Should I let my mom know ?

Question

I lost my other question I don't remember deleting it but oh well ...This question is continued from yesterday ...Should I tell my mom or one of my friends that I'm questioning whether I'm straight ???..Do you think it will affect how people perceive me at school ?...I know I would (probably) be removed from being cheerleading cpt, homecoming queen etc... i'm actively involved in school and I know some of the ppl around we will not accept me..... Act like nothing is wrong or confide in somebody about it ?What would you all advise me to do ?

someome made the statement that yesterday I had said my mom would be disappointed, but I highly doubt that she would . Actually she wouldn't mind at all.. I know she definitely would be suprised though lol..Is it ok to be gay and still cheerlead ?...I'm not attracted to any of the girls but you know I know how they would feel if I did tell them. On the otherhand I feel like I'm being deceitful or not trustworthy...

yeah I don't want to proclaim it to the world lol but I definitely feel that it is important for me to talk to someone that will understand...I'm not going to tell any of the girls on my squad or my friends but still it just kind of bothers me

I really appreciate the response I'm getting so far and will deeply take this to heart ..So I know most of you have said not to say anything which I WON'T do ..I'm not going to sacrifice what I have for my sexual orientation but would any of you know of any good websites that may support any teens that maybe questioning ????

Answer 1

Give it a year or two. Wait until you are totally certain, and choose a time when you have little to lose. You said yesterday that your mom would be very upset. You don't want her to throw you out of the house, now, or when you graduate. If that is a risk, wait until you have the means and a plan to make it without her support.

At this point it is just a feeling of questioning you have. Deal with that without making a big magilla out of it.

Oh, and I think I suggested yesterday that you put the words "questioning youth" in your web browser and read some of what you see there.

Answer 2

I think that it is good to give things time, only so that you can know your feelings. I am not saying that what you are feeling isn't true, you might just want to be sure so that you do not cause a big stink. High school can be very rough. I was very choosy on who I came out to. I think that things are changing though and that it is just a matter of time until all people can come out without the persecusion of others. There are many aspects to think about like teachers, coaches, and peers. You never know who really has the problem with it until you come out. They will do things that will be so behind the back and sly, that there would be no way to challenge things. Like a teacher could give you a completely different test or something. But you would have no way of knowing that unless you cheat, therefore, you lose both ways. It is just tricky and I am hoping that you think long and hard about it. If anything, keep it small at first.

Answer 3

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! And yes, I am screaming this. You are far too young to know much about yourself, time will determine where you are at. IF YOU TELL YOUR BEST FRIEND, the whole school will know within 10 minutes...you do not need that in your social circle. Why do you feel this is important to anyone but you???? Your actions effect no one but you at this point. IF you tell your MOM< it will effect her needlessly. There is plenty of time to let the cat out of the bag when it is necessary...this is NOT necessary. PLEASE do nothing that will give you great problems in school, perhaps at home. You do not need this on your shoulders, and it would be for absolutely NO REASON...nothing will be served in your sharing this with anyone at this point in life. Nothing positive, at any rate. You don't need people whispering behind your back. You are a popular girl right now, you will not be if you run your mouth. I AM GAY, I KNOW what I am talking about. There is a time, especially when you first come into realization, that you want to tell everyone....DO NOT DO THIS! Too much information! No body wants to hear about it, just trust me on this one. My heart is with you more than you can possibly know. Ignore ANYONE who says, "be yourself." They are not you, will not suffer the consequences that you will suffer, and you WILL suffer if you start running your mouth when it is not necessary.

Answer 4

I think other people are handling the other aspects of this question, but I just want to say that they can't kick you off the cheerleading squad or take away your homecoming queen crown because you're gay. If they try, you can probabaly sue the pants out of your school district. I would just stop worrying about this one.

And hey, you won't be the first gay homecoming queen:
http://www.nbc5.com/education/5126635/detail.html

Answer 5

In truth it will alter how people look at you. I have several friends who still don't know I'm gay even though I've brought girlfriends over for them to meet. My father will probably never really catch on, he's got some pretty big blinders on. But my mother is coming around to accept it. Both of parents have gay friends its just been harder for them to accept that one of their children might be.
I know that it’s hard to begin questioning your self, but before you talk about it with people your afraid aren't going accept you be sure that this isn't just phase. Almost everyone, especially girls, in this era question their sexuality because it is so popular for women to gay or bi. But not to fear every generation has survived their sexual revolution and the gay community is usually very open to people who don’t know which way their going to go in life. I’ve made my choices but I also have to admit how hard it is to be gay. I will probably not be able to marry legally in the United States (at least not all of them), jobs will be harder to find in certain places, I will never be able to discuss it with my grandparents, or most likely my younger brother and I have problems truly coming to terms with my new social acceptance.
Some people will tell you that if your friends don’t accept this then their not really your friends. That bull *&#. Your friends are your friends and they like you for the person they know you to be, you don’t have to shove into their face something their uncomfortable with. Many people have friends who never know, I have a few, their very religious and while they know that I’m very much against many of the things they believe in they can laugh that off. I don’t think at this point in their life they could understand if I told them I was gay, but I have no doubt as they get married and settle down we’ll be fine.
So what should you do? Understand that everyone questions their beliefs at some point or another, and your sexuality is a belief. Being gay is hard. You will lose friends or family if you confront them with this. But you can help your self by talking to your friends about gay issues. Find people who you can debate with, and find people with similar views to your own. If you have gay friends start there. Tell them your questioning, not that you are, its cruel to get people’s hopes up. Then go out and find a gay bar or preferably a lesbian bar and go hang out with the bouncer or bar tender or if your not old enough try to find a gay event in your area (Craig’s list is great for this www.craigslist.com). But if you ever want to talk about it with someone who has no idea who you are and thus can’t judge you just e-mail me, and if you live in Puget Sound I’ll be happy to take you somewhere if that what you decide you want.

Answer 6

It is your choice and you should do whatever you think is right. I think if you would like to talk to your Mother about it and she would be open-minded then go for it. Questioning such things is natural and if you think and talk about it more then you can figure out how you feel. You might even try to go to a local GLBTQ youth group to get support and talk to other teenagers and young adults like you.

As for telling people at school you might want to hold off on that until you are ready for the backlash and reactions. I did dance teams in high school and I know if I had come out as a bisexual girl then they would have treated me differently if not kicked me off the team all together (close minded school), so you need to think about that. Maybe just wait until you know if you are straight, bi, or a lesbian before telling friends at school.

But you don't have to hide either. Be proud of who you are.

Linked site to find youth group:
http://www.youthresource.com/about/youth_group.htm

Answer 7

Tell a few close people. Then when people confront you about it just be very non chalant and say" yeah....so?" That's what I did...and that thinking not only got everyone to accept me but people actually respected me more and next thing you know all the other girls are "Gay" too. I was definetyley not trying to start a trend....but the girls saw how well everyone took it and how much attention I got from it.

Answer 8

First of all nothing is wrong my dear.. you are just not sure about an aspect of your life and either way there is nothing wrong! I would talk to your mom about it if you are comfortable with her.. you need someone that is not going to be against it that you can talk with openly about it but as far as friends or anyone else its none of their business especially if you are just questioning if your gay... I mean I don't think that is something you just go and talk to people about its personal.. once you have made your choice and know what you want then yell it from the roof if you want.. just make sure you are comfortable with who you are cause you are just opening yourself up to other peoples opinions on the matter and it really makes no difference what they think.. this is all about you and your happiness don't confuse yourself with someone elses bias
If you really need someone to talk to call the kids help phone who have councilors that will help you too!

Answer 9

Wait to "come out" until you get to college.
And ask the most masculine openly gay guy at your school if he would be a love and take you to prom.
Just explain to him that you don't feel like wrestling with a football player in the middle of the night, and that you're just looking to make your appearance and have some fabulous pictures taken.
Tell everyone you're just going "as friends."

Answer 10

Your solution to this depends on many factors. If your family is religious or unaccepting in general, then wait until you are out on your own. As for the people in high school, they are always looking for reasons to hate you, degrade you, and make you less of a human being. I really don't think they are worth your time - as most of them you will never see again once you graduate. As for being removed from cheerleading and not getting homecoming queen, there's something you NEED to know. Legally, it is incredibly wrong for them to deny you participation in any school event or sport simply because of your sexual orientation. That is one thing that will not be tolerated (despite what our current presidential administration wants you to believe).

Being gay is not a disease - understand that if you are homosexual you have the same rights (excepting marriage but we are working on that) as any other American citizen.

Personally I don't believe in telling everyone about everything in my life. I don't wear my gayness like a sign on my back. Labels are for suckers - no pun intended. You don't have to tell everyone if you are gay - it's not a requirement that you tell every single soul out there, shout it from the rooftops, and put an ad in the paper.

However, you should not be ashamed to be who you are, regardless of gay, straight, bi - because in the long run of history it really doesn' make a big difference in the world. Respect yourself enough to know yourself. Be who you want to be, and don't give in to others who wish they had power over you. They have no control over you unless you let them have control over you.

So make the most of your life in high school, and get out to a good college or university. Get educated, know your rights, know yourself, and get your own place in this world. Make yourself happy - because honestly when you are happy nothing else matters.