If it bothers your concience, (and it rightly should!) you may want to try a few things. Confront him personally and ask him if it's the facts. Give him a chance to know that you know... maybe even ask him what the heck he's doing throwing away a beautiful family! (Showing concern for him and how he's actually hurting himself, not just other people.)
Maybe then tell him that you can't be friends with someone who lies and cheats, because you can't trust him. If he values you as a friend and wants to keep you, tell him that he has to stop completely, and confess it to his wife. If he doesn't in a specific length of time... well let me put it this way, if you were a friend of my husband, I would consider you my friend as well. And I hope a friend would eventually tell me if it was me in the situation.
2006-08-01 05:42:16
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answer #1
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answered by UnrealJuju 2
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Ah, the age-old question of being in the know. Here's the rub - you can't win. Period. If you tell the spouse being betrayed you will lose them both - no matter what. No one is going to be appreciative of the fact that this was brought to a head by you. Well, they might appreciate it, but - in the long run - and no matter how it turns out afterwards - you will always be a reminder of the adultery. So both of them will - either slowly or immediately - cut you from their lives, whether they stay together or not.
So really, you have to make up your mind what is most important. This is not your problem or responsibility unless and until the cheater best friend makes it your business by talking to you about it and then expecting you to keep it secret. (Of course, the betrayed spouse may achieve the same involvement if his/her suspicions cause him/her to ask you if the cheater is, indeed, cheating.) Once it is made your business, then you have to decide if you are going to enable the affair or expose it. The consequences to you are profound. If you enable it, you will feel like garbage. If you expose it, you will be treated like a leper. And if you are not involved and you STILL feel you must make a choice, the consequences to you do not change.
"You pays your money and you places your bet."
2006-08-01 12:45:03
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answer #2
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answered by two 4
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it seems like this person has no regard for family relationship or love but is just looking for self gratification the most u can do is talk because if u act by telling the the partner chances are the cheater would beat u 2 it an also the cheater could convince there partner that u r trying to break them up 4 what ever reason i would suggest u have a civil yet stern conversation with the cheating party an hear what is going wrong in the marriage for them that convince them that they have to cheat to get what they want out of it an also suggest marriage councilling
2006-08-01 12:47:01
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answer #3
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answered by vicsha 2
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You should definitely talk to them (your friend, the cheater). By saying nothing you're basically condoning the behavior. Just tell your friend that you don't believe that what they're doing is right. If they want to play around then they should consider being honest with the spouse and consider what it would feel like to lose their family. I don't think it's your place to tell the spouse necessarily... but you should make it clear, in no uncertain terms, how wrong you think it is to the cheater... and don't go anywhere with them that they might be meeting this other person. Stay as far away from the situation as possible.
2006-08-01 12:40:24
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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That is a difficult situation because, of course you don't want to betray your best friend but you don't want to see the spouse being hurt by what your friend is doing. You should talk to your friend first and find out what is wrong in the marriage. Then tell him/her to tell the spouse that there is a problem. Your friend needds to be told that a problem needs to be talked about, not ignored and covered up by doing something wrong. Tell your friend that you are prepared to tell the spuse about the affair if he won't. It is one thing that you may be betraying your friend if you do anything but he is betraying his wife in the worst possible way. You should try not to get too involved but you don't want to sit back and watch this happen when you could help.
2006-08-01 12:41:22
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answer #5
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answered by Evil J.Twin 6
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You take your friend, who is cheating, to the side and explain that this is going to stop. But you don't tell the spouse. You are in a hard situation....good luck.
2006-08-01 12:37:57
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answer #6
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answered by doc 6
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When your friend is cheating on their spouse you have to be the one who can listen to what exactly is going on. If you can't be there helping hand they will only continue down the road to destruction. And obviously in this situation she/he is racing down that road. YOU have to explain to her/him that by cheating they aren't only going to mess up their lives they may also destroy the heart of their spouse and children. You also have to explain that marriage is a promise that she/he made when they walked down that aisle.
2006-08-01 12:42:21
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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It makes you much more responsible then your so called friend. If your friend truly loved their spouse they wouldn't cheat. I advise you to stop hanging out with the friend. Maybe that will give them a clue as to how you feel.
2006-08-01 12:38:37
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answer #8
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answered by Mary J 4
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Talk to him about it. Ask him what's going on and if he needs someone to talk to. Maybe there's trouble in his marriage. Not that cheating is right. But usually when someone cheats, it's not because they're in a happy relationship. Remind him of what he'd lose if he were caught. Ask him if it's worth the risk.
2006-08-01 12:39:20
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answer #9
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answered by Lady J 4
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Same thing happened to my husband. His ex-wife's bff ratted on her becasue she was cheating on him. He divorced and now we're happily and faithfully married. I think its unfair of your friend to even involve you. I'd come clean to the spouse, but I'd let him/her know you're going to do it.
Cheaters are begging to be set free from marriage any way.
2006-08-01 12:40:02
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answer #10
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answered by okiedokey 3
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