me an this really great guy have been seeing each other for a sort time but we live far away from each other. we both want to be wit each other a lil closer an all. im willing to move to were he is but im scared to death to move to a new place with my daughter an not to know anyone is a big deal. i would have to find a daycare an change everything i would have a job already so does any ony have any ideas of what i should do??????
2006-08-01 08:18:59 · 8 answers · asked by eclipse 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
follow your heart but take careful thought of daughter and how it may effect her
2006-08-01 08:22:48 · answer #1 · answered by buzy_bee_21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you pull up stakes and rely solely on this person for your support, DO YOUR RESEARCH!
Save some money so you can have a place of your own; find a job in the area before you quit your current one - even if that means taking a few days to do some house-hunting and job-hunting. Find out if the area has good schools and what the crime rate is in a particular neighborhood.
Above all else, do NOT become dependent on this person. You've had a great long-distance relationship, but you never really know someone till you live with them. You need to be self-sufficient just a while longer to make sure you're not making a huge mistake!
By the way, that little voice whispering to you and making you scared is your intuition - LISTEN TO IT! If more women did this, there's be fewer incidents of spousal abuse and rape, I'm sure!
Good luck.
2006-08-01 15:24:49 · answer #2 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT move for this man! Do NOT change your whole life for him! What if things don't work? What if you find that he's not what you thought? NEVER give up what you have, if it's meant to be, things will work out eventually. You have your daughter to think of!
2006-08-01 15:40:57 · answer #3 · answered by hummingbird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NICHD has been studying the separation of children from their mothers for decades. What they've learned is that if a child enters day care before age 3, and for most kids, before age 5, they are seriously damaged by this. First, the attachment between mom and child is damaged, the dad's approval of the child is damaged, the child's IQ is damaged, the child's social skills are damaged. The child is at great risk for depression and anxiety.
And, guess what - these results hold true even if daddy is the caregiver, if a full-time live-in nanny is provided, or if the day care is of the highest quality.
Why? Human infants evolved to need their mother's arms and mother's milk to grow optimally. Separating from mom floods a baby's brain with stress hormones, impairing the child's ability to learn and to regulate its emotions.
In addition, and perhaps most critically, the baby is currently forming his view of the world. Is the world reliable, a safe place, can i trust? Now picture him in day care, screaming for mommy (oh, they'll lie and say he doesn't) and you never come. What does he learn about you and about life? What does he learn about his effectiveness to get his needs met? What does he learn about what you think of his needs for love and affection?
Do you really want to teach your poor dear baby all those things? Last point, day care is far harder on boys than girls. Please don't do this to your child. He didn't ask to be born; he desparately doesn't want to grow up in an institution with a mommy who schedules in a few 'quality' minutes for him every day.
What you will miss by abandoning him to day care is immeasurable. My friends and I who actually raised our babies are always amazed by how totally detached from their kids our working friends became, how utterly unaware of children's needs and rythyms they became.
Day care is a lousy way to grow up. Up and Out in the rain, out in the freezing, out in the sweltering, never with mommy to share excitement, loyalties to the primary caregiver (who must become 'mommy' if she's gonna do a good job.) Why would you do this to your kid?
Source(s):
http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/garde... = lots of info on harms of day care
The Irreducible Needs of Children, a book by Brazleton
http://www.naturalchild.org wonderful site on kids' true needs
2006-08-03 15:23:13 · answer #4 · answered by cassandra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't he move. If he can't, then the decision seems a sound one.
BUT, make your decision after you have been seeing this guy for a "long" time.
2006-08-01 15:25:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants to be with you, he needs to think of a way to shorten that distance. Let him make the move.
2006-08-01 15:23:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't have any children, he should move closer to you-no reason to uproot your child & what happens if it doesn't work out, you'd have to uproot her again.Let him make the move.
2006-08-01 16:27:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you mean a "SHORT" time DON'T do it. Get to know him better
2006-08-01 15:24:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋