How can I read their minds?

Question

There are 3 married former coworkers flirting with me to different degrees

#1 - She used to come to my desk everyday and sit around and chat for hours. Sometimes she would massage my shoulders or sit inappropriately to give me a "view". I asked her out to lunch several times but she would never go unless someone else was going.

#2 - We didn't talk much while I was working there but after I left we went out to lunch a couple of times. Since then she's been calling me or emailing me to get together for drinks after work but every time we firm something up, she cancels at the last minute. This has been going on for over two months now. She's trying to set up another date now after cancelling 3 times.

#3 - We used to work very closely together, but never did anything outside of work. When I was leaving she offered to take me out to lunch to say farewell. Since then, we've been having lunch together almost every month (5 times). Talk is platonic, but is she expecting me to escalate

Answer 1

#1 just sounds like a tease. Turn a blind eye with her. Act unaffected. Chat with her like it's nothing special, but don't notice her "view" at all. Chances are she'll try harder to get your attention and will stop playing games. Or she might not even be interested (is she married?)--you might just be a cheap thrill to her.

#2....If she can't commit to even going out on a date, chances are she won't be any different if you two go together. "I have a headache" only works for so long, you know? Call her bluff and ask her what's up. Tell her you'd love to go out with her but only if she means it this time. If she's just going to cancel again, then no thanks.

#3 sounds like she might just want a friendship. Or she might just be the shy type. I'd let her lead. I guess it depends on whether or not you really like her and how much you value her friendship. You could ask her out on a date and see what she says, but that put an awkward spin into the relationship if you're just friends, you know?

Answer 2

Dude, you can't read their minds, so don't even try... you'll be wrong everytime!!

I'm not sure what your question is here, but if you're wondering which lady to persue - the choice is already clear - #3 - as she's showing the most interest - #2 is just playing with you and #1, well she shut you down before you started.

Or forget all three and find someone else at your new job!

Good Luck!

Aloha!

Answer 3

Are you interested in any of these women? (You shouldn't be if they are still married.) Why do you act like you have no choice here; you do not have to make plans with these women! Or are you sending mixed signals yourself? Time to stop mixing business with pleasure and look for someone outside of work.

Answer 4

They're all married--enough said.