It seems like it never fails..my husband ALWAYS picks his job over his family. If his work calls he is there. Today it happened again and I am fed up. We had plans to take our 3 yr.old out today and have a good day. They called from work and he acts like I shouldnt get mad. I was so upset,even though I should be used to it,that I started crying hysterically, he told me to get over it and he would make it up to me. Not this time. Am I being overdramatic? Money is not everything even though he thinks it is. I just need some advice. This has been going on for the past 7 yrs. My heart is breaking here.
2006-08-01 03:28:42 · 22 answers · asked by Becky H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you need to sit him down and tell him, that work isnt everything. Work will always be there, but his family mite not
2006-08-01 03:33:16 · answer #1 · answered by noone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 7 yrs of being together, I think you have 'put up' with it enough, he is in the right mind for wanting to make sure that the 3 of you are financially secure, but, he is not taking your feelings into concideration, and even though money is a nessesity to live, and bills never sleep, in 7 yrs he could have made time to stay home for you and your 3 yr old. You need family time, and I think you have allowed him to get away with this for so long, that he has no intentions of changing or stopping it. Are you sure it is always work calling him out? Have you ever checked up on him to make sure he was really going to work all those times? Just asking, something more could be going on here.
2006-08-01 03:44:30 · answer #2 · answered by shy&gental 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That has to be frustrating and painful.
Men view work very differently than women do. For many men, the bulk of their identity is tied up with work and their work performance. Being the "go-to guy" may make him feel powerful and accomplished.
Then again, there may be things going on that you're not aware of. Maybe they're talking about cut-backs, and he's afraid that if he says no he'll be the first one out the door.
Try talking to him calmly. Crying hysterically while he's trying to get out the door to work is usually not particularly effective. Pick a time when you're both calm and relaxed to discuss your feelings. Don't accuse, just express yourself.
It truly sounds to me like you could both use some counseling. There are resources available most places. If you have a spiritual adviser of some kind, that's a great place to start. If he won't go, go alone. At the very least you could learn to deal more effectively with your frustration, hurt, and anger.
2006-08-01 03:41:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be happy that you have a husband who is committed to his job. You still have time to see him and be a family, you just need to organize that time a little differently. At least you will always have the income, and that's HUGE when raising a family.
In short, yes, you are being overdramatic. Get over it and enjoy the time you DO have, don't spend it being negative over the time when he's doing his job. I know this may sound harsh, but think of the other end of it. Your husband could completely ignore his job and get fired, and then where would you be?
2006-08-01 03:36:29 · answer #4 · answered by thebobcatreturns 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a lot of questions to ask your self.
First what type of job does your husband do? does he do this job to support his family? Some men, like my husband are on call 24-7 when it comes to work, he feels it is his duty as a husband and father to do his job regardless of how I feel it is a man thing! if they fail at work then they fail at home. sometimes it makes no sense to us as females because we see things on a different level. we see things emotionally, we look at the little things in life, we take things one day at a time, where men on the other hand sit a think about tomorrow, how their going to pay a bill that hasn't even come in yet, Men are kinda pre-programed for supporting there family's even if you are financially stable. They don't see it that way they are always putting things away for a rainy day.
Don't be to hard on your husband he is trying to be a good husband and father! try to look at his point of view!
2006-08-01 04:11:24 · answer #5 · answered by BlackWidow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you not realize he was a workaholic when you married him? You shoild offer him respect for being a good provider, not every women has a man who cares enough for his family to work that hard. I know its tough on you, I was in that situation for 6 years. But, I think that is how men show their love, through providing. Enjoy the time you do spend with him, and don't nag about the work thing. The more you nag the more he will find things to do at the office, rather then WANTING to come home to see you and the family. Give him a reason to want to spend more time at home, then maybe he won't be so quick to leave.
2006-08-01 03:38:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should calm down. I realize family is important, but he is working in order to make sure that your family has everything. he wants his child to have a good life, and that is important to him. you wouldbe on here ocmplaining if he wasn't making enough money for you, so I really don't understand why you are complaining because he is working. There are lots of husbands out there who don't work and just mooch off their wives. You should feel lucky. But maybe you could jsut tell him how youa re feeling. And he will try to stay home more often.
2006-08-01 03:39:13 · answer #7 · answered by heatherdrake2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on your finances and maybe he feels he needs to take whatever work he can to make ends meet. At least you know he is working and not out somewhere doing other things.
Maybe he is trying to get a promotion.
Do you have everything you need? Are all the bills paid?
Some men tend to worry about these things more than they let us know.
You need to sit him down and ask him. And explain to him how important it is to you when you do plan a day together that ends up getting ruined, how it disappoints you and your child.
2006-08-01 03:45:06 · answer #8 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is from a guys point of view. Men are supposed to be the protectors the providers. He feels that if he doesnt go when work calls he could lose his job and any means of providing for his family. It is his way of showing that he cares, believe it or not. Im sure he would much rather go out with you and your 3 year old but his instinct kicks in when work calls.
2006-08-01 03:36:09 · answer #9 · answered by tony c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that it sucks for your husband to be at work all the time, but he is doing it for you and your family. I know from experience that sometimes it is hard to deal with but ultimately he has your family's best interest at heart. I think you should definately tell him how you feel and try to come to an agreement about time with the family. I am sure you can work something out. You should be thankful that you have a man willing to work hard for his family.
2006-08-01 03:55:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you, I am going through the same thing and it sucks... I hate it also, he has missed out on so much of our childs life. She is 4 and he does not even realize what he has missed out on., I am ready to leave for the same reason , I know it is frustrating. But I know that there is more to life than just the money, my hubby thinks that Money will by my love. It does not work that way, There are plenty of men out there that will and do put their families first..
2006-08-01 03:38:05 · answer #11 · answered by sweet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋