I am bored with my hubby?

Question

Hi
I hate so manythings that my hubby does/doesnt do to the extent that I believe he does not love me at all. I hate it that he does not hold hands, kiss, complement, apologise, not even having sex. We rarely have sex. In a year, we may do it thrice and that is it. This drives me crazy. I have talked to him about it but he says who can believe me? Afterall we have three kids. To make matters worse, our home is always full of his relatives/family. Any complaint on this is interpreted negatively. We never have any meaningful conversation. When I start talking about anything he interrupts me with rude comments, making me to stop commenting about anything. I dont feel any love from him. I still want my man/marriage. I believe in love? What can I do?

Answer 1

I know you are kinda devastated, depressed or something close to it! Life is all about risks, it's a good thing you have the title "MRS", a lot of ladies out there would wish there were in your shoes even if was for a day just to answer that title!
Life isn't a bed of roses and so is marraige, why don't you try to indulge yourself in extra-curricular activities like out-door games, gardening, walking with your kids, hanging out with your kids and some more, anything to get the stress of your mind..................
Some men like it when women complain and it makes them feel like I got her there and its good to know she is hurt and she desperatley wants it but won't get it. You deserve to be happy, act like you don't care for a couple of weeks make him feel like you are just satisfied with him as your companion, If you are extremely happy I bet you jealousy will eat him up, he'll want to know why and how you changed, just make yourself and your kids happy, they need you and their dad, don't make matters worse, my mum used to always tell her kids "you are lucky your dad is still alive, half a father is better than none and likewise herself, she was grateful coz half a husband is still better than none for security reasons and all!
Mind you I'm not married, I'm 22 but I know everyday in life is a passing phase and it's yesterday is history! Move on and have a great life. Do it for you and your kids.

Answer 2

If getting out of your marriage IS an option then I would suggest a separation with some counseling for you. It seems to me that anyone who would accept or tolerate being treated this way by anyone, least of all the one they are suppose to feel safest with, has some deep seeded security and self worth issues. You deserve better than to be treated in this manner. After some counseling, re-evaluate your situation. The other question I would have to ask is do you want you children growing up thinking this is an example of a normal, happy relationship.
If leaving your marriage is not an option then get a life of your own. Your own friends, activities, etc. If he chooses to be a part of that then great, if not, you have not spent your time trying to "win him over" and have actually created some self fulfillment for yourself. As far as sex is concerned there are plenty of adult noveltie stores on almost every corner and although not nearly as good as the real thing, will definitely take care of your immediate need. I wish you much luck.

Answer 3

Try to learn the reasons for his indifference. If you really want to save your marriage, you need to take the trouble of finding it out and acting on it. May be, he is the kind that expects the woman to take initiative. May be you need to express your love and affection a little more and he will respond. There must be some reason why he feels he can not believe you. Make sure that you don't show your irritation in your dealings. Respect his feelings, listen to his opinions and suggestions. Make your comments only when asked for. Try this for a while, and see if there is any difference. Hope that things will change for the better for you. Wishing you the best!

Answer 4

I think. you have to seek the help of a marriage counsellor in tis matter. But before all that ,It would be worthwhile if you can convince him to take off for a holiday trip for a some where far off for few days and make sure that both of you enjoy the life away from home.
It is always better to talk out these issues away from home ,when both of you are in a relaxed mood,with out attaching any emotions to them. Also try to know what his priorities in life are? and whetehr he is confronting any problem in his job etc? Stress and anxiety sometimes cause these kind of issues in a marital relationship.
Tell him that you are looking out for a " new life with him" complimeneting him as a right partner to achive great things in life. If agrees with you you , be smart enough to show that you care for him and make a good partner to him rediscovering finer aspects of life.
Wishing you All the best !!

Answer 5

Get control of your life again.. stop enabling him to let u feel this way.. if he loves u then no matter what u do at this point to try and change him good or bad, he'll still love u, so start taking the power away from him, stop letting him control our emotions.. find ways to make yourself happy.. and also start putting him in check..even if it means having to give him a reality check by packing your kids up and leaving for awhile.. if he really loves you, he'll be willing to do what it takes to get u back.. if he doesnt come after u, well then u have your answer and its time to move on.. more then likely he has been spoiled by you and he gets some kind of ego trip from you constantly being on the begging end of this relationship.. time to get control of your life again and find ways to be happy again with or with out him..

Answer 6

Would he be open to counseling? If not, then it still might help you to speak with somebody. Then, you could tell the counselor everything and work out whether it makes sense to stay in this unhappy situation or try to move on.

I guess there must have been something you loved about him at one point in order to marry him!! Can you think back to when you first met, and maybe talk to him about those times? Maybe he isn't really the person you fell in love with anymore and you do need to leave him in order to be happy.

Also, how is this affecting your children? If they see him treating you poorly, it's not a good thing.

Answer 7

I would stay with him only on the condition that he goes to conseling with you. Do you belong to a church? Maybe the priest or pastor can give you free counseling. You both really need it. It sounds like he has lost sight of his priorities (you). And somehow he needs to wake up and realize it. Your home is not his relatives home. So you have a choice in weither or not they come over. Start being rude to them or let them know that they are not welcome when you don't want them around. ( I had to do that after asking did not work). Get busy with your husband, hire a babysiter and plan some dates with just the two of you. If he has a problem being alone with you then I would seperate, he has major issues.

Answer 8

I had a very good friend who went through the same thing. She was a very happy person to begin with, but after 3 !/2 years, she shut down and hardly would even talk. Even her 3 year old daughter would not talk. She finally divorced him, and 7 months later, the daughter started talking, and now won't shut up : )

Answer 9

Wow, I'm in the exact same predicament, only in reverse. You have to ask yourself what price you want to pay for your own happiness. Right now I have opted to stay, but I'm as miserable as you are. It's tough being a hopeless romantic with no one to share it with. Dear Abby had a timeless question: "Ask yourself, would you be better off with him or without him?" Good luck.

Answer 10

Try talking to a marriage counselor. If your hubby won't go - and I predict he won't - then go alone and get advice on how to deal with the problems you are facing.
If you continue as you are, living with unresolved issued, it will be very hard to save the marriage.