how to save 20 year marriage?

Question

when you haven done any thing wrong try taking to her she give me silace treatment what should i do?

Answer 1

If she won't talk to you, it's time to see a marriage counselor. Make the appointment and take her there.

Answer 2

If she doesn't want to talk, then there's nothing you can do really. Are positive you didn't do anything wrong? How about what you didn't do? Forget a anniversay or birthday! Maybe whatever is bothering her has nothing to do with you...she could be upset with someone else. Why not bring her a glass of her favorite drink, and say "I love you, and I want to understand why you are upset/" Don't forget the I love you part, because she might just need some reassuring...We women get moody..and sometimes it could be somthing so silly to our husbands, but to us it's a big deal. Just let her know that you want to fix what ever the problem is or that you are there for her if the problem is not with you. If she still won't talk, you are going to have just wait till she's ready. But you can tell her how you feel, that you don't like this and you feel she is punishing you for something you didn't do. Please be patient with for as long as you can, but make sure she knows that you are there for her no matter what. It's awfully sweet to ask advice, and I hope you get an answer that helps out. I love you first, then ask...it works on me, hope it works on her. God bless us all...............

Answer 3

You stepped in it somehow. The fact that you are clueless is pretty sad.
People do not stop talking to their spouses for NO reason. It must be working for what she wants.
Do not throw money or sex at this. Like-don't bring her flowers or try to take her out. Don't kiss her or try to overpower her.
Do you think your marriage is over? You must have done something--or she has and is trying to make it your fault.
If, after 20 years, you can't get this woman to listen to you, and sincerely tell her you are clueless, but you want to make things right, you don't have much of a marriage to lose.
Just putting in time together does not make a marriage. There are areas like trust, communication, respect, common ground, memories, and friendship to develop. Time doesn't do that. People sharing themselves does that.
Sometimes, women who feel they have very little input (power) in their lives, can be with-holding-no talking, no sex, no cooking, to get the man's attention. If she can get his attention that way, she will do it over and over. If she can get more input in her own life--she will stop.
Try paying attention. She's pissed about something. Decide whether you want it fixed forever or just for now. If she won't talk to you, go to a preacher, marriage counsellor, anybody, and ask for advice. Hope this helps

Answer 4

You might not have done anything, she might just be suffering from depression or have a lot on her mind.

Keep trying to talk to her, and more importantly, keep doing those little things that show her you love her. Spend your quality time with her, buy her flowers for no reason but that she deserves them. If she's tired from a busy day, take her out to eat.

You've been in it for 20 years, you should know by now the things she likes.

Absolutely make sure she can talk to you without fear of reprisal. That you'll actually shut up and listen.

Answer 5

Just because YOU think you haven't done anything wrong doesn't mean she feels the same...after all, we are talking about a woman. Communication is the key to any good relationship. You need to be able to sit down with her, in a place devoid of interruptions, such as children and phones. Let her know that something is going that makes you uncomfortable or sad or whatever...do not be accusing and DO NOT DRAG UP THE PAST. It is nearly impossible to move forward when dwelling on the past.

Answer 6

The silent treatment (while I don't agree with it) is never for nothing... you're missing something. Wait until she isn't near boiling point, in mellow mood, get her alone and ASK!?!?! Don't be defensive, just listen until she's done... to start! You might find lack of listening gets mentioned... ;)

The book "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" is excellent... we really do speak two different languages.

Marriage Rule Number 1 : Never be angry at the same time!

Answer 7

You mean you haven't done anything wrong as far as you can see. She must have a different version or the 20 yr marriage wouldn't be in jeopardy. So, you need to be asking her what you can do to show her you are sincere about keeping your marriage. This may be your only option after all this time.

Answer 8

Why save it? After 20 years of marriage women are damaged goods. It will be very hard for her to find anyone else. Men always have the upper hand in this situation. It is easy for men to find someone new--at any age, not for women over age 35. The men her age want women a lot younger, so if she is 45, the only ones interested will be over 60!!

Why waste your life on her. You can find a woman to treat you good, so why not do so? Older women who treat their husbands poorly are IDIOTS.

Answer 9

it sounds like she thinks you did something wrong.Or she's having an affair and now she's trying to distance from you.That's what women do many time to kind of "blame" you for their affair.
I would live her alone amybe try to write a letter and live it somewhere where she can find it. But don't blame her in the letter for anything even if you think it's not fair what she's doing. try to tell her that you still love her no matter what and just want to help her if she wants you to help her. I would try to write something nice and "calming"

Answer 10

You must have done something. Plead with her to talk about what is wrong. Take her flowers and candy and tell her for whatever you did that your sorry.