My husband is currently making less money working for a family member than at the job he quit to work with this particular family member. He barely makes enough to pay the rent. I on the other hand am currently staying at home raising three children. I homeschool one, due to a disability and the other two are not in school yet. My husband wants me to work graveyard shifts. I worked previously, but at that time we decided it wasn't worth it since my entire check was going towards childcare. I suggested he could simply get a different job (he's had offers) that pay better and give benefits. He just doesn't 'want' to. I don't know what to do. I don't kow if I am perceiving things in the wrong way or not. Is my husband not taking his responsibility seriously in supporting his family or am I slacking?
2006-07-31 20:00:40 · 11 answers · asked by Lynn 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No you aren't slacking in my opinion but he certainly is. Who is going to watch the kids while you sleep if you work nightshift? Someone has to, then there is the child you homeschool, who is taking over that job? Your husband is being selfish and childish, when you are a husband and father, and if you are any kind of a man you do what it takes to support your family. Tell him to work the nightshift if he refuses to leave his low paying job. What are his reasons for working for the family instead of something he can make actual money at? What is he getting out of it? Make a list of practical issues that would be created by you working nights, I assume he cares for the kids then, but as I said who cares for them while you sleep during the day, or are you expected to just give up sleeping? Who takes over your teaching job? Present him with the issues and ask him what his solutions are. Good luck to you, this is a tough situation. You may also want to point out that if you have to work AND homeschool a child AND find a way to care for two others what exactly do you need him for? He's making it so that all you have to lose by leaving is the headaches he's causing you, many men make this mistake and then can't figure out what went wrong.
2006-07-31 20:38:51 · answer #1 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You aren't lacking. Taking care of kids and having to homeschool one is a million jobs in one. Try and make him understand how much you go through everyday. You would be pushing it if you had to work. You would be too stressed out, even more than you already are. Get him to do every single thing you do in a typical day. He probably doesn't even realize how hard it is. Most guys think it is natural for women to know how to do everything and be Super Mommy. No matter how many kids you have or how much experience you have, you are constantly learning when it comes to kids. As soon as he can realize where he would be without you I think things will change. There are plenty of men out there that support their wife and kids. There are good paying jobs for everyone even with no experience. It's not like all of sudden bills and kids came into the picture, he should have already had a steady job by now.
2006-07-31 20:17:47 · answer #2 · answered by Ashley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For some reason, he seems very attached to his job. It could be that he he really loves working with the relative, really loves the work, or he really thinks the move will pay off in the future. If it's the last 2, perhaps an extra PT job for him and/or home-based work or business for you, can do it -- either to just provide some relief or to keep your family in the money in case his plan doesn't work out.
If it's the 1st, I'm afraid that's a bigger problem. You may need to convince him that he can stay as close friends with the relative even if they are not co-workers anymore.
I just do hope laziness doesn't enter the picture here anywhere. It's possible but he'll simply have to love you and your family more than himself.
2006-07-31 20:39:03 · answer #3 · answered by puppy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have 3 children to take care of, one whom has a disability and requires you to tend to them. You are not slacking. If he has had better job offers and has refused them, then he is to blame not you. He may like his job even if it doesnt pay much but his family, his wife and kids, should come first, not his job. It's not fair of you to have to work the graveyard shift only to come home and school one child and take care of the others at the same time. Your body would eventually wear down to nothing. too stressful. I would really sit him down and discuss this with him. if you already have, then do it again and this time with more meaning, such as mentioning the bills for one and your future together for two.
wish you lots of luck and God bless.
2006-07-31 20:11:59 · answer #4 · answered by Tracey E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to read between the lines here and say that it looks like he thinks you're not contributing enough. Don't get me wrong, I think it would be stupid to make you work nights. Raising 3 kids is tough, plus home schooling? When exactly are you supposed to sleep? He has issues, maybe some underlying anger. You guys need to talk to someone and get this worked out. It's causing too much of a strain.
2006-08-01 01:57:47 · answer #5 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay he has a job he likes instead of a higher paying job. That part is okay but he is hurting his family. Seems what he wants is the only important thing to him.
Why don't you tell him that you decided to find a job but the grave shift is not for you but you really like this day job. Tell him to get a night shift job. When he says no. Ask him why late shift is okay for you but not him. Love to hear his answer.
Anyways. Instead of you working tell him to get a second job part time to pay the bills. This way you wont need to pay for day care.
2006-07-31 20:24:23 · answer #6 · answered by Mit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well life isn't about wants its about responsibilities. If he doesn't want to be responsible, then I wouldn't want to be his wife. Its obvious that with 3 kids one of you need to be at home, because childcare is of course ridiculously high. So if he's not willing to take a decent job, then maybe he needs to stay home with the kids while you work. You can be the a "man", where he obviously refuses to be. When you are homeless, and on govt. assistance with 3 kids would he be willing to step up then?
2006-07-31 20:11:00 · answer #7 · answered by Chrissy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your husband and attempt to explain to him that even though he may be happy working wherever he does; his family and their welfare should be considered before all else.You might add its time to quite playing games and act like a real man and work and properly support his family.
2006-07-31 20:26:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
has he always put you second to his wants and whims? i bet yes but you married him anyways. you need to tell him to be a man and provide for his family as a man should and also consider for your self what kind of man you married because you have seen this in him long before you married him you may have to lie in the bed you made and know you married a man that could put his family second in line to his wants rather then do what he needs to do to provide for his family. remember he may just be doing what he always does and you blinded your self to it till now in which case it may be up to you to deal with him and provide for you kids but consider that your kids need an intact home with a mother and father.
2006-07-31 20:14:35 · answer #9 · answered by 4stringthndr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he needs to look for a better job .
2006-07-31 20:46:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋