Mother in Law issue PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!?

Question

I feel bad about this so please give me some suggestions on what you think. I just got married 10 months ago. For Christmas my Mother in law and father in law gave me this fancy Waterford crystal glass. They were so excited to give it to me. Then just yesterday they gave me another one for my birthday. I hate crystal. My mother never liked it, my sisters don't like it and I think it looks really tacky. I'm more of a crate and barrel kind of girl. I know this sounds really selfish though. But I hate that they spend all this money on things that I really don't like at all. In fact I could honestly say that I HATE crystal. And I will never display it in my home. So now every year I am going to have to pretend that I love that expensive crystal? What should I do? What is the right and polite thing to do?

One more thing, I can not just tell them that I hate that stuff. I do not want to hurt their feelings. Please only serious answers

Already told my husband, and he likes crystal! What kind of guy likes that stuff? He is excited about getting it and looks at me like I should feel the same way.

The thing is that I am an interior designer, I would never display that in my home. I feel like I am being forced to decorate my house the way that she wants.

I would rather not get anything from them, then have them waste their money on things. I am not a selfish person just honest and hard working and I know that they are also, so it is not fair to them to waste so much money.

Answer 1

Grin and bear it! My mother in law did the same thing to me except with China. I hate China. I like Correlle. I have a whole cupboard filled with China that I never used and probably will never use. I explained to my mother- in-law that while I appreciated the thought, I would rather have something that was more practical for everyday use. She got mad and told me that I needed China for a special occasion and that I should just appreciate it and keep it. Well, since then she doesn't really speak to me and I have been married for 26 yrs to her son. So if you don't want any mother in law problems grin and bear it. She probably thinks that is what you should have in your house. Good luck. I hope this is the only problem you ever have with them. I should be so lucky.

Answer 2

Be gracious and thank them. Some day when you are older you may actually thank them sincerely. Right now your taste is a younger, more economical style but most of the things you own now will not be something you will end up passing down to your children when you go. Waterford crystal never loses it's value but anything you buy from Pottery Barn, Crate 'n Barrel, etc. loses its value as soon as it leaves their store. Your mother-in-law also knows her son loves the crystal. Why shouldn't he have something in his house that he loves, besides you?

I am also an interior designer. Any interior designer "worth her salt" can make anything work in an environment. Having one single style in your home can get boring and outdated pretty quickly. What's trendy today will not be trendy in 5 years. A Waterford glass can make a beautiful vase for flowers, or just a single stem if it's a small glass. Come on, get your creative juices flowing and think of an appropriate way to display this gift. I'm sure your husband will appreciate it.

If you really can't think of a way to display the crystal put it away for safe-keeping and continue doing that each time you get a new piece. If anyone asks why you are putting it away tell them you are keeping it safe until you have a complete, full set to use, and that it will be used only for special occasions (like Christmas dinner).

Answer 3

They probably have no idea that you dislike the crystal - right?
Do they have a daughter or another daughter-in-law?

Oh boy, this is a zinger, first of all you have to be honest about the fact you don't like crystal, or else you are gonna keep getting it and she is (evidently) gonna want to see you use it and display her precious crystal. Yeah it is precious to her, and I dunno if she is gonna understand that someone in this world doesn't think that it is the most awesome gift ever.

Your a more crate and barrel kind of girl - that is cute - I like that, she may also be trying to refine your taste(not saying anything is wrong with your taste), mothers just want their son's to marry in the likeness of themselves, maybe she is trying to mold you more into her image.

No, you don't sound selfish, it is your home and you are allowed to decorate it any way you want - that if your privilege.

You could lay hints, like purchase her a gift that suits your taste, or never display her gifts, or verbaly drop hints, all which can be twisted in someone's mind and turned into a ugly monster.

The best and most direct method is to let her know face to face that she is barking up the wrong tree. Gather together some magazines with your taste abounding through the pages and sit down with her and show her the direction you are wanting to go with your home being decorated. She can either accept your honesty or she can pout, but either way you won't be getting any more crystal.

My question earlier about other females in the family, offer to give the crystal to them-with the mother's permission of course.

Now when you get ready to do this (talk), go a little over board and let her know how much she means to you and how much you love her son. Share a few plans that your husband and you have, it will make her feel better about what you are telling her about the crystal.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

Does your husband have a sister? Are you close with her? If so you may have a way out of this. Next time you're with your sister-in-law try to bring up the crystal thing and tell her how much you appreciate the gifts but that you really don't enjoy crystal that much. Be NICE about it. I guarantee you'll never get crystal again. As long as your SIL likes you and respects you, she will always be honest with her parents and let them down gently about you and the crystal.

If there's no SIL, then I would tell your husband to have a nice little talk with them before the next gift-giving holiday. He could say something as simple as, "What were you going to get [your name] for Christmas this year? Oh, crystal? Well, she could really use a new bathrobe. I know you like giving her crystal but I think she would like something she could get a lot of use out of better." If they're smart people they'll get the hint.

Good luck and I've been there!

eta: I don't think your MIL is trying to control your life or anything like that. She probably doesn't know you that well, right? She probably loves crystal and is hoping that you'll love it too because she wants to have something in common with you. Also if your husband likes crystal maybe she knows that and she wants you to have things in your house that he enjoys.

Answer 5

anything you do or say to the in-laws will hurt their feelings!! sorry but that is how life is with these people. I am talking from experience!!

If your husband would tell them anything about the fact that you don't like crystal, you would still be to blame! I know myself! Been there!! They would say you are trying to turn your husband on your thumb and that you told him to speak to them so you turn him against them!!!

If I were in your place, again, because I have been there already, I would just accept the gift... thank them with big hugs and wide smiles and as soon as they leave put the crystal somewhere safe in the dark.

You can always get it out when you invite them and if they turn up unexpectedly and they ask you about it your answer should be that you do not display such expensive, wonderful gifts every day! You display them for special occasions!

Answer 6

Put the crystal away for your future children and "pass it on". Then, go shopping with the mother-in-law and just happen to point out what you DO like..."oh my, look at that! I just love it! Now this would be a wonder birthday gift for some lucky girl".

Sometimes, it's not worth the effort to be offended by something the inlaws give to you, and you should choose your disagreements carefully. Just express your gratitude and put a piece of it out occasionally when they are coming over to let them know you "treasure" their gift. When they leave, put it back in the buffet. This is not something to get your panties in a wad over. Save it for the big stuff that will surely come your way and be grateful that they love you so much that they want you to have the "best"! Good Luck.

Answer 7

Yeah you need HELP all right.......You are one selfish self-centered beotch!......You forget....you are not the only 1 in the equation of your marriage. You husband like crystal....so he should have the right to like it. So you're a Crate/Barrel tacky interior designer...LIKE SO WHAT!!!! Appreciate the fact that your inlaws even care enough about you to present you with an expensive gift at all...

So your mother, sister don't like it....what does that have to do with you.....

I would display the gifts given proudly in a nice curio cabinetry or something else that would save these precious items. One day you'll have children and hopefully they'll see the beauty of things that are outside your point of beauty. Hopefully they won't be a SHALLOW selfish person like you are!

Answer 8

Be thankful.
I know you dont like the crystal but how about still placing it in a place of honor. A display of sorts that stays as a reminder to you of how lucky you are that your inlaws care about you. Maybe in time they will see that you dont particularly care for crystal or maybe you can tell them..but still..I think you should count your blessings that they care enough to give you such an expensive gift.

All most of us get from our inlaws is a hard time!

Answer 9

Gee, what a horrible problem. In-laws that love you enough to buy you expensive crystal!! I guess you can be honest with them (that's a concept). They may be hurt but I'm sure it will put an end to the crystal problem. Of course you may get socks for Christmas from then on.

Answer 10

1. yes ur being selfish.. u should be greatful that they give u anything.. let alone something so expensive..and obviously they dont know you very well so they are just guessing at what u would probably like..

2. You should have ur husband speak with his mother, and just politely explain to her that although u appreciate the gifts, that crystal just isnt your thing..