We have been together for 14 years and married for 8, no children. He cheated on me for 2 years and when i found out we seperated for 8 months but i forgave him and we got back together. I have never cheated on him but now that we are back together for 5 months i feel i want to do this for myself and it has really nothing to do with him. Iam confused however, because i don't know how i will feel afterwards and if i even have the courage to go on with my marriage, although i love him very much and i don't want to get seperated. What should I do??
2006-08-01 00:44:58 · 42 answers · asked by celly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Are you going to be comfortable with another man sexually? It has to be mentallly satisfying with no feelings of guilt.
And are you willing to face the consequences, bear the results, if he finds out?
If you think yes, then go ahed and enjoy!
2006-08-01 06:53:15 · answer #1 · answered by Starreply 6 · 7⤊ 1⤋
You will feel guilty at first, then you will want to cheat more and more often. Whether its revenge sex or just a little something for fun, its going to give you some guilt. I believe that if you found your spouse cheating, your entitled to do whatever you want to. Just remember that he may not be willing to forgive you. If you don't care either way, do it, but plan on a divorce because if this is a thing you want to do, your lack of love for your husband is already apparent . I read all these peoples comments that you should leave before you do that or your as low as he is but I bet most of these people have no true experience with being a victim of a cheater. The roller coaster ride your enduring from his cheating is a horror. Go get laid and have some fun. And do not feel guilty, he started it, you can finish it with your own fling and end it at that. Never ever let him know that you did that or anyone else. Make sure the person you choose to do this with is emotionally stable, disease free and can walk away with no strings attached, and dosen't kiss and tell.
2006-08-01 01:26:38 · answer #2 · answered by paulsexpress 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok, here's the deal. I've gone through what you are going through. If you do not want to break up your relationship with your husband, I suggest you work on the relationship and cast the thoughts of cheating to the side. I will guarantee you that it will only make things worse. If you forgave him, and you know that he is now faithful and is very serious about the marriage, then do not do it.
I cheated on my husband after many years of doubting his fidelity. We are barely still together. I love him very much, but now I am in another relationship that tears me apart. I want to work my marriage out, but I want to try things out with this guy, since he treats me like gold. My husband continues to go back and forth with me. Some days he acts wonderful, and other days he doesn't want anything to do with me. Some days he loves me, some days he says he's not in love with me anymore.
Very confusing and frustrating. If you and your husband are doing well and you guys love eachother and mean it, please don't do it. For your heart's sake. If you can't stop the feeling, then separate again, tell him you need to know if this is what you really want. Don't do it while you're still together. You will feel horrible.
Good luck. I hope I was of some help.
2006-08-01 00:52:43 · answer #3 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well girl I can relate to you and your situation ..I mean my husband cheated too and i forgave him and we got past it together why becuz i truly do love this man .. Id just like to say two wrongs dont make anything right ! you took vows before god ? I wouldnt break that just to get even ..and always remember what comes around goes around ..you can be the bigger person .. I chose not to make things anymore complicated then they already wer ..maybe if your feeling the need to cheat you should just leave him ..maybe you didnt forgive him and you want revenge ..you really needa ask yourself if you even want to be in this relationship with him anymore ..I dont like cheaters becuz I know how it feels to be cheated on .. I say be the bigger person and just leave if thats the case but thats just me i cant tell you what to do just follow your heart do what makes you happy ..if your confused then maybe you should talk to him be real with him and yourself and im sure you will feel alot better as a person I know i do .. I mean all my friends told me to cheat get him back make him hurt the way i was but its just not me .. i have a consiance i just dont think its worth it ..and if you do cheat and u do tell him your gonna have the chance of him walking out on you ..is that a risk your willing to take ..my heart goes out to you .. its not easy being in a marriage after someone has cheated but time heals all wounds ..if you really want this marriage to work u gotta try to let it go and move on in life i know from experiance u will never forget but the pain does fade away ..it can work if you want it too .. good luck girl and i truly hope you make the right decision .. im here if u need to talk
2006-08-01 02:16:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really if he cheated on you then it was dumb of you to take him back, but you would be two faced if you did it back to him. You would be doing the thing you punished him for doing, wich makes you in the wrong in the long run. I know I would never have taken him back, but since you did you showed him that you forgive him and it's best to not cheat. If you are just wanting to sleep with someone else then I'm sure you could probably talk him into 3 or 4 somes or swinging.
2006-08-01 01:00:54 · answer #5 · answered by nshappe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOu know I did the same thing....I found out my husband was cheating. He was always out with his friends and I was left to take care of our 3 kids one a newborn all the time by myself. It was frustrating. I never thought he would cheat. Then I found things and info that he did. I was sooo hurt that I slept with someone( aclose friend). It has made things WORSe and now he feels he can't trust ME. He didn't change in fact by me sleeping with someone else it made him want that "freedom" again and things went the same direction. PLease don't do this. If anything just tell him you need a few months to think about your relationship. But since you don't have kids then I would focus on other things. Like after work or whatever go out and have fun with your "girlfriends". Have one night a week all for you. You are needing something right now and it "feels" like you want to have an affair, BUt YO DON't. You just need something fresh...Try a new haircut or new shoes....take a vacation with your husband..etc...just DON:T cheat....it will bite you harder then you think.....
2006-08-01 01:13:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well they say two wrongs dont make a right BUT i can see why you would want to cheat. you basically have 3 options.
get a divorce and part ways
cheat and go on with your marriage and live happily ever after
dont cheat and forever have the urge to cheat which in turn you will be cheating yourself
i suggest you separate for some time so you can get your head together and during that time should you hook up with someone it wont be as frowned upon but make sure its just sex. the last thing you need is to be emotionally attached to someone else
2006-08-01 00:52:50 · answer #7 · answered by HUSTLER 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many of us here are going to say a bunch of things, to do, or not to do.
But the only one that counts here is, you. Only you can make that decision, it seems that, you only want to have a fling, to get even.
You really, did not forgave your husband, for cheating on you.
So that means that thing are only going to get worse. It may be time to start a new life.
Cause deep inside of you.
You are still hurting, you are see you husband in a different light.And that light might just be too dim, to continue with him.
Get help, Good luck, if you do, have a fling, make sure he is safe, and clean. Don't bring extras, with you.
2006-08-01 01:28:55 · answer #8 · answered by meatball288001 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been in your position, and cheating don't help. If you fall in love and find someone you believe in besides your husband, I would leave without hesitation.
I always wished I could fall in love with someone else besides my cheater.
Keep this in mind, once a cheater, always a cheater. If he did it once, he will do it again. Is the heartache worth it? Feel the pain and ask yourself that question. Wouldn't you just rather leave him and stop hurting eventually, or go through the questions about his affair over and over and over. Its like it never leaves. Being cheated on makes you untrusting and question every minute they are gone and every thing they do. I remember it so well.
2006-08-01 00:59:34 · answer #9 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide why you are doing this, if it's for revenge it won't work it will be a bad experience and you won't get any satisfaction out of it. If you want to do it to fill a void that is your life you may be able to find someone that can do this for you but it's a very slippery slope. You may end your marriage for a few reasons, one he finds out and won't forgive you, two you fall for this guy and don't want your husband anymore, thee you get so confused that the marriage seems like a farce. A fling can be healthy and enjoyable but you need to look deep into why you are doing it first.
2006-08-01 00:51:08 · answer #10 · answered by Jim C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Didn't actually forgive him then did you?
You don't sound like you have much of a marriage & really shouldn't have got back with him - time to sit down, have a chat and go your seperate ways I think. Or you could just carry on through life being miserable - plenty of people do!
2006-08-01 00:50:35 · answer #11 · answered by Stuart D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋