should i forgive him??and myself?

Question

i am 18 and had a miscarriage may 18 i was 5 months. i still talk to my ex. bf sometimes but makes me more bitter we were not talking when it happened and dont really talk about what happened it makes me mad and unhappy i still am in love with him. i am dating a new guy and its not helping i just realized i am dating him because he reminds me of my ex. bf. i met my ex. new gf and creepy she a lot like me even in looks but most of all in personality this bothers me. and most recently i have the yearning to get pregnant again even though i will be starting college this september worse my ex.bf and i are attending same school and have at least one class together.i look at my ultra sound pics i have and cry and i cant babysit my 8 month old baby cousin anymore cause it hurts. the more i pretend i dont hurt the more i hurt inside. i try to pretend with my ex. bf that i dont care but i do! trying for as many opions as possible. my therapist said to talk to him my ex.before school starts?

feel guilt for treating my current guy badly because i am taking out my anger i have on my ex. bf.

my ex. left me twice while pregnant and a slew of other things i am resentful for

Answer 1

do what is right only u can decide.

Answer 2

Unless you directly caused the miscarriage, you have nothing to be guilty for. The fact that you have identified how and why your seeing a new guy and are treating him badly, says quite alot about your character. Now, you need to hear some very plain truths.

You are WAY to young to be having a child, and it is a very real possiblity that nature tried to teach you this. I don't want to sound harsh, but you really need to consider this. Your body was not READY TO HAVE A BABY, the father was not ready to have a baby, and the BABY didn't want to be born yet..
You have so many, many years ahead of you to enjoy life. Going to college is going to be the best years of your life to date. Your going to be a young, single adult in a brand new experience and life is really just starting for you.
You are feeling what every woman feels after losing a child, that maternal instinct. It is very normal, but you honey, have been given a second chance at youth, at becoming everything you ever dreamed for yourself, don't throw it away.
Look, you have been a teenager for 5 very short years, and soon, in 3 years, you will be 21. With a little luck and some hard work, you will just about be finished with college, and you will enter into a work enviornment just filled with so many relationship opportunities. In three short years, you will discover that those things you think you want in a relationship will no longer be of any value, that your likes and dislikes will change with the wind, in every speed and direction.
It is perfectly ok to be hurting, you are acknowledging it, and that is so healthy mentally. Now, you just need to hold your head high, believe in your heart that everything under the sun happens for a reason, and that you may have to wait a while before that reason is found. In the meantime, you wake up each day, grateful for what you have in life, and know that someday you will find the perfect person for you, and will have the children at a time when it is right. That is not now...
Give the pictures to your parents to put away... Don't torture yourself with something you can never change. This baby was not meant to be, you must accept that, and view this as an opportunity to grow and become the person you want to be first...
As for the ex.... Lose him... As hard as this will be...
If it was real, then he would still be there. As you write the events, he was only there because of the baby, and that is SO THE WRONG REASON TO STAY. He knows it, and I believe, so do you...
You start having some fun. Your in college girl... how cool is that..

Answer 3

hey what is ther to forgive? You had a miscarriage not an abortion, right? There is no reason to be hard on yourself. You will need plenty of time to greive this loss(my very close cousin/friend just lost her baby girl she was 7 1/2 months pregnant). This is a very sad event. I think going to a new relationship was a bad idea. You and your ex bf need to greive over this. Go to close friends or family members for support not another guy. You will not treat him right b/c you are not thinking straight. don't pretend it doesn't hurt. You are human and lost your baby, everyone know that very hurtful. hopefully your therapist is helping you deal with this problem in a respectable manner. As for your ex bf having a new gf- get over it, you don't need him right now. If it's meant to be, you two will meet up again when you are mentally stable. Don't try to cling to him just b/c of the baby, it won't bring her/him back. Good luck and i hope you can find happiness and remember a loss like this is something that will go with you no matter who you are with, it will not go away. The baby will always be in your heart. I think trying to have another baby right now would be bad. You need to focus on taking care of your self physically and emotionally first. You also are going back to school-finish that first. Then when you find someone worth spending your life with, sit down and talk about family. GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Answer 4

I feel your pain I did the say thing had a miscarriage just five months ago. But getting another bf isn't the answer. It made me depressed to see others with their belly's and mine went away was having sex just cuz' I wanted to get a baby again my heart was broken wanted to jump of buildings but I got alone gave myself some me time (i.e. Spa) I wanted to start over I never forgot about my baby but I let go of my fears I wanted a real love. So I rededicated my life to the Lord. And I prayed that God would forgive me for bring down the ones I love cuz I was miserable and I felt wonderful.

Answer 5

You need counseling ! It's not your fault u miscarried and it's not your ex bf fault either! Things happen for a reason , you know we all have a purpose in this world. Forget about him the sooner u get over it the better you'll feel! Sorry about the baby! Best Of Luck to you God bless!!!

Answer 6

Can your therapist help you sort out the feelings that are bouncing around inside you? You understand, right, that getting pregnant without means of support is ten miles of bad road? I'd bet my bottom dollar there is a little girl down deep inside you that is hurting big time and needs more help than she's been getting.

Answer 7

Look if you love him and he loves you .You should do what the therapist tells you,talk to him and hook up.It looks like he still thinks of you,because he chose a gril that looks pretty much like you! I think you have hope.Don't hang out with a guy that you don"t have feelings for,it will only hurt you more,and you can hurt that guy, too. Study hard in school,it'll help you in the future!

Answer 8

God works in mysterious ways. This baby was not meant to be. God was looking out for you. You are young, you had a bad relationship, you where not married, no money, and no college education. The miscarriage was a God given blessing. Please for the sake of his name, don't get knocked up again until you are married and have a good job and a decent home. Also, please get tested for HIV. according to the CDC statics, up to 24% of sexually active youth between the ages of 13 -24 have HIV and don't know it yet.

Answer 9

I think you should get back together with him! You know when you start college your going to get jealous because all of the girls are going to want to like him! So you should call him up and tell him you want to get back together. Send him a gift basket! Just do something to make him like you. So you need to talk to him and tell him that you still has feelings for you!

Answer 10

u need to talk to him, i bet he still thinks about it too, and if u 2 have classes together try to get back with him if u still love him, show him u do and its hrad on u cos of the loss, good luck

Answer 11

4give urself and ur ex these things happen for a reason its just not meant to be