How do I deal with a husband who constantly calls me terrible names?

Question

He mentally beats me down and berats me calling me horrible names even in front of our son.

Answer 1

The question you should be asking is, "Why is my own self respect and self esteem so low that I will allow ANYONE to speak to me in this disrespectful manner?"

The answer to the question you DID post is, Don't deal with him, pretty simple really.
You must have grown up in a controlling environment as a child to accept this abuse. The pattern of abuse often starts with verbal abuse that soon is not sufficient and the physical abuse follows, if it hasn't already. You see, this is not your problem. Your husband has the control problem probably as a result of his own lack of self respect and upbringing, and this may surprise you... because he CAN. This is a classic case of spousal abuse and if he has not started to get physical it's just a matter of time. Women in your situation are the ones who really are the strongest, I mean your strong enough to take this crap, so why not put that strength towards changing it, or getting out?
Not only are you putting your own safety in jeopardy but your son as well. Sure, your going to say, but I can't, I don't have money, car, someplace to go, or he's to big, or I am afraid, all sorts of reasons, but the only one that matters: I CAN is the hardest. Someone once told me something that I will never forget. "The hardest thing you will ever do is always the right choice".
There are several social services that can help you take your son and get out, or to contact a counselor to help you change this pattern in yourself and your marriage, if of course, both of you work at it. This is not something that is one sided, it must be all of you. If he won't fine, get the counseling you need to stand up, stand firm and stand on your own. Then leave. Whatever you do, you can raise a future wife beater and insecure and irresponsible adult, or you can teach your child that NO ONE has the right to emotionally or physically touch you, especially someone who claims to love and care for you. What kind of relationship will that be for your child? As a parent, certainly you would want better for him than risking all of that, right?
Then do something about it. It wouldn't hurt to also find a way to take some self defense or martial arts classes while your at it. You would be surprised how much self esteem you would feel by knowing if necessary, you could kick his butt.
Think about you son, think about what YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE and a marriage. If you don't have it now, then get it, or get out. Life is too damn short dealing with POS like this terd.
The ONLY THING THAT MAKES MALES LIKE THIS man IS THE SIZE OF THEIR TALLYWHACKER. 1" vs 3" Ya, you dick-less. A real MAN shows respect for women, especially the mother of his own child.
Get out girl or stand up, but don't take this anymore.

Answer 2

I agree with many others that you are in a very abusive relationship. However, you need to find your self worth and strength before you are ready to leave him. If you are ready now, take your son and walk out that door and don't look back. If you are not ready, get yourself into therapy NOW. Invite your husband, but you go whether or not he goes. Your son also needs therapy because of what he has witnessed. Learn to know that you are worthy of being treated with love and respect and you do not deserve to be abused. When you know that, you will leave, or your husband will learn to treat you better. Until you know that, keep going to therapy. Never give up on yourself, and even above that, never give up on raising your son in a non-abusive environment. If you don't do it for self respect, do it for love of your son.

Answer 3

That's despicable - in front of your son too? Have you spoken to him about how this makes you feel? If you've tried that, have you threatened to leave him if he doesn't stop doing it?

If you're at your wits' end, please, do yourself and me a favour and leave. A man who does this is likely to start beating you up or, even worse, cause depression and break you emotionally. Nobody and I can't stress this enough, NOBODY needs to be treated the way he's treating you.

If you feel you've reached the point to get out and not take it anymore, there's no reason to feel ashamed or think that your marriage has failed, you have done NOTHING wrong.

My heart bleeds for you. Don't take it!

Remember, nobody forces you to love him (if you do), you CHOOSE to love him and so, can also choose to get over him and love somebody else (if and when it comes to that).

Good luck.

Answer 4

In most places this is considered spousal abuse.

1. You need to see a counselor

Take the kid and leave. As much as it pains you, living in abusive situation is modeling abusive behavior to your child. He wil become an abuser.

What you need to model for your child is you will not put up with it.

If your husband has not always been like this give him once chance. Tell him "we" need to see a counselor together. If he refuses then leave and you seek counseling on your own.

Answer 5

Get the book by Gavin Debecker "The gift of fear" AND READ IT! It will provide many answers for you. You are not alone. Unfortunately there are many before you, but fortunately you can learn from them. You know what has to be done. Just get some help in doing it so you do it right. God help you!

Answer 6

I could sugar-coat it and suggest therapy, but I'll just be blunt. If you don't want your son to grow up to behave the same way, get out. If you won't do it for your self, do it for your son. Easier said, than done, I know, but if I were you I'd be working toward that goal with the utmost speed. Good luck to you, my dear. You and your son deserve better.

Answer 7

Sounds like you have 3 choices; A) leave him, B) report him for abuse so he has to attend batterer's classes by court order, C) take it. I would choose A; it's just going to get worse. I guess you could always treat him like a child, or tell your son the dad has tourette syndrome and can't help himself - that the words just come out of his mouth involuntarily. tell the relatives that he has tourette syndrome, and what his symptom is. that'll show him. good luck.

Answer 8

How long has this been going on? You need to sit down with your husband make him realize what he is doing and that it is not acceptable. No one should have to go through any type of abuse including verbal abuse. AND YES!!!! IT is ABUSE!! If you want I can help you find support systems for this!

Pearly_Q

Answer 9

thats called being in a verbally abusive relationship and its almost just as bad as physical violence -- meaning, its serious enough where you need to decide whether or not you should be involved with him....just because there isnt physical evidence of the abuse doesnt mean its right....you need to make a decision pretty soon

Answer 10

I agree that he is abusing both you and your son, by letting him witness it. So why deal? If you don't find your self-worth and leave his butt in the dust, your son may turn out just like him.