I met a man who is thirteen years my senior, I'm 21 he is 34. I love absolutely everything about his personality, his character, and just him in general...it was one of those love at first sight things. The problem is not his age specifically, its just that he has lived a life that i have yet to experience. He has two children, a questionable past and an unstable current situation. Everything about his situation screams crazy/illogical to me especially because i am an extremely practical person but when i talk to him and hear his voice or see him, i am swept away and its completely surreal....how do i know if im gonna screw myself over by following my heart? or what if i follow my logic and i lose the best man i could have ever known? how do you determine these things without having to posess the ability to predict the future?
What should i do?
2006-08-01 07:05:05 · 19 answers · asked by jaishikhachawla 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
There is no logic in love. But there should be. I would not rule out the possibility that the relationship will be to your advantage, but the odds are about 3 to 1 against it.
1. age and different environment
2. questionable past??
3. two children
At least you have the good sense to realize that things do not seem logical. What you need now is a distraction--another man. You are still very young and have a long future ahead of you.
good luck and I hope things work out for the best.
2006-08-01 07:15:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the answer is disgustingly simple. Unless you are just being swept off your feet from sheer charm level. It does happen. Then you just love him.
And that means everything. That means you love his two children, you love his questionable past, you love his unstable current situation, and you try to help guide the both of you to a more stable future.
You also LOGICALLY follow the path. If he keeps doing what he's done in the past, then he'll have a questionable future as well and an unstable future. And you'll need to be able to love that as well.
thats how you know if you are going to screw yourself or not. Whether or not he keeps doing what he did to get into his unstable situation in the first place.
And then you decide if you are willing to love him and stay with him even under that situation.
Easy enough in theory, hard on the heart.
2006-08-01 07:12:28 · answer #2 · answered by cloaked30m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, if the guy has an unstable current situation and a questionable past - run away as fast as you can. There may be a physical attraction, but if you are honest with yourself, what kind of future can you really expect from someone who is 34 years old and has these problems? If it is love, it would turn to hate after being dragged through who knows what that would mar your future or ruin your life. You deserve something better!
2006-08-01 07:12:26 · answer #3 · answered by Mother Bear 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I met a man with 1 teenage son. He was 14 years my senior. Friends told me that I should stay away because he has been married 3 times. I didn't listen. After 3 years of marriage and a baby, we were divorced. We have nothing in common. He was very good looking and well mannered. I thought too that I was in love with him. When he and I got married, every thing has changed. Sometimes, logic is the best way to go...
2006-08-01 07:11:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your logical side is telling you to stay away from this man. LISTEN to it. Logic does have some play in love- no we cannot help who we fall in love with but we can use logic to steer clear of a potentially dangerous situation.
At least keep an even head about you to invesitgate this man further. The unstable current situation is enough to put up a red flag much less his questionable past.
Good luck.
2006-08-01 07:11:02 · answer #5 · answered by bootsjeansnpearls 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yours's a one side of story. Isn't it imp. too, what he thinks about U ? Have U ever thought that he's a married man with 2 kids ? If U 2 both love each other with same feeling, then the age's no bar, provided his wife agrees, or has walked out on him. Combine your practicality with logic, then move ahead balancedly. Make no haste in any decision. But afterall, it's your life, U're the best judge.
2006-08-01 07:24:12 · answer #6 · answered by JD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be careful! I speak from experience. I married a man with a questionable past, and I regret it! He took me for everything over 5 years! He was only 2 years older than me. I am now seeing a man 12 years my senior and he is wonderful! So ya see, age had nothing to do with it....it's just a number. Concentrate more on the things about him that make you call his past "questionable".
2006-08-01 07:11:30 · answer #7 · answered by kristieblades 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, if he's married, stay away. even if it means your heart broken.. If a man cheats on his wife with you , he will cheat on you.. If he's not married, keep good lines of communication open. Let him know what you are feeling.. Be logical, tell him your young and they're will be things you want to experience and he will have to be willing to except that. Before the relationship goes further. These are really important. You may want to have children of your own one day, does he?, are your ideas mutual is what Im trying to say.. So many people lean on their heart and not make sense of things before you know it there in a serious relationship and now everything you wanted him to know isn't what he wants.. So open your feelings up if he's not married, and don't be blind to reality. good luck. Are you ready to be a stepmother at 21?
2006-08-01 07:12:57 · answer #8 · answered by tracienmark 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Questionable past and unstable current situation"..... Run as fast as you can! You may think you're in love with him, and maybe you are, but this has disaster all over it! You are too young to screw up your own life for some guy who can't keep his own act together! Get out, be alone for awhile, then find a real man who will be an equal partner to you, not a dead weight!
2006-08-01 07:09:46 · answer #9 · answered by Randi L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the age difference isn't important what is important in you're statement if you are practical and logical and your assessment of the situation is crazy and illogical you answered your own question alot of times us women we tend to feel sorry for single men with children we rationalize and always think we could help them make the situation better.what you're describing as far as your physical feelings for him sound an awful lot like basic animal attraction in other words he floats your boat remember he is older and has more practise be careful that hes not taking advantage of your youth to get a little something something.because god forbid you wind up with kids with this dude and then you gotta see him copying up to someone younger when hes through with you.and besides if he hasn't got it together at his age he might never get it together don't become a crutch.
2006-08-01 07:18:18 · answer #10 · answered by angelina_mcardle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋