We separated when my spouse moved out because we "weren't getting along." We weren't. But we have two small kids. Should I respond to entreaties to get back together?
2006-08-01 02:32:06 · 51 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if its a he...
he just nailed her -> ok
he fell in love -> dump him
if its a she
she just nailed him -> dump her
she fell in love -> dump her (chances are she slept with him)
2006-08-01 03:41:23 · answer #1 · answered by vince25_98 1 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Did u and him discuss any rules during ur separation, u know what u can and can't do being that their might be a chance of u and him rekindling ur marriage..
if not then u technically can't be mad because u were separated.. I mean u have every right to be mad but if u can't forgive and forget then move on.. Because u'll bring it up everytime u think he's not being faithful..
if i were u, i'd probably move on only because he was thinking w/his lower head then the upper head.. obviously he wasn't that hurt over the separation and he didn't even think of the consequences to his actions..
he just got a taste of someone elses lovin and who's to say he won't want that to happen again if u and him do try to make it work? who's to say that he won't continue an affair w/this woman? and now that he's had a piece of another women's pie he'll want more!
go to marriage counseling or cut ur losses...
2006-08-01 02:41:06 · answer #2 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were on a break!!!... Seriously, though, I don't even consider this a moment of indiscretion. You were separated, how can this be an affair?
Semantics aside, it sounds like you were hurt a bit due to the fact that he did have physical relations with someone while you were separated. If you don't think you can get past it, then move on. If it is something you both want to work to get past then do it, but it will be work.
You will have to work to forgive him due to your point of view. He may view that he didn't really do anything wrong, due to the fact that you were both separated.
2006-08-01 03:37:48 · answer #3 · answered by -J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
enough is enough the second time. The first is bad enough- ancd takes so much to come back from it strongly. The second one is almost like your spouse simply thinks they can do this whenevr they please- since you allowed it the first time. If they were seriously remorseful- and wanted their marriage to work- groveling and begging for more chances, swearing it won't happen again- is not how it's done. I have to add this because I read some of the other answers. It is NEVER excusable to blame yourself- REGARDLESS. A strong man who is unhappy in his marriage will work on fixing his marriage, or file for divorce. Withholding sex does not make it okay for the other to cheat. But it sure is a convenient excuse for the cheater to use- and make the other feel guilty. There is no excuse. A wife doesn't make a man cheat. The man makes himself cheat- and he cannot put that responsibility on anyone other than himself>Period. Never doing it again- that's how it's done. and THAT- is only if you chose to forgive the first time- some people won't, because they know there will be a second time. best of luck.
2016-03-16 10:22:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling is needed here, but as far as his affair, yes, I believe you have to forgive that. He should not have jump into the first bed that he came across, but he was trying to move on with his life. Maybe this was his wake call, that he now truly knows what he wants..and that's to be with you and the kids...I would move slowly..I just wouldn't let him move right back in. Date first, get to know one another again..it might work and it could be that find out that it's just not happening for either one of you. Someone suggested that he be tested, and I think that is a very wise thing to do. If he has a problem with that, then honey, you definitely don't need him. He should offer to go....Marriage counseling would be a great help to both of you, but if you can't afford it, maybe you can talk to your Pastor and he could help you set up some kind-of-a therphy for you. I pray things work out for you, but sometimes marriages just don't work, so then you have learn to live without the spouse. But, with small kids you will be dealing with this man for the rest of your life, so you need to be able to talk to each other, and solve problems together that deal with the kids. Be comfortable at least around one another for everyone's sanity. Best of luck to you.... God bless us all.....
2006-08-01 03:07:59 · answer #5 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you still love him and and wish to reconcile, then yes you should forgive him. He may just consider the "affair" the greatest mistake of his life and perhaps he was grasping at chances to heal the pain from your separation. At the same time, I can offer you a cautionary tale because my husband did the same thing. Initially, we were so blissful at having reconciled that this other woman didn't seem to matter. And I can't say that I ever threw it in his face but I did sometimes express my curiosities. Where did she live? Did he meet her children? etc? You must seriously ponder whether he will still have your forgiveness even after the bliss of reconciliation has worn off. Best wishes to you and your family.
2006-08-01 02:54:23 · answer #6 · answered by ophelia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question you have to ask yourself is "is this the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with? Do I love this person?" Not to excuse the behavior, but perhaps your spouse didn't think things would work out after the separation. The fact that your spouse wants to get back together with you is a good sign. Don't throw out a relationship and the chance to be with someone you love without truly deciding if it is the right thing to do. Best wishes.
2006-08-01 02:40:08 · answer #7 · answered by E Y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know that you can move beyond the affair and not throw it in his face constantly or keep that little "what if he does it again" bug in the back of your mind, then you should. If you have the slightest inclination that you can't move past it then do both you, your husband and your children a big favour and move on. Don't forget when your trying to make your decision that you were separated and as much as we hate to admit it, men are men, not women!!! And NEVER do it "for the kids". You make them more miserable when they have to grow up in a household where mommy doesn't love daddy, she just tolerates him, because they will feel the distance between you and might even see it in the quarrels you might not be able to hide.
2006-08-01 02:35:37 · answer #8 · answered by Ready 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as a divorce lawyer, i encourage you to consider forgiveness if your spouse's actions match her words. Forgiveness is powerful and you are no fool for thinking about that. The easiest thing is to cut and run. Forgiveness is much harder...but can be well worth it. However, if your spouse violates this trust after forgiveness then you have a right to end the relationship. Bottom line, your kids welfare should come before you or your spouse.
2006-08-01 02:55:31 · answer #9 · answered by K S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he treats you good when you were together, and had no affairs, and treats the kids good, than a second chance is warranted, but the problems at home need to be fixed mabbe counseling, and you both were separated when he had the affair, so really it is not cheating so say.......both of you ever get the time to be alone and just talk together about how to fix whats going on between you two? Good luck, God Bless.
2006-08-01 02:40:22 · answer #10 · answered by sidekick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, NO NO NO. If your spouse had an affair with someone else once, your spouse can sure as hell do it again. I know it will be difficult, especially because you have two young children, but if you separate now that'll be the best for everyone. That'll even be better for the children, because they wouldn't have to deal with the marital issues. Just dump your spouse and move on, it's the best thing you can do for yourself and your family ^_^
2006-08-01 02:35:15 · answer #11 · answered by anu_dew2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋