I am so shy!!!! this is horrible i know. please don't say it again!! i did it enough!!! but he seems to really be in love with me! he even spoke to his mother. and she will come to meet me just in one month!!! i am so scare!! her mother knows my age, and agree with our relation! he is very mature! but i am 18 yrs older than him!!! he is so charmy and care about me. We had never had sex, and he knows we won't, just for fun. We had been dating now for 6 months. He says he will never cross the line at least i allowe him. He really seems to be in love..(and me too) but i am so affraid. What should i do. please help me!!!
2006-07-31 20:06:05 · 15 answers · asked by Ritamorales. 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
AGE DOESN'T MATTER. What matters is the maturity and understanding between both of you. Since you don't get opposition from either your side then why not take the plunge and see what happens.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
2006-07-31 20:11:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not a minor so it is not that bad. You are taking your time and not jumping in the sac so it again is not that bad. You are meeting his mother before sex, so not that bad again. While I do not approve of huge age spreads men do it all the time. I would look at it this way. Do you have a great deal in common in other ways to overcome the age difference? I think that is the only way to make this work. I think you must have so many interests in common to make this work. I really think it is more logical if you are with a younger man because your life span will match more. It is not that bad. He is not a minor. Make sure you have a great deal in common. Perhaps some pre-relationship counselling. I knew some people who did this because the were both recovering alcoholics and came from bad families. They felt they had things against them and wanted a good start. A sort of preventative counselling for their marriage. They said the counsellor cried because she thought it was so beautiful. After several years of marriage and 2 children they are well.
Keep taking you time and develop a good non-sexual relationship with him. Stop worrying so much and give yourself some time for fun. Go to some concerts, museums or whatever you love. Just allow yourself to build some memories not so much worry. Go slow, but have some good times. It is okay you may get a relationship build on a strong friendship or a strong friendhsip. Either way you are going to come out ahead. It is okay you are not a criminal.
2006-08-01 03:17:52 · answer #2 · answered by adobeprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To get your question answered right, you may have to explain what yo uare nervous about. Is it about his mom coming? If she agrees or says its okay, she's on your side. If you've been dating the guy, you must like him and feel comfortable with him, so that can't be it.
If I were you, I would be more paranoid than nervous or shy! What is it this 18 yr old wants from you.? Is it money? Is it to brag to his friends? Is it to marry then divorce and get money? Maybe he picked up on your shyness and will change into a controlling guy after you get married, some men do change.
You seem to feel you are on trial when the mother visits. I say you turn it around in your mind and try to use that time to figure out what she is getting out of it. It is very unusual for a mother to condone a marriage of an 18 yr old. You might be the victim of something (maybe not too) but I would REALLY wonder!
I am 41. There is no 18 year old that is mature as you. He is lucky you even look at him!! By the way, 6 months is not enough ttime to know someone enough to marry. Also an 18 year old will cheat on you rwith younger women eventually. It will not be personal, just the way BOYS are. Chances are you wil get married, pregnant then he will leave within 1-2 years. If he saw this OF COURSE he'd say I am a jerk, idiot and all that, but I believe it. I suggest YOU try to realize that you might have an esteem issue here. Maybe you don't think you'll get a guy your age so you (like ANYONE) are vunerable to him saying he loves or cares about you.
NO, I don't think this is love, and if it is, it is not good for you. You should be in an awareness that you should not sell yourself short. I have not been married. I tell myself that therer is a woman out there who will appreciate me the way I want. In doing this, I am respecting myself. I have cut off dates with 2 women that I thought disrespected me. You should try to be like that too. YOU are NOT the lucky one. He should have to prove himself good enough for YOU! I don't thing you believe in your value, worth or you would probably see him as a KID, not a mature kid. LISTEN to what he says, and really think about if they soulnd like "lines" you'd tell someone if you're a smooth talking guy.
I am glad you didn't give him sex, that IS self-respecting.
All I am saying, is be careful, protect your right to be treated well, your right to get a TRULY mature MAN, and make a pre-nup. This whole thing sounds like he is upto something. good luck.
2006-08-01 03:28:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the majority of cases of large age disparity a couple will run into many more issues then people closer in their age group. This generation gap can hinder your relationship. Your boyfriend may be emotionally immature. Has he had many relationships? Is this the first time dating someone so much older then him? These are questions to ask yourself. In most cases of a male dating an older female, it is a result of him not having much dating experience. He probably quickly fell in love and the relationship can just as quickly end. I would say, give it more time, move slowly, and see where it goes. Just because you will have more obstacles does not mean it is impossible.
I hope your relationship moves in a direction that is healthy for you both.
2006-08-01 03:20:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Age is just a number. Its what you feel about yourself and him that is important. At 40 years of age, you are mature enough to know what is right and what iswrong for you. And at 23, he is also mature and has enough brains to know what he is doing. I wish you the best and loads of success in this relation.
2006-08-01 03:20:26 · answer #5 · answered by Sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wouldn't worry about it Hun..love is love and age is nothing but a number, just so long as its not illegal...which in this case its not. so be in love! you should be happy and relax a bit. neither of you are doing anything wrong and the hell with what anybody else would think! my husband is 8yrs older then me...and think about really hard does a age difference really matter? NO! enjoy each other...have a nice day!
2006-08-01 03:16:29 · answer #6 · answered by kyras_mommy121205 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you both are grown adults...why would you be afraid? you cant go to jail for loving him cuz hes of age.
if i was you..i wouldn't worry about it for one sec. the only time age is a question in a relationship and thats if someone is underage and the other person is an adult.......other than that....who cares
and its not like you dint already know this....so love him all you want and let him love you...dint hold back and don't make him hold back either...because if you do...he might get bored and find his self a new g/f..........good luck
2006-08-01 03:15:05 · answer #7 · answered by Who cares 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm involved with a man who is 50 and i'm 30. and i think if he makes you happy, and you love him as well, then you should really try and work at the relationship. at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks. its you and him that have to devote yourselfs to working at what could be your chance at happiness.
and it sounds like he is happy. if he is willing to let you meet his mother and she is willing to meet the woman that makes her son happy, then go for it.
allow your heart to fall and follow it and it should take you where you belong.
2006-08-01 03:14:15 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you lost your mind? What the heck does a 23 year old teenager have to offer a 40 year old woman? This must be your midlife crisis.
2006-08-01 03:11:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good to be afraid and unsure. That's what makes romance. Just be careful to make sure he isn't looking for another mother.
2006-08-01 03:10:40 · answer #10 · answered by Big Daddy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋