Why do you think my parents blam me for basicually everything?

Question

Ok first off let me tell you a little about me and my parents. I am 21 starting college for my first time. I had problems with drugs in the past but went to job corp to change my life. I stopped doing drugs and recieved my Highschool Diploma at Job Corp. Well when I went to job corps it was for me and not to prove anything to anyone but myself. Also my parents smoke pot which is something I need to get away from. What I am trying to get to is why do my parents keep drilling in my head about my bad past???? Also my parents are not supportive none what sop ever which is sad.

Answer 1

They've decided that you'd be a good scapegoat. Someone to blame all their problems on so they don't have to deal with changing or bettering themselves. It's a lot easier to get through life when it's never *your* fault. Anyways, for functional reasons, keep your distance. If they can't accept that you're doing good for yourself, (They may be jealous, as you bettering yourself may remind them of how they failed.) then that's their problem. You will be very busy with college and you don't need that kind of crap weighing you down.

If you live with them, then sit them down and tell them that this is for real. Don't get defensive, and don't attack them either. They won't listen to you if go down either of those roads. Tell them how happy and excited you are about school, and how proud of yourself you are. Now when/if they start saying something like "you'll never finish, etc. etc.- you screwed up before......" -IGNORE IT. Keep looking them in the eye and telling them about your classes, etc. And when they say "We'll see..." -IGNORE IT. There's no reason to give such thoughts attention. Besides, it's their hangup- not yours. It doesn't become your problem until you allow it. Smile and nod!!

After a while, your parents will learn that those comments don't phase you, and will NEVER get a negative reaction out of you. It may take a while, though. Just remember to take it one day at a time- don't expect changes overnight, and don't get discouraged if it takes longer than expected. If you do happen to screw up in school (we're all human) don't quit. It's NOT all or nothing. It's easier to quit and say you couldn't cut it. It's hard work to pick yourself back up and finish, and it's well worth it- something that took me 6 years to learn (I'm going back to school at 23.) All that matters is that you get your education.

Answer 2

Ever since I was 13, I knew that I would never make it in life unless I got out of my house and away from my crazy temperamental father. He was always putting me down and pointing out all of my mistakes and faults rather than the good things I did. As soon as I turned 18, I moved out and went to college and haven't lived at home since. I'm 21 now, and I've been completely on my own all through college, paying for school via loans and paying for my living costs with my job during school. I continue to get ridiculed by my parents (who have no secondary education) for some of the decisions I make, but I don't care. I've stayed on the right track all on my own and I'll soon have a degree from a state University. Lets see what the folks have to say about that.

Forget about your parents dude, you sound like you're on the right track. Just keep up the good work so you can reap the benefits in the future!

Answer 3

There are two apparent answers to your question.

The first and most obvious would be that they have been so traumatized by your level of substance abuse that they haven't yet recovered and learned to trust you again. One would suppose that you were using something a bit more potent than pot. Most medical and scientific research suggests that cannabis is a relatively benign plant: all of its most life-threatening effects are due to the fact it is illegal and you can be shot when the authorities kick in your door. In other words, your parents have to learn trust again and that is something you cannot rush. You have to keep demonstrating that you are recovered from your addiction and trustworthy oncemore. Talk with them about it. Ask them if this is the case. Perhaps even suggest a timeframe, such as "If I stay clean and continue to perform in a trustworthy matter for three years, will you then stop reminding me of all the things I did wrong when I was addicted?"

Now for the not so good news. The other possibility as to why your parents continue to blame you for the past is not because of what you did. It is simply because you are. This would most likely be the case if you are their first child, if they had to get married because of pregnancy, and/or they were not ready for the responsibilities of family life when you arrived. In other words, they blame you for their mistake; you are a constant reminder of their poor judgement. Ask them about this and see if it is true.

Whatever you find out, do not let anything they say derail you from your recovery or from the progress you're making towards having the life you want. I would highly recommend that you attend whatever recovering addict meetings are available in your community and that you seek professional counseling to help you cope with your difficult parents.

Answer 4

Sounds like you're better off moving out and moving on with your life. I felt the way you do when I was living at home. When I moved out at 22, it helped a lot. I got away from the negativity my family has and both my parents and I started to gain more respect for one another and I found the whole "abscense makes the heart grow fonder" bit to become true. Good job on working on regaining your life - think of it this way, better off to learn it young and get all the crap out of your system before you have serious responsiblities and obligations. Hang in there, you'll do good.

Answer 5

First and foremost, you did a good job in finishing your Highschool and congratulation for being in a college. About your parents the sad truth about it is they can't imagine why you were able to get out of your bad habit and they can't. There is no point in discussing about the past because past is past and there's nothing we could about it, what matter most is the future. Keep up the good work. Good Luck

Answer 6

Sometimes people are unwilling to let go of your past mistakes. If they are not going to support you as you start something that is very important to you, then you need to talk to the them about it. Let them know that you need their love and support to be successful at doing this, and at staying clean. If they are going to continue being negative, then it may be the best thing for yourself to pull away from them for a few years until you get stronger and are able to cope with their negativity.

Congratulations on going back and getting your high school diploma and going to college. You should be very proud of these huge steps. I can only imagine the courage and strength it took for you to go back. Keep it up, and make sure you build yourself a supportive network to help you as you deal with the stresses of college.

Answer 7

I'm sorry to hear about your parents. Maybe if they have never met most of their own goals in life, then they assume that no one else can either (or maybe, just maybe, they are a little jealous of your success).

Don't let the pessimism of other people ruin your future. You have to do what is right for you. Your parents will be proud of you one day, when they see how well you have gotten your life together.

Answer 8

sounds like you need to show them that there's better things out there than siting around smoking pot.Who are they to judge? Looks like you have over come your weakness. Go to college make something great of yourself. Get away from their hypocritical ways. That's not saying that you shouldn't love them, they are your parents after all. Maybe after you finish school your good example will rub off on them.

Answer 9

Just like yourself, your parents can not be 100% correct all the time on how to raise you. This is their flaw and it's something that you can either work with or be away from them, and when they ask why you are distant from them, tell them that you don't like to be around them if they keep bring the past up. Live happy!

Answer 10

You are 21 now. It sounds like you are taking care of business, so well done! Do you really still need their support? Note that I said need and not want...it's two different things. They have made their choices in life and you have made yours. Live long and prosper...that is the best way to get even! ;)