Can a person realy change their sexuality?

Question

I've read alot of people's answers on this saying that they 'used to be gay' and are now straight or bi, some say they used to be bi and are now gay or straight and so on. Do you, in your opinion, think this is possible, I personaly don't, I just cant see it happening, mabey these people just had a bad experience with someone and subconsiously decided not to like that sex in general, mabey it's a concious decision. But I think, if the right person came along, they would be back to their previous sexuality. I just don't think you can turn off your sexuality like a light switch. If we could every gay person who goes through a bad time with it, coming out and whatnot would choose to be straight, it's less complicated. Mabey I'm wrong, what do you think?

Answer 1

No, no one can change their sexual preference. What people can do is, having had their own fears and self-hatreds played upon and having returned to the closet themselves, try to convince others to do the same.

It's an old carnival trick. You get one rube to go in and see a lousy show and take his money and he will send others in to see it to so that he doesn't feel so bad about wasting his money. Add religion to that (and the ex-gay programs all claim that they are saving gays from "hell" in one form or another) and you have a very powerful program.

That doesn't change the fact that you can't change someone. You may be able to convince them to change their BEHAVIOR -- but as has been demonstrated again and again you can't change what they are. The ex-gay movement is regarded as an absolute joke in educated circles, and is considered damaging among medical and psychological professionals. Not one ex-gay that I know is actually ex-gay. I know three. One of them, in his 40's is a minister -- he makes his living as a professional ex-gay - more or less. When I challenged him to Internet debate on the subject he immediately refused -- and said he did not need to justify how he lived. He is married, but that was always the method that gay men used to hide, so it means nothing. His refusal to debate in a recorded format speaks volumes about what he thinks I could uncover. The second is a young man in his 20s. He is terribly unhappy. Nevertheless, he tried to convert me, I laughed in his face (honestly) and after a few minutes he whispered to me "so do you want to have sex then..." I was totally flabbergasted. He knows that I've been in a relationship for nearly 15 years, but apparently doesn't really understand how healthy gay men live -- only those who have always been desperately self-hating, as he was before he "changed." The third is a boy who is now 17. His family is fundamentalist and he fights his desires desperately. They paid to send him to a camp in Texas and he goes to support meetings both in person and on-line. He is afraid to have close friends, because he always ends up wanting them. He prays and prays and prays for hours and hours, and at some point they tried to exorcise the "demon of homosexuality" which made me roar with laughter and then get very upsetat the same time --how could they put him through that? My Church hasn't engaged in exorcism in almost 200 years -- its as much a myth as the demons themselves (a product of seeing persons with psychosis or schizophrenia) are. The idea that the fundamentalists are still doing it in 2006 is... disturbing. In any event, he tells me that he can't think about girls sexually although he tries and tries, and that seeing one naked makes him sick; but that a touch from a male that is attractive and he is hard for an hour. He fights it and fights it and cries and pleads with God to change him. Again and again it gets to the point where he wants it so bad that he picks someone up, has sex, then drives them away, castigates himself, begs God to kill him, is hysteric for hours, pleads for forgiveness, and well.. repeat. I feel so sorry for him, I weep for him sometimes. Its an awful way to live.

No, no-one changes. Its a hateful, awful, evil, immoral myth perpetrated by hateful, awful, evil, immoral people

Kind regards,

Reynolds Jones
http://www.rebuff.org
[e-mail]

Answer 2

I don’t know where you read about guys affirming such change.
Anyway you have to know that between gay and bi there’s a brief difference so it’s possible to taste both the situation or for someone getting some doubt during the adolescence mainly.
The same thing can occur with some boy who until the end assumed to be straight and then the hard evidence (later) puts him close to the different reality.
If you read about a straight man who at once realizes to be gay, then there will be something strange there, surely. In fact, as you say: nobody turns off your sexuality like a light switch. Lastly, I don’t know how old you’re, but your talk becomes true towards mature guys mainly, while as I said, those changes occur frequently during puberty. OK?

Answer 3

God made people gay or straight or somewhere in-between. There's no changing that. Why would anyone deny one of the gifts God gave them? It's certainly not a choice.

Some people may choose not to act on their natural orientation. That doesn't make them any less gay. And to boot, they get to have a lot of lying, stress and tension in their life by not being true to themselves. What trauma they must undergo!

Of course, if there were fewer bigoted homophobes preaching discrimination and therefore violence against LGBT people, everyone would be more confortable in their sexual orientation. So being gay OR straight OR inbetween would be a lot less of an issue. Wouldn't that be a great world to live in?

Answer 4

No you are what God made you. Sexual orientation is not a choice. Why would I choose to be bisexual? If i could choose I would be straight or gay not some where in the middle. Where I am subject to double discrimination. I would not wish this on any person gay or straight.

I live a tortured half life in denial of half my very nature. Who would choose that? I would change in a heart beat if I could.

Answer 5

a lot of them that turn the switch like that are lying to themselves and trying to be somthing that their not for sake of what other people will think..
I also think that people categorize themselves. For instance, if soemone chose to experience with the same sex, then why would they call themselves bi if they were just curious on what it would be like to share a sexual experience with the same sex.. Bisexuality is about being able to have a relationship with a man or a woman just as lesbianism is about women who love just women and homosexuality is about men loving men..
If they are gay and they are all the sudden switching to straight, as a friend I would suggest that the person seek counseling, becasue clearly they are confused and have bee for probably most of their lives..

Answer 6

Can gay people change their sexual orientation or gender identity? (information from PFLAG FAQ)

There are religious and secular organizations which sponsor campaigns and studies suggesting that GLBT people can change their sexual orientation or gender identity. Their assertions assume that there is something wrong with being GLBT - the largest problem is, in fact, society's intolerance of difference. PFLAG believes that it is our anti-GLBT attitudes, laws and policies that need to change, not our GLBT loved ones.

Many of the studies and campaigns suggesting that GLBT people can change are based on ideological biases rather than solid science. Claims of conversion from gay to straight tend to be poorly documented, full of flawed research with a lack of follow-up. No studies show proven long-term changes in gay or transgender people, and many reported changes are based solely on behavior and not a person's actual self-identity. The American Psychological Association has stated that scientific evidence shows that reparative therapy (therapy which claims to change GLBT people) does not work and that it can do more harm than good.

Answer 7

God made us they way he did because that is the way he wants us to be. Some are straight and some are gay. We can't change how we are. We must learn to play our hand with the cards we have because we can't ask for a new hand.

Answer 8

No.
You cannot change your sexuality anymore than you can change your eye color or your height.
Either the person is just lying (a typical christian tactic) or they were lying to themselves when they "were gay". Either way, don't trust them, if they're not lying to others, they're lying to themselves.

Answer 9

i believe necessity is the mother of invention & we all can change if we have to. what is loneliness?
imagine being on an island with a goat-forever. think i would learn to appreciate that goat much until, oops!, i fell in love. that goat got my goat!

Answer 10

nope, can't change it. Maybe they did have one experimental same sex experience that went bad, so the abandoned the experiment