My 15-yr-old daughter sometimes sneaks out to see her boyfriend.?

Question

I have already spoken to her about this. I am pretty sure they are having sex, but are using protection. I am reasonable about allowing them to see each other, and am disappointed that when I've told her he can't come over (since they've already seen each other what I feel is enough for a few days), she'll disobey and either sneak out or sneak him in. In most other areas, I do trust her. I need help! Please, no remarks about hitting her or anything! I She is extremely stubborn, and they both feel this is "the" relationship (a lasting one, in other words). I really like him, and in fact when he pretty much had nowhere else to live a few months ago, he stayed here often (slept on the couch). Now, I feel they are both betraying my good nature and trust by doing this.

Answer 1

well from exprience I was the same way my mother let my boyfriend move in when he was 15 and I was 16 and that was 15 years ago and we have 2 children. My life totally changed when my mother was open about my relationship with him so my advice is she is that they are already having safe sex and you know it maybe it would be best insread of her sneaking out let him stay over and maybe she is serious about a long term relationship with him maybe the disobiedience will stop once you and her and him sit down and have a long talk since you do like the boy. Just let them know your terms and what you expect out of them. Your daughter has already made a decision and you know as well as I do once that happens there no turning back.Maybe she has already grown up eventhough she is 15 and made her choice. so try and understand she is in love and just wants to be with him we all at one point were in love and couldnt stand to be away from one another.

Answer 2

That's tough... I remember being 16 and having a first boyfriend. I was a pro at sneaking out and telling my parents I was 'staying the night at a friends house'. She is most definitely probably having sex. Just make sure she is as informed about protection as you are hoping she is.

I think the fact that you allowed him to stay at your house ('on the couch') was part of the problem. What happened while you slept? Hmmm? You don't know. Now they ARE continuing to stretch the boundries because they obviously feel like it's not too difficult to do and the punishment wouldn't be severe enough to deter them. In other words... you've proven you're a softie.

I would sit them BOTH down together and explain the rules. Don't act like you're in the dark. Tell them that you expect them to respect your boundries and rules and that there will be consequences for crossing them. And you must follow through.

When it comes to kids this age you have to realize that they're sneakier than you would like to believe and also think they know EVERYTHING. Remember? I do. Open and honest communication is important. Make something forbidden and it becomes all the more appealing. talk openly about your concerns and make them feel as uncomfortable as they're making you feel. Lay down the rules. A time she HAS to be home. Checking in regularly. If she's late... she's grounded. If you find out she's not where she's supposed to be she's grounded. PERIOD.

You're the parent. If you're soft they'll walk all over you. Of course hitting is ridiculous. But boundries and establishing trust are important. Explain responsibility and make your points clear in no uncertain terms. And no more overnights... period. Where are HIS parents? Don't allow yourself to get suckered into that situation again!

Answer 3

First I myself was and still am stubborn and have been where you daughter is except the whole sleeping with the boyfriend part(Im not being judgemental).Here is how you need to deal with this by telling here she can't see him cuz she saw him just a little bit ago you are sayoing that you don't care that she loves him or cares about him,she is not going to look at that the fact that you let him sleep on your couch and their is really no use in bringing that up cuz she is a teen and won't care till she is older.First don't assume they are using protection or sleeping together,ask her this in a non-offensive non-prying way,something like i have a question are you and whats his name(use his name though) using protection cuz you may come to find out that they arent and are just making out.But I do agree with the fact of reigning her in a little no sneaking out first thing.Try this why not allow her to see him anytime she wants as long as she ask permission but ever other time or every two times must bring him inside for their date like to watching a movvie or before ever other or evry two dates he must come inside for a short family dinner.Whatever you do never forbide her to see him cuz then you will have problems stubborn girls tend to do the exact opposite of what they are told to do

Answer 4

I can answer this question as I liked an older guy and would often do the same. When my parents told me know, I felt they were being so unfair and that hey didn't understand at all, and I can bet your beautiful daughter probably feels the same. I think you should talk to her and tell her why you think she shouldn't see him so much - I reccomend you talk about school and housework commitments etc rather than the fact she doesn't love him as this will only aggravate her. Perhaps invite him over for tea once a week, or on family shopping trips etc. This will serve the double purpose of giving her oppurtunities to see him in a supervised enviroment, and you getting to know him yourself. Tell her you trust her implicitly, and SHOW her this by letting them spend some time alone and giving her more responsibilitites. I hope this helps you, good luck.

Answer 5

This is going the most important relationship in her life right now. More important than you, her dad or any of her girlfriends. Think back til you were that age. Winning the battle doesnt really matter if you lose the war. Just give in to her on this. I know that its not what you want to hear but as long as she is at home with you and he is there you know where they are and what they are up to - sort of. She is already disobeying you and sneaking out and this is not what is best for her. He might not be neither but just give in and let him come around and that other stuff will stop. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer so to speak. Things will get alot worse before they get better if you just keep fighting. Don't let that wall of communication crumble. Putting up with one more kid is better than not knowing where yours is and all the stress of arguing about it is gone. As adults we know this is not going to last forever but she doesn't. She has to learn on her own. Giving her that space and helping her learn on her own now will probably help her from making the same bad decisions with her next boyfriend. She will get it if you let her learn on her own. Being there for her is never a bad thing even if it is not always the way you want things to be. She is always better off at home with him than taking off to who nows where. I just went through this. I have a 28, 20,21 yr old. The last a daughter. Seems like my house was drop in centre for years. Did not always approve of who was here but I always new where my little girl was. Raising teens is more bending and tounge biting than I would of liked but my kids all turned out good. I new all thier friends and I always knew where they were. In the basement..........and that is a good thing !

Answer 6

Try not to push them apart, cos the more you push them apart, the closer they will get and the more chances she will rebel. I think you should let her know that sneaking around isn't right and then ignore her for about a week. make more allowances for her boyfriend to come over, that way they are supervised. When i was a teenager my mom would not allow my boyfriend and i be alone in my room together with the doors closed, i think you should try that. also let her know that if she feels she is mature enough to have sex, then she should act matured and stop sneaking around. educate her on sex too as you would not want her to get pregnant or worst of all get an STD

Answer 7

Im 16. and im dating the same guy for over 7 months. At first my mother didnt like him comming around because we would hang out at school until late at nite when i came home to get ready for bed for school the next day. We were like that and still are. Me and my mom are 110% open with eachother. we tell eachother everything. But, when i had sex with him for the first time (we were both virgins) we hid it from our parents for a month. then we talked with my mom and told her (it was very hard not to say anything but it was also harder to find a way to say it) then we told his mom. Now we sleep at eachothers house in the same room. And both parents understand how much we are in love and that they could nvr change anything between us. they knew that we would see eachother anyways. We had a little struggle at first but then we got through it together. So talk to her about it. Let him go over a little more. Get to know him and learn what hes really like. If you think you can trust him i would try him in the bedroom with the door open. they cant do much that way. and then things will definatly ease up on you when you realize how responsable your daughter is. Shes 15 and having sex WITH protection. shes not 12 and already having a kid. I would be proud. Sit her and her bf down tell them about it.* it embarrassing but she will thank you in the end* and if your relationship is anything like my mom and I things will be rough at the begining and then be good again. We argued a little and now closer than ever. Trust me. Once she knows you trust her. she will come out and tell you things. Try asking her about it. My mom does. and when were done talking i feel alot better.. Hope this helps.. but this is exactily what happend to me and my bf. and Things couldnt be better between anyone...

Answer 8

In my opinion it's really time to put your foot down! It seems as though the two are taking your kindness for weakness and if this continues who knows what will happen? (pregnant,missing anything you basically don't want to happen) So it's time for you to either let her be grown since that seems to be what she wants so bad and let her learn the hard that is best to be young and she should enjoy it while she still can, or show her (them) know you really mean business and no means no! In doing this you don't necessarily need to use your hand or anything else of that nature, but just make your voice forceful enough for them to understand that your are not playing games! In most cases this breaks teens down! Make her wish that she'd never disobeyed you and your rules and she never do it again! Show them that there are consequences and what the consequences are!

Answer 9

I know this might seem a bit 'unreasonable' in your eyes, just cause you're a mother... But why not just give her a chance... Don't make it where she has to sneak out to see him... Try not to make it where she feels she has to get away from you just to do what she wants, whether bad or good (hopefully nothing too illeagal)... But kinda just let her know that you would prefer if he didn't come around for awhile, and maybe even tell him that... Try something like a certain amount of days a week she can go out with him or something like that... And think about what you would be doing in this day and age when you were her age... (And no, I'm not trying to be rude)

Answer 10

As a female who just a few years ago was a teenager, I have a few suggestions.

You need to talk to her and him together. When a mom talks to the young son. You know he will listen up if he really cares about having a relationship with her. (I am assuming he is under the age of 18. I hope so. If not, I do not recommend this to continue til she is at age. Bad enough she is 15 and having sex risking pregnancy etc).

Discuss that while she is under your roof. She is to respect you as you will respect her. If she wants to have sex and have that "relationship" fine. If she is mature enough, then she should be mature enough to get a job, have good grades, and support her living there.

She thinks she is an adult, then she will be treated as an adult. My mom didn't raise no fool since she was not a fool herself.

I never snuck out. However, I did lie to where I was going a few times. I wasn't having sex, drugs or anything. I just wanted to hang with my boyfriend at the time down the street (his dad supervised and very strict). I realized it was wrong and I needed to not do anything to loose trust. My mom is a very stubburn and very fire'y women. The thing is, I am the same. So, we butted heads on agreement on a lot of things.

If she continue's to sneak out. I would install alarms and cams. I highly doubt she wants an alarm to go off nor being watched on cam of having sex. I know a lot of parents do that and even Dr. Phil applauded it. (even if you don't like Dr.Phil).

I would have her on birth control and get her into some youth parenting class's. If she wants to get knocked up, then she is going to have to deal with consequences.

I also agree with you on hitting. Never hit or spank your child. (I am against spanking, especially at this age). She will move away, not closer to you.

She is young and in "love". That is fine and dandy. However, she still needs to know she is under your roof and this behavior is not acceptable.

Even family counseling can also help.

Educate her and let her know there should be limits. yes, this is her life and body. however, she is still under your roof, still under your responsibility and she is still young. If she objects, then you have to put your foot down and what you say is what goes. Until she is 18 and on her own, that is how it will be.

Then explain when she has a 15 year old daughter of her own, then she is allowed to make the rules. Until then, this is your home and your rules.

I know it seems harsh. But when got a determined daughter, you can't give "choices" other than choices that are "what going to do when pregnant? What going to do if you two break up after all this?" stuff that she has to make her own mistakes.

Hardest thing about being a parent my mom says is watching their children make mistakes and wrong choices while standing back allowing them.

Have to learn you won't be there forever and won't always bail them out when in trouble. Sometimes they have to fall hard on their bottom to learn how to pick themselves back up.