Do you think that it is wrong for a mother to choose not to live with her children??

Question

I suffer from bipolar, borderline personality disorder and PTSD. I spend a fair amount of time in and out of the psych hospital. I choose to give my daughters over to their fathers...it was the hardest decision to make...I think they are doing much better than they could with me...I still see them every month, though it is difficult to say goodbye and we talk on the phone a couple times a week so I can get the dish on what is going on.
Would there be a term for what kind of parent I am?? You know how there are single mothers, stay at home mothers...what am I?????

Answer 1

You would be a wise parent. If you are not able to take care of them, it is a BIG person who would do this.

Answer 2

You have made a very courageous decision. I feel that more people should make the same decision! Too many women feel that they have to take the children when everyone around them knows that the children would be better off with the father or some other family member. I applaud you for realizing your limitations and the effect that your condition would have on your children seeing it day in and day out. I also think it is completely commendable that you make an effort to stay in their lives and visit.

As far as a term for what kind of parent you are? A responsible mother looking after the well being of her children.

Answer 3

I would call you a loving and caring mother. You have shown that you are aware of the mental disorders that effect you. And because of that you have also shown that you want what is best for your children. That is called love. I applaud you for the responsibility that you have taken in acknowledgment that you understand and know that what you are suffering from medically can also serious effect the home life of your children.

Even though that it is hard I truely believe that you have done the best thing. I too also went through a period of time where I had to place my children in a foster care, mainly because I had no way of taking care of them due to the fact that once I seperated from my husband and he would not help me in any form, lost my car, my job and eventually my place to live. Being a mother is very hard at times. I wanted my children to have a stable environment and placing them in the foster care was the best thing that I could do at the time even though I believed that I would die from it. I didn't have a choice of placing them with anyone else and did what was best for them.

That is basically what being a mother is. It is doing what is best for the children even though it causes great pains of the heart. Stay strong and I hope that you will conquer your illness soon.

Answer 4

I'm not sure what kind of a specific term to call you other than a very good mother. You're doing absolutely the right thing for your children. My hubby suffers from borderline and PTSD (no children though) so I know how hard it is to live with someone who's in and out the the hospital on a regular basis. God bless you for caring enough about your kids to make this choice, even though it's heartbreaking for you. Don't be concerned about trying to label "what you are". You're a mom, period!

MHR - you seem to be one of those people who knows nothing about mental illness or how difficult it is to treat. Shame on you for being so harsh. Would you tell someone with cancer to just snap out of it?

Answer 5

My mother has never being officially diagnosed (because she refuses) but there are strong suspicions of her psychological health. Counsellors (who are not professionals) believe she has bipolar. Out of 5 of us children, 3 of us left home at 16, and my youngest brother left at 14, 8 months ago (he's now 15).

I believe that until you have confidence in your condition and that you CAN provide the best stable environment for them, make a decision that's best for the CHILDREN! Try to get better because children need their mother and it's hard not to have one. They'll appreciate what you're doing later on when they're old enough to understand.

You are a mother trying to do what's best for her children. I admire you. You have confronted your condition and are dealing with it. I really admire you. All the best. :D

Answer 6

I too suffer from PTSD personality disorder bipolar severe depression with psychotic features,anxiety with agoraphobia(fear of public places) and schizo-affective disorder.My ex-husband has primary physical custody of the kids and we have joint legal custody of the kids. I have 4 children 21 18 12 10.
The two oldest refuse to talk to me.I get visitation every other weekend with the two youngest..I call them frequently and we send e-mails,and talk on yahoo messenger.And when I am playing Pogo games,they will find the game I am on and chat with me.

I too feel that they are in more capable hands being with their dad.It is hard for a woman not to have custody of their children.People term you as a bad mother.But a man can get by with not having custody of the kids.Double standards if you ask me.

I term you as MOM,MOMMY,MOTHER and do not let others tell you different. As a woman going through this I whole heartedly agree with your decision,b/c I too had to make that decision for the best interest of my children.Yes,I do stay awake at night and cry for them/long for them.Or not being able to tuck them in at night.Or not having fun/happy experiences b/c you do not seem it is fair b/c the kids aren't there.And holidays with out them are a night mare.

I know my responsibilitie--(directed to those of you who ave not had to experienced it).I pay child support.What about the men out there that have neglelcted their resonsibilities,and there are alot of them,that do not stay in contact with thier kids through visitation,phone calls and child support.I beleive women are more responsible then men who do not understand what this poor mother is going through.

God Bless You.

Answer 7

A very caring and very unfortunate person who had to make the hardest decision I can ever think of. You despite all the issues before you took your childrens best intrest to heart and made the best of a bad situation What are you a Very Good Mother! reaper out......

Answer 8

i imagine that if a lady chooses to have a baby, she ought to be accountable adequate to take care of it. If no longer, then she ought to both abort the fetus or undertake it out. i don't think of that is unavoidably better for a organic mom to develop her little ones, because there are a determination of not worthy moms available. some are abusive, addicts, desperately poor and so on. If the baby has a risk to advance up in a house loose from this stuff, then they're going to do better than had they no longer. I easily do not imagine they ought to be compelled to grant their baby away except they're criminals. i'm in contact about authorities suggestions, yet i imagine that better money ought to be positioned into preventative techniques and sex preparation (no longer abstinence preparation).

Answer 9

if you know what your suffering from I think you should be able to think of the solutions since you have thinking capabilities I'm sorry to say it but I think your taking a cheap shot out on probly the only people who would really care for you you shouldn't let your past or your problems get in the way of bieng a good mother quit hating the fact that you have responsibilities and learn the great satisfaction and rewards of puting your kids before yourself and you should not have split up your children quit petending like you don't know exactly what your doing I know what your doing so do your kids

Answer 10

I feel like you have made the right choice for your children, and just want them to be safe. If they would be in any possible harm in your hands, it is a good thing you decided to give them up. How do they feel about your decision? You should have a chat with your children, and see how they feel about this whole situation.
I would call you... a special mother.:)

Answer 11

You made a very difficult but very mature and loving decision. You are to be applauded! I know this is difficult, but as you aren't parenting right now, there really is no term for it. How about we come up with our own term? You are distance parenting?!! Good luck. I know this must be heartwrenching!!!