my husband left about a month and half ago. He is having a relationship with someone else. I just want to get over this, and get on with my life.. I'm wondering if I start dating would that put me in the same catergory as him " a loser". He has said horrible and discusting things to me. He has broken me into a million pieces. I never thought someone could be so cruel, exspecially when I am the mother of his two children. He has told me he is having the time of his life, without me in it... I guess the grass is greener on the other side. " I hope it turns brown on him soon!. Any ideas how to move on, and get him out of my life for good...I know the kids need him and I would never take that from them. I just want him out of my life. I dont want to see, hear or look at him he makes me sick.. What he has done to me, I want double back to him. Please help! Oh yeh I have been married to this man for 15 years, He is soon to be 40! I'am younger than him. You think midlife crisis?
2006-08-01 00:55:25 · 19 answers · asked by carol s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow.. dejavu..I had this exact thing happen. I was with him longer though. He was a wife beater, drunk, cheater and never paid his bills. The very last fight I kicked the crap out of him and the next day he was asked to leave. I could not kick him out he had to do it on his own because we owned our home. When he left for his gf it was considered abandonment. Boy, was I ever relieved and so were my boys. I met the most wonderful man. I lost him due to a snowmobile accident caused by some jerk. Today it is almost 7 years since the day the jerk left and I am in another relationship that is strong. I too feel that the jerk ought to be dead. He has proven to our boys he is a dead beat father. The boys know who loves and cares and they are teenagers with their voices and do tell him exactly what they feel. I say to you,..chin up girlfriend..there is a much better man out there for you. Divorce him and take him for every penny you can. Yes he is a loser and yes you do deserve to have a decent man. He left you, you did not cheat on him... you are single now...he can not get you for adultery. Be proud to be rid of him. Lots of luck and hope that you get all you deserve for a much better life that awaits you ahead.
2006-08-01 01:10:28 · answer #1 · answered by italliansweety67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he is at that age where he "needs" to feel younger and being married for 15 years just didn't seem "fun" anymore. He is having a selfish period and by him saying horible things about you that is proof that he doesn;t respect you. He wants you to hate him so it is easier for him to move on. WELL give them exactly that. Although I don't advise you on "dating" but I would go out with some friends. I f you already have male friends or girl friends. If you do go out make sure it is in groups. Right now you are vulnarable and the guys will sense that and take advantage of you. I do think you should go out once a week though and find a sitter or whatever. Get your hair a different way. Kinda like a mini makeover. Even if oyu don;t "need" it, it will help you feel like a "new person and not his ex wife. Go buy a new "sexier" outfit. Do small things for you right now. That is the only way you will "get over him" and do well with your kids.
2006-08-01 01:07:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't make excuses for his lack of respect for his marriage. He's not having a midlife crisis he just doesn't give a hoot about respecting the sanctity of his marriage.
He disrespects you by cheating and emotionally abusing you .
With a husband like this, I feel you do need to focus on yourself and try to work out something as far as visitation for the kids where he can't run in and out of your life when he feels to do.
Sleeping around can bring you std's so its best he did leave and take his filth and disrespect somewhere else.
You have a right to eventually find someone who truly cares for your well being but first, I suggest you resolve your present situation so you don't involve a third party in your marriage
problems.
By resolving your problems at home you can at least go into a
potential new relationship with less baggage and get on a new path to a healthy relationship that brings peace and a happy
environment around your kids because right now their seeing and living under a house of pain and dysfunction. Good Luck.
2006-08-01 02:13:37 · answer #3 · answered by words from the heart 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry this is so painful for you. Clearly, you didn't see it coming. He is saying awful things to you to somehow justify what he's done to his family. If he has to admit that you are ok, then he'd have to admit that he was wrong to do this in this way. I think people use "Mid-life crisis" as an excuse to act irresponsibly. If that's what it really was, couldn't he sit down like an adult and tell you that he feels like he's changed, and maybe you've changed, and that what he wanted 15 years ago is not what he wants now? It would still hurt, but it would NOT be insulting. People tend to be cowards about this stuff, in my opinion. (Myself included--it's very hard to tell someone you just don't want to be married to them anymore. But you don't make it easier by cheating, that's for sure. At least I managed to avoid that mistake. )
You need to talk to an attorney, and maybe get some counseling, depending on how shaky you are feeling. Once you are legally separated, which can happen in a matter of days or weeks, if you think you'd like to start dating, try taking a class in the evening--something men would attend too. You'll have something in common with them, and you can suggest grabbing a cup of coffee after class to several people, to talk about the class. If you hit it off with one of them, it will be a gradual thing, instead of an awkward first date. I'd stay away from bars at first--too much potential for meeting jerks who are looking for a one night stand.
You are still young enough to make a happy, full life without him, and you should start planning now. No reason for you to see him, except when it involves your kids. Don't waste your energy wishing bad things on him either. Instead, wish GOOD things for yourself, and your kids. I hope you find happiness soon.
2006-08-01 02:36:50 · answer #4 · answered by homebuyer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What ever kind of "crisis" he is having, he was determined to hurt you and his family as much as he possibly could. Honey, you are not ready to start dating when you're feeling this way. Do something nice for yourself, though. Go and do something you always wanted to do. Concentrate on yourself for a while and you will regain that self-respect you lost along those 15 years with the "loser". You might want to go out and enjoy some music or just practice flirting, but you know it would be difficult to talk to a man without talking about your hubby. That is a sure-fire way to run anyone off. Get yourself together and then start dating. OH..and don't take this fool back. Take him to the cleaners! Don't communicate with him; let him talk to your lawyer and don't badmouth him to the kids. God Bless You!
2006-08-01 01:27:56 · answer #5 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Undoubtedly a midlife crisis.
Just take the higher road. Don't stoop to his level - you are the good example for your kids. Don't become a bad example for them - they already have one.
Don't be vindictive or vengeful, no matter how much you want. If you retaliate, you teach your kids that this is the way life is, and they will repeat the 'education' you give them.
You are a sad sack right now, but hold your head up high and get some therapy.
Good luck (and always remember your kids are learning EVERYTHING from YOU!)
2006-08-01 01:03:05 · answer #6 · answered by crazyotto65 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear that your husband left you- you are devastated and bitter which is understandable. What he has done to you and your children is selfish, heartless and inexcusable. But my deaer life goes on. You cannot force him to want to be with you, he has taken a decision let him be. You do yourself a world of good by not wallowing in a sea of vengeful thoughts. Channel your energies towards something positive, negative thoughts and ill wishes for your husband will only serve to frustrate and drain you emotionally especially if you hear that he is happy in his new relationship and nothing horrible happens to him inspite of your curses. Concentrate on yourself, forget about him he is not worth it. Have a makeover, join a healthclub, make new friends, go on a diet, buy yourself some nice clothes, pamper yourself. Out of all the effort you invest in yourself will emerge a new dazzling, happy, attractive and desirable you . Am sure out there somewhere there is your dashing prince waiting to sweep the new you off your feet. Hope you recover soon. Wishing you the very best.
2006-08-01 02:12:48 · answer #7 · answered by black beauty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that. Went through the same thing myself. You just learn to cope sweetie. My children were younger; my eldest was 3 & I was pregnant with my daughter the first time we separated. He officially ended it when she was 2 when he decided to be with that other woman indefinitely. The grass is definitely greener on the other side...and I guarantee you, in time, he will eventually "attempt" to apologize and tell you he made a mistake. That will come in time. Take comfort in knowing that what comes around, goes around.
You should email me.....we could probably swap some stories. And, you'll see, that this hell is only going to last a short while compared to the rest of your life.
2006-08-01 02:15:35 · answer #8 · answered by Dee M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I empathize with your pain of your husband cheating. I have been there and know the agony. In my opinion,no you should not start dating,especially just to get back at him. There is no "revenge". Please know that he is cheating because HE HAS THE PROBLEM...not you. No matter what he says to you THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Now is the time that you should rely on your faith,family and friends. Be good to yourself and find who YOU are again without him. Do some of those things that you have been putting off and have some fun. Your children need you now...show them a strong,vibrant woman and be that role model they need. Yes,he will be their Dad forever and as hard as its going to be try not to interfere with that relationship between them. Don't call him names and put him down in front of the kids, save that for your girls night out!! Mid-life crisis?? More like MALE BRAIN MELT DOWN!! Dating will come later...don't be one of those woman who just cant live without a man.Hang in there woman...with time and some prayers you and the kiddos will be OK
2006-08-01 02:35:30 · answer #9 · answered by yankinok63 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK..before you start dating again, you need to contact a lawyer...you don't want him to have anything that he can turn this around and blame you for it.
I don't know if I believe in the Mid-life crisis deal or not. I know many men that have went though this stage and haven't ended up cheating on their wife.
Don't let him continue to beat you up. He has got to make himself look good, so he is trying to beat you down.
Sorry to hear that after 15 years this is happening, but look at it this way....it will be a blessing hiding in something that as of right now is hard for you...but ....You will find happiness and his miserable self will not!
2006-08-01 01:12:02 · answer #10 · answered by SouthernKNC 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋