls in there. Then ask him why he can have other female friends, but your not allowed to have guy friends. But if he refuses to let you look at his phonebook, then ask him what he is hiding.
Good luck!
2006-08-01 09:20:49 · answer #5 · answered by jaredkbyrd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We can talk until we are blue in the face ... he isn't going to hear what you are saying ... only what he wants to hear. Your phone has an address book in it ... so what ... there are other guys names in it ... so what.
If you are loyal and have nothing to hide then it shouldn't be such a big deal ... tell him to go ahead and look and then ask him for his phone so you can do the same ... its only fair right?
There is a fine line between jealousy and being obsessive. Be smart and be careful. Stay true to yourself and follow your gut on this one ... get out if it doesn't feel right and fast!!
Good luck.
2006-08-01 09:23:29 · answer #6 · answered by J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you are loyal and love him but can't handle his distrust. You can't have a relationship without trust and you need this guy to trust you if you want ot stay with them. I would talk to him about it and see where the conversation goes.
By having this talk, you could also find out why he doesn't trust you now. Maybe he has been cheated on in the past.
2006-08-01 09:20:03 · answer #7 · answered by bluechick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, he shouldn't have been looking through the directory of your phone...he should respect your privacy. If he is mad at finding phone numbers from guy friends then he should 'grow up'. They are guy friends...and your boyfriend sounds a little insecure. This seems to be HIS problem, not yours. If you are loyal as you say you are, then he is the one that should be worrying about you being angry.
2006-08-01 09:19:13 · answer #8 · answered by irishME 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey it is his problem. If you are not giving him a reason to be jealous, taking care of him well and being faithful then I would tell him to scratch his azz and get happy.
Time and time again it has been proven that"
"A controlling boyfriend turns into a controlling husband and a controlling husband turns into a wife beating, combustable angry man"
Unless you were cheating in the past he has no reason or right to check your phone. The Diva will share a secret with you. 9 times out of 10 when someone accuses you of cheating it's them feeling guilty about THEIR cheating. Check it out and I'll bet money I'm right. Think about it....
Diva
2006-08-01 09:24:38 · answer #9 · answered by black_bi_diva 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you feel guilty about having those phone numbers?
Have you or do you plan on using them to cheat on him?
If so, he's got a point.
However, he STILL shouldn't have been nosing around where
he doesn't belong.
More likely, you have a social life and he needs to get used to
it. He crossed a line - not a very dangerous line, but a line
never-the-less.
I would tell him that you value your privacy, that these
phone numbers are part of your social life and not your love
life and that part of a strong relationship is trust.
2006-08-01 09:21:06 · answer #10 · answered by Elana 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋