Ok...I've been married for two years now...we have sex all the the time (everynight) but lately is has been more like work than sex...I used to want it for a long time now I just want us to get off then go do something else...I love my husband it just seems different...is this normal in a marriage to slow the sex drive. FYI we just had a miscarriage a couple weeks back ...would that have something to do with my mind frame???
2006-08-01 03:38:17 · 15 answers · asked by ERICKSMAMA 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have sex so much it's become routine. Time to change the dance, you're tired of the music. Sex has in fact, just become sex, sounds like the magic and mystery are gone.
A miscarriage is a serious matter, are you having sex so much to compensate for the emotional pain of the miscarriage? Are you having it because you think your husband wants it? Questions to ask yourself.
Are you having sex as a drug to avoid other pain? Sex can mean many things, and is used for many things.
2006-08-01 03:48:06 · answer #1 · answered by brian k 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My advice would be to first try talking to your husband about how you feel and about how the miscarriage made you feel! Hopefully he will be understanding and support you through such an emotional time!
Also since you had the miscarriage maybe he feels that it is important to keep having lots of sex, so that you get pregnant again, maybe that is his way of dealing with the lose, and maybe you don't want to have sex as often because you have not been able to deal with your lose! Maybe the two of you should have a few nights a week where you just sit on the couch and cuddle and have a heart to heart talk or watch a movie or whatever!
I don't know what you are going through cause I have never had a miscarriage but I can only imagine how I would feel if I lost one of my kids!
The key to a happy and long lasting marriage is COMMUNICATION, trust me I know from experience!
I hope this helps and that things get better for you soon! So sorry for your lose, Good Luck and God bless!
2006-08-01 11:00:09 · answer #2 · answered by iLoveDawnDawn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your hormones atre inbalanced right now, It takes normally two months tp get bak on track, get your hormones to normal levels, get your body to adjust againg.
Any traumatic event will afect your libido because your emotions are all scrambled up. It seems to me that you have unresolved emotional issues about yoru mioscarraige and $ex seems to be a chore rather and a deep emotional conecuion, perhaps you feel as your spouse doesn't know how much this has affected you and then you trsmit this feeling into the bedroom. You are probally holding on to your blocked grief and can't understand how he doesn't feel the same way.
Don't be discouraged as this is normal, but you have to go to the normal grief process and work on your emotions. A counselor or therapist will help. A mature good friend will do as well. You are feeling the aftershocks of something that you probally didn't deal when it happen, now they have resurfaced and that's why you don't now why this is hapenning.
Reconect emotionally with your hubby so your bedroom life will spark back up. After the newlywed phase things change and routine sets in. This is also normal and expected. It's your job now to find things to spice things up and making interesting; but you won;t be able to unless you resolve your feelings.
Good luck
2006-08-01 10:58:44 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good sex is about quality not quantity. If you are doing it just to be doing it then maybe you need to slow down. The miscarriage might have something to do with it. Go see a doctor.
2006-08-01 10:44:53 · answer #4 · answered by pjthedj247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That happens in relationships it is called working on your relationship, they take work, you two have burned your "new" time now you need to work on things that last. I am sure the miscarriage is still in your mind but sex is fun, enjoyable and if your not having fun or enjoying it then you may need help
2006-08-01 10:45:35 · answer #5 · answered by draken 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I had my miscarriage, my sex drive went down a lot! So, that could be it. Another part of it may be you are out of your "honeymoon phase", and sex drives go down a little after that. Anyway, I'm sorry about your miscarriage...
2006-08-01 10:46:18 · answer #6 · answered by Monique Andrea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal in any relationship for your desire level to change. It will come back again. You have just been through a very traumatizing event. Give yourself time. Above all, keep talking to each other about how you feel. Honesty is the most important thing in any relationship.
2006-08-01 10:44:59 · answer #7 · answered by lavenderroseford 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that may very well be the case of your change in appetite for sex...a miscarriage can have long term psychological effects if you don't address them. you may just need time to grieve. This id probably temporary but try counseling for the two of you for ways to learn how to cope with this.
2006-08-01 10:45:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would imagine alot of your life is changing due to a miscarriage. That is very emotional. Give yourself some time. Good luck.
2006-08-01 10:43:04 · answer #9 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a break from sexual intercourse. Try pleasing each other (touch, massage, kisses, etc) without the goal of "working" to get off. Switch it up a little.
Here's a calming thought... YOU ARE NORMAL.
2006-08-01 10:46:46 · answer #10 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋