What's the correct answer to, "Do I look fat in this?", or all the others that mean the same?

Question

But remember, answer it in this format:

1. I am (guy/girl).
2. Answer if talking to a paranoid anorexic.
3. Answer if talking to a heavyset woman.

Answer 1

You are a guy:

What the f***. who gives a s**t - -go get in the car you fat bastard

you are a girl:

Not at all, you looked beautiful in each of the 7 outfits you've tried on. Now lets GO

Answer 2

Same answer for all:

You look wonderful no matter what you wear. You would look good wearing a paper bag.

Answer 3

I am female, and I don't think women should EVER ask a man this question. Period.