I have an Issue that is unresolved, My mom left us to be Gay when i was 8 why should I and my dad be happy?

Question

She broke my heart and my dads heart to go off and date women. As a child Yes I hated her so much for making my dad cry like that, now People are like you should support her and love her and all this, What about the train wreck she left behind. I feel like if I accept her I am betraying my father cause no one stood up for him, I was to young to understand. I talk with her now but I hate her girlfriends prolly for no other reason then shes with my mom. Whats wrong with that? My mom has the nerve to bring the other chick around my father, I've kicked her out of our home evey time. I don't know why I can't get past this or even if I should. To be honest If I can't get past this I don't think I will be able to accept Gay people as a whole. This is a serious hurdle I don't know how to get past.

My dad took a while to remarry so thats but I can't get past what I felt and understand now as a kid. I don't hate gay people but if I can't accept my mom what makes you think I'll accept you. Do you see what I'm saying?

Thanks for not taking cheap shots at me everyone.

Answer 1

Your mom shouldn't have left you, period. It doesn't make any difference if it was for a man or a woman. What you need to understand, is that it could be very frustrating for her too. She loves you no matter what her sexual preference is. But, if she whould have left you and your dad for another man, then that would have been ok? The point here is not that she's a lesbian, the point is that she left. So don't hate gay people.

I'm a lesbian and I also have a son. I would not leave him for anything or anyone. If I prefer woman, and if I ever want to live with one, I would take him with me. I would take him with me anywhere I go. I'm not with my baby's father because it would be hell. I can't stand him as a partner, I just don't like him like that. Your mom probably felt the same way about your father. She did the right thing to follow her heart, but she did the wrong thing for leaving you.

Answer 2

I do see what you are saying, really. To you it is as if she done you and your father doubly wrong in that she not only walked out on the two of you, but she did so for another woman, something not considered normal. Am I right? You don't have to accept what she done, but you should try to find it in your heart to forgive her. Forgiveness may take awhile on your part, I would imagine. A mother walking out on her family is really difficult to deal with. You probably spent a lot of time during those young years, wondering what it was 'you done' as lots of kids do. I know this will sound harsh, but she walked out to be who she really is, but she could have at least continued to try and be your mom. And you won't be the first person who doesn't like nor can accept gay people. Getting over this hurdle is going to take some time, some deep digging within yourself, and maybe some counseling, your hurt is deep seeded.
Good Luck, and God Bless you.

Answer 3

Did she try and maintain a relationship with you as a child?

What if you had lived with her as a child after the break up? Would you have had a better home? Could she have been trying to shield you from a gay lifestyle by having you be raised by a straight parent?

Unfortunately many gays marry straight people. They hope their gayness will go away. Well - you know - it doesn't.

Meet your Mothers girl friend. Move on. Life goes forward not backwards. Don't ever kick them out of anywhere again. If your father can not handle being around his ex's girlfriend after all these years then needs therapy. You only get one mother. Enjoy her while you can.

Answer 4

I don't really think this has anything to do with your mom being gay. I don't think she left to become gay either, she left because she was finally being true to herself. You are still hurt and harbouring those feelings towards your mom.

You see how she hurt your father and that hurts you. You are torn between your parents. I know you still love your mom, despite the hurt. Just like your parents would still love you if you did something to hurt them. That is just nature.

I know your father is hurt. It is very understandable. He needs to sit down as well with your mom and talk to her. He needs to understand that she didn't just choose to become gay. Granted, she shouldn't have married your dad and had children IF she knew she was gay but by the same token, she was probably trying to be "normal" in society's eyes.

You and your father need to talk not just to her, but with each other. You need to make your father realize that just because you still love your mom, you are not taking sides. You love both your parents equally.

There is a bright side to all of this. You were born. Your parents both love you. Your father should thank the Lord he has such a loving, beautiful child because many people can't even have children.

As for your mom's girlfriends. You are right, you only hate them because they are just that, her girlfriend. Why don't you talk to them? I think if you gave it some time, you will realize that they really aren't that bad. Just remember, they didn't break up your parent's marriage, your mom did and she did it because she wasn't happy living a lie any longer.

You also can't hate all gays because of this situation. That wouldn't be fair. They had nothing to do with this. That would be like hating a complete race, simply because someone from that race commited a crime.

Please sit down and talk with all involved. I am sure it will work out in the end.

Answer 5

I hope someday you will be able to forgive her.
Try to be thankful that you have your dad.
I don't think she knows how much she continues to hurt the 2 of you .. Enjoy the good things in your life... despite your mother. Maybe you need to NOT see her for a while. Have you gotten any counseling about this? I would recommend that. There are alot of gay people out there that have more sense than what your mom has demonstrated .. so don't be too harsh on the the entire gay population, alot of them would no doubt give your mom a few choice words.
I sincerely hope all goes well for you, and I'm sorry that you're hurt.

Answer 6

You should be happy because you have a Dad who loves you and God has made you stronger. You are able to live and you are able to breath you can move on. I know it is hard to have a parent abandon you like that and I know you, like your dad blame it on the fact that she was gay but the real issue is that your mother left your father for someone else. Not that she was gay. Any mother that does that is not a very good mother. I am sorry that happened to you. the same thing happened to my dad and he let the hatred for his mother eat at his soul for decades. it was only after her death that he has made any progress on putting his life back in order. He was 6 when she left him. He was an abusive hateful man. I hope you can find a way to put this behind you and get past it because waiting for your mothers death to truly live is not a life worth living.

Answer 7

Perhaps the reason your dad was particularly upset, more so than he would have been because of a 'normal' break-up is that he believes he was stupid in not seeing it before. But perhaps you should consider it from the point of view that if she stayed with him she would have been in a loveless marriage, and, not being able to say that she was gay, would possibly lay other types of blame on him instead. Which is worse - believing someone doesn't love you because you're a bad person or not having someone love you because they can't?

Perhaps having things the way they are is best, because it is the truth. If your mother denied she was gay it wouldn't have made her any happier because she still would be - however much she denied it. That way your parents marriage may still have broken down, but done so based on untruths. The situation may have been handled badly in the past, but perhaps it was unavoidable.

Answer 8

Your mother handle the situation atrociously....she probably had no choice but to come out of the closet..sometimes it gets just too hard to breathe in there.....Yes she left a train wreck behind...but who exactly was supposed to stand up for your father..certainly not you at 8 years old!...You really sound like you only have a one sided opinion of what happened..You know as tragic as it is life deals us blows as severe as this on a fairly regular basis...You should maybe give your mother a little more credit...It can't be easy on her coming to see you and being thrown out of the house each time. She has every right to have her new partner with her.....if you, CHOOSE to not accept gay people because of this..then that certainly is your choice to make....however I don't see you ever being at peace with this until you try to understand your mother a little better.

Answer 9

I don't see this as a gay issue. I see this as a person who is left with some major childhood scars from a mother who thought more about herself than her family. I do not cast blame on you for having resentment towards your mom nor do I blame you for despising her girlfriends. In defense of the girlfriends, just keep in mind that they did not MAKE your mom do anything. She chose to leave on her own free will. If you have the desire to have a healthy relationship with your mom then I suggest that you both sit down and discuss what she did to you. If you don't care if she's in your life or not then I would find a neutral person who would counsel with you to help you heal from the hurts she caused that are obviously still lingering.

Answer 10

I am gay. This has nothing to do with being gay. Your mother is a b.tch. I don't blame you for hating her and not being able to forgive her.
She should have put you before her lover. What kind of a mother abandons her child? My mother's love was the only true love I ever knew. I really feel sorry for you.

So what now? Look guy, you are screwing yourself by hating her. Forget about her. Pick up the pieces, deal with it and move on. Life sucks and bad things happen. Don't let it affect how you will treat your future sweethearts. You don't want to be mistreating your girls because your mother was such a cow to you, do you?