Thanks first of all for your answers and part two of my Mom leaving is below, it's more of a response?

Question

So some are sayng if she left your dad for a man it would be ok with me. No it wouldn't but there isn't alot of pressure to accept that. This whole Gay explosion is a lil pressure I have to accept it and it's in my face all the time and My moms leaving my dad is what it brings me back to. My dad didn't talk about it with me much as a kid and I'm grown now so maybe we will. How could he talk about it then I know I wouldn't be able to. I don't hate gay people but I am very uncomfortable around Gay women, Gay dudes whatever man I'm not gay so......so what. I showing some nuts telling you people this but at the same time it's the only way I'll listen. I think I have a massive Phobia of Gay women, trusting wise. It's so much deeper now that I'm grown. Thanks for your answers I read them all a few times over and figure something out. If your new to the ? just read my last one you'll get caught up. If you have more to say please chime it's helping.

Lingua you hit it right on the head I think I'm afraid to accept a Gay woman because I might end up like my dad. I want to accept them but I am Damn scared.

Answer 1

You felt like you and your dad were both abandoned, and I understand that. No, I haven't had it to happen to me, my parents split when I was a baby. Your dad probably didn't talk so much about it with you especially when you were younger because of all of his pain, he didn't want you to view your mom in a bad light. Parents, really good ones, do that. Do you feel like this woman pulled your mom away from your dad? If that is where your mistrust begins, you have a normal feeling. I am not saying to distrust all lesbians and its okay. I am just saying your distrust is normal if you feel like this woman was a homewrecker.
Is your mom trying to get you to accept her and her partner, their relationship and forgive her for leaving you and your dad? Is that why this is in your 'face'?
Have you and your mother sat down, one on one and talked about any of this? You should let her know how you feel so she knows exactly where you are coming from. If she is not totally self engulfed, she will open up to you and share and help you get the answers only she has. You don't have to like her life, but you can support her in it, it won't betray your dad, it will show how mature you've become. I know some kids, I know I did, want to get my parents back together, and when I got older, I realized they just wouldn't work together. They still love one another and always will at least at base because they have you. Neither I feel regrets having been together, just look at the wonderful child they brought into this world. They wouldn't change none of that for the world.
I know I am going off on a lot of tangents here, I am just trying to help you some. I hope that you can find some answers here that will help you. God Bless.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Most people who are not Gay feel uncomfortable around gay people. Guys think that somehow gay men will try to have sex with them. Gay women are just sometimes scary at the best of times... So being uncomfortable around gays is understandable. Most straight people are. Mostly, though it's fear of the unknown.

You need to get over your mother issue. You should seek counselling to get over your trust issue... but chances are, you could go through life without having to deal with gay women if you didn't want to. But dialog and discussion will go a long way to making you OK with the choices your mom made.

Answer 4

Meet your mothers girl friend. At this point your Dad should be able to handle dealing with his ex'es significant other - if not he is the one with the problem. It is time to move now. Life is too short.

Are you afraid you will end up marrying a lesbian and then going through the same pain your Dad did? Maybe you need counseling about that?

Answer 5

I think that you really need to speak with your mother. A controlled environment like family counseling could really be the key here.

You have a lot of anger that is unresolved. I understand why, but I also am willing to guess that hostility toward your mother and her girlfriends is not the only expression. Abandonment issues can really affect YOU in the long term when/if you marry.

Answer 6

After my Dads mother abandoned him at the age of 6 I know that my dad never learned to nurture and he was always quick to anger. His temper was a terrible thing to behold and we walked on eggshells around him all our growing up years. He never spoke of his mother and he always avoided any mention of his childhood. I remember once he worked all day digging a ditch with a tractor and a ditch witch, and he lost his wallet and was panicked about it and my mom asked him what the problem was because the things in it could be replaced and he told her his mother’s picture was in it. He found the wallet and it was OK but that told me that he hated her but still loved her. I know you must feel the same way. She abandoned you and you have such anger about it but you need to realize that the only one hurt by your anger will be you and those that you love. It will affect every aspect of your life. Hatred is a cancer that eats at your soul. If you do not forgive it is like being in a prison but you are the prisoner not her. Set yourself free from it man. Pray that God will grant you the faith and the strength to forgive her and you will be set free you will have your life back and you will be able to truly accept another human into your heart to love. My Dad never did that he got married and he loved my mother but did not know how to show her his love he never learned to show love to his children. Hatred is a viscous cycle and you need to be the one to break it. No one else can do it but you man.
Peace brother.
Randy

Answer 7

The first thing I think you are finally understanding that your mom did not leave you. She left your father so she could try to find love for herself.

Unfortunately you got caught in the middle and got hurt. Most parents never intend for this to happen. You need to talk more with your mom and let her try to love you and you her. In the meantime also try to see her girlfriend as a person with feelings as well.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Stop being so mean to your mom and her girlfriends. Try to love your mom. In return I think in time you will see she does love you and you might a good friend in her girlfriend.

We should all stop hating and love one another.

Answer 8

I recommend talking to a therapist, personally. Anytime something traumatic like your mom leaving you happens, it's good to have someone like a therapist whose only job is to take care of you and listen to what you feel.
What you are doing is judging an entire group by the actions of a few, and it will impact you the rest of your life unless you let out the negativity. Best wishes!

Answer 9

I think you're on to something with talking to your dad. You were so young when this happened, now as an adult, it might help to hear the grown up version.

Answer 10

intense