what should i do?

Question

my fiancee's mother doesn't like me and we could possibly have a baby on the way. He's in the military and she thinks I am holding him back when really I'm the only one giving him the confidence he needs, she tells us all the time we don't need kids or pets, I am a very responsible person and I have taken care of my sister when my mother wasn't able, so how am I not to have a pet at least, we live in our own house and she lives in hers, when me and my fiancee stayed with her for a few months she went and did a background check on me when it is illegal to do something like that and I was stupid enough to forgive her but she is still acting stupid. I tell my fiancee that I want to keep my distance from her, but she only makes it seem like I am the bad guy and I am taking her son when I am trying to improve their relationship. She talks about me behind my back to my fiancee's family and tells them I am a bad person. What should I do, especially if me and this guy are gonna get married?

Answer 1

i have the same prob with my fiance's family. they act nice to my face but talk **** behind my back. you have to figure what you wanna put up with. if you decide dealin with all this drama is worth it cause you have your man then you're gonna have to start puttin your foot down when she's mean to you. don't let her get away with what she's doin. it don't matter if it's his mother. you deserve better. you wouldn't take it from him, so why should you take it from his mother and the rest of the family?

Answer 2

The thing is this sounds like mom is made her son is growing up~ Mommy is not sleeping with him and if he is grown enough to make decision to joint the military he damn sure is capable of saying he wants to start a family. Sweety you do not need his moms blessing on what you all do. U will be the new mother. His mom will have to see she has to take a back seat from now on and respect you. Stop allowing her to get under your skin and the next time she does some illegal stuff, and your fiance does not do anything, I would take his mom to court~ It is what it is. She is no FBI. No point to go looking for dirt on you and talking behind your back~ Just tell her in a nice calm, way, I could of sworn you was his mother but by all of your actions and rude talking, it seems as if you are Merle 2. So, who needs you, and I do not need your approval. He proposed to you not moms. The one thing we woman hate is this young man is my fiance who is your son my soon to be husband, I do not wish to fight for him with you~ Tell moms I think I know how to care for him too.

Answer 3

Oh my gosh, we need to talk. My boyfriend's mother is the same way. His whole family hates me. I will tell you how I deal with this because it is actually taking a toll on our relationship. I have started pushing my boyfriend away to make it easier for him to leave me. I tried this with my man but he has a short fuse so it didnt work to well at first but things seem so much better.

I would talk to your boyfriend and ask him if he feels the same way his mother does. If he doesn't then tell him that it should be what everyone else wants to happen in the relationship, it should be what we want in the relationship. If you want a peaceful marriage and pets and the pitter patter of little ones running around I would suggest talking your man and asking him that you feel like you are not welcome by her. I would like to know how your man feels about the way his mother treats you. Is he an only child? This could be why?

Let me know how this pans out.

Answer 4

she just doesn't want her boy moved out of the house and have his own, adult life. You and his mother are in two different houses and she shouldn't accuse you of being a bad person when she only sees you a couple of months every year or so. She is just trying to protect her son because she does not want him to grow up but she has to learn sometime that her son is an adult and a big boy now and that she needs to let go a little bit. Once she realizes this, she will lay off and start respecting you.

Answer 5

some women can't seem to let go of their children...
what was the prompting for the background check?
you should do what you want, when you want...
but, in the long run, it is all up to your fiancee...does he continue to pull at the apron strings? does he want his mother to butt out? is he feeding into her?
if he is 'on your side' you might try telling her that you are not going to come around her anymore until she can cut the strings she's choking her son with! then, keep your word, and don't allow your fiancee to go over there alone!

Answer 6

You should take to your fiancee because if this is gonna be a problem for you right now it will be a much bigger problem when you are married. It's your relationship..only the two of you knows everything...his mother needs to butt out.

Answer 7

Family can be so difficult sometimes. I would just ignore this. Don't worry about what the family has to say about you let them gossip and act like kids. As long as you are doing fine with your b/f you shouldn't worry about them. Just keep the peace and let his mother gossip tell stories or whatever. Just go about your life and ignore everyone else. His mother just don't want to leave go of her boy and she doesn't think anyone else can take care of him but her. Eventually the rest of the family will figure out who you are and it will make his mom feel like the idiot not you.

Answer 8

I would have a talk just you and her and ask her why she hates you so much.. and then let her tell you what she has to say and then say.." listen (if u call her mom then call her mom or whatever u call her lol..) i love your son and i am going to do whatever it takes to stay wit him im sry you dont like me and you think i am good enough for your son but your son loves me and we r goin to be having a baby together and that isnt goin to stop him from anything so if you can please try and get to know me!!" and then see what she says!!! trust me it will work.. and if u have alredy done that then have ur fiance talk to her..

Answer 9

If you are pregnant with her grandchild, there's a good chance her attitude will change for the better. She's going to have to get along with you if she wants to have quality time with that new treasure of yours.

That said, this is really your husband's responsibility. He has to make it clear to his mother and the rest of his family that you are his woman, the one he has chosen to make a family with and that if they must treat you well if they want to keep on being a family.

It's too bad that his mother has pushed you into this situation, but right now, it's your husband's job to step in.

Thanks very much for you husband's service to our country. Thanks to you for the sacrifices that you make to help him.

Answer 10

Screw her. She sounds like monster in law. She is the one with the problem not you. All you can do is keep your distance from her while allowing her son to maintain his relationship with her. Your boyfriend will realize she is wrong if you speak with him about the way you feel, and hopefully he will talk to his mother.