Family breakup?

Question

My parents divorced when I was 6. Over 20 years later and I'm becoming increasingly aware I don't handle rejection well. Not just in relationships but in social and work situations. I torture myself over things and get quite down about it, it can go on for months. Can it be traced back to my parents split? Anyone else experienced anything simular?

Answer 1

i think it probably can. major things that happen in childhood are responsible for the adults we become. you cant let this dominate your personality and let it form barriers between you and fully living your life. its gonna be hard but try to push yourself to change...learn to talk about things and express your feelings, maybe even write them down. and rejection is a part of life...you've probably heard that many times but its true. why think of rejection as a way of being put down or not needed...that's not it. if you feel rejection in some aspect of your life...cuz of some person or situation...just think....I'm probably better off without it....something/someone else will come along. and yes, i have experienced many of the same feelings...and it made me become unintentionally distant with the people i wanted to be close with.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Yes, I would believe that your parents breakup has something to do with it. However, you need to realise that in the real world nothing is perfect and everyone also goes thru rejection now and then. You need to learn to accept that it is normal and you should not take it too personally each time you feel rejected. Look between the lines and tell yourself that maybe its Gods way of telling you that this is not right for you and you need to move on to find something or someone else who would give you what you want. Also try to forgive and forget about your parents' split. The sooner you try to understand that adults have their own reasons for going through such a decision and you are not the cause of it.
Once you learn that life is how we want to look at it, not fret over the past, or the rejections, but to look forward to the good things that are ahead waiting for us to enthusiatically reach for it.....
This is the real purpose of life........to feel happy, to have dreams,
to have hope. I remember the words of a very good friend
who advised me when I was feeling down years ago -
Go to the bathroom, flush the toilet, look at the water and tell yourself that your problems are being flushed away and you have a new beginning. Hope this will help you throughout your life as
it has helped me to always look towards the brighter future and reach for success in your career and relationships.

Answer 4

People experience these feeling wither they have been brought up with separated parents or even if they had a secure loving happy childhood with both parents together.
Its just part of human nature and our conscious that we like to try and do right most of the time and some people strive for perfection in everything they do, so when something goes wrong, it can effect them pretty badly.
Try to relax a bit and don't take everything so serious unless it is a serious issue you have to deal with. Maybe even talking things over with a friend or family member can offer a different perspective or offer support.

This is more to do with your confidence as an adult and how you interpret things and process that information and that alone doesn't doesn't necessarily stem from your childhood experiences or how you were raised.

Answer 5

I too do not handle rejection well. And my parents divorced about 31 yrs ago. I don't hink it has to do with the split up, but i do suffer from anxiety, and there's a history of depression in my family. I would talk to your dr, and explain all of this to them. I noticed in myself just over the past couple of yrs, the same things you are experiencing. I've since put myself into counseling, and it seems to help. Just remember, you can't change the world, and you can't make everyone happy. Do your best, to suit yourself. Once you are content with yourself, then you'll be able to be content with others. It sounds like you have some signs of depression, and that can be helped with meds., sometimes all that is need is someone to talk to. Goodluck, and keep us posted on your progress...

Answer 6

My parents divorced when I was 5. And now I am 28. Most people don't handle rejection well. Our jobs can torture and try us everyday. How it affects us long term is our decision. It takes a stronger person to listen and be open to new ideas, but at the same time don't sell your ideas short. I try not to blame anything on my parents I take full responsibility for my stupid and sometimes horrendous actions. We all pay the piper eventually. And I stand behind my good ideas. Don't be so hard on yourself. Do the things you want to do and enjoy it. Who's going to if you don't?

Answer 7

i dated a guy that i really cared for 1.5 years ago, he's 24 and his parents split when he was around the same age as you were. he is so messed up, and it's so crappy but he can't seem to stay with anyone-- he has this perfect vision of a relationship in his head and when he discovers it doesn't exist he thinks "we're not meant for eachother", just like what he said about his parents. i don't think he realizes that relationships aren't perfect and it's not a black and white line of 'right for eachother' or 'not right for eachother' and that relationships take work.
i would say he pushed me away first, but unfortunately i didn't try to help the situation. i think he is down on himself for lots of things and is somewhat tortured inside- i can thank his parents for much of that, i'm sure.

i think if that's your hunch, then you are right. but i have had a pair of amazing parents who are still married, and i am so scared of rejection as well..but i'm working on it. at least you realize what's happening- i think my ex has no idea how much his parents' divorce has affected his life in a negative way.

i don't know what advice to give you but i think you should keep working on braving it and putting your neck out there.. do a lot of self talk especially in situations where you know you had little control of the outcome. you are a worthwhile person, you aren't perfect, you ARE lovable and you shouldn't be torturing yourself over relationships/friendships/work because that's just punishing yourself. it's a waste of energy (though i catch myself doing it as well) and you are wasting your time. if something bugs you, do something about it. if it's out of your hands, then tell yourself you did your best and give yourself a break! haha now i just have to put that advice more into practice for myself

take care

Answer 8

My boyfriend is exactly the same! But his parents are still together but are not very loving and supportive.

He keeps his feelings bottled up and then something will happen to upset him and he explodes and gets very upset, angry, frustrated and feels alot of despair.

He has told me that before I met him in his teenage years he had nearly attempted suicide and used to self harm.
I tried really hard to help him through his hard times and it seems like things have got alot better! I think he just needed to know that he was loved and cherished by someone.

It is quite likely that your family problems have caused this as you were so young.

It might help to talk to a phyciatrist or maybe even just a family member or friend.
You really dont need to feel the way you do because there are always going to be people that love and care about you.

Keep your chin up x

Answer 9

MOST people don't handle rejection well. I doubt it has anything to do with your parents split. You didn't say if either of your parents abandoned you though. You could see a counselor if you are getting really down over it. I'm thinking of going myself. I lost my best friend recently (not death) so I don't have him to talk to anymore; and having issues w/my family so I know where you're coming from. It can't hurt. We found a clinic that is free in our area (as I have no insurance or $$ either).

Answer 10

My Partents split when i was 4 turning 5, but my dad, was in and out of my life, when he felt like it. And yes it does effect me, i'm always afraid of being abandoned, and i felt that i had no control over my li fe, or what i wanted... As if what i wanted most was unreachable.
I mean, every girl wanted her dad to be a part of their life, but when my dad, would come back into my life, He would make all sorts of promises, and everything, and he'd end up disapearing, not even a call around Christmas time.

Last year, I finanly told my dad, that i no longer wanted to be a part of his life, and that i couldn't handle him weaving in and out of things, and missing important things in my life. So ibroke off ties with him... And i feel like more in control. He apologised, and thinks that if i give i time, i'll change my mind, But i wont, i'll avoid the situtation all together. It has been 20 years, of the same.

I feel that if you stood up, and did something that is unlike you, take control over the situation that is making you scared.
Find out more, of why your parents broke up, (mine was mostly my dad's fault).

Divorces arent easy they are really drawn out.. so it really sticks there in your head.

Try to take control of the feeling of being rejected, you're less likely to be rejected if you understand that nothing or noone is perfect, not even yourself. Trying to avoid people, and being left behind, will make you left behind, anyways, but you put yourself there, realize there is no differance.

Alot of people are afraid of being rejected, thats why they change themselves, to apeal to others. That is never a good idea, because you aren't being true to yourself.