we are together now three years, but at the start she had secret contacts with her ex...( i don't know if she had sexua contacts)..i forgave her but never could forget. since then it is hard for me to trust her....and a few days ago i cheated on her....what shall i do?? i love this girl
2006-07-31 19:32:01 · 31 answers · asked by jayjaykilla2003 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if you loved her, then you wouldnt of cheated on her. i know its hard to forgive and forget and trust again when someone has cheated on you, but doesnt mean you have to go out and do the same thing.
you need to be upfront and tell her before she finds out herself and face the conequences, just because you stayed with this girl despite what she did, dont expect her to do the same.
you just have to face the music or it will haunt your relationship forever.
2006-07-31 19:36:45 · answer #1 · answered by vanessaoz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does everyone want to use the word love publicly after they have stepped all over morality, decency, virtue, integrity and decency! Love never held hands with anyone that violated any of the above listed attributes!
If you are still ranting about what you believe she did years ago, then you never forgave her ain't no love in that! Just wait until I can get even Time. And that is what you did!
Do not talk about trust, why should she trust you? You have presented a lie about forgiving, and now you have done what you hold against her.
You cannot throw and egg to the ground then pick the pieces up and put it together again. Had you loved this young lady, you would never even seen other ladies as possible sex objects, let alone to have sexual contact with one.
72 years old, married 27 years, two children in the University.
The only thing I see is how cut my wife's butt is, And I know her size right down to the millimeter!
2006-07-31 19:51:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you should start by NOT listening to anyone advising you to never admit your actions. And don't justify your infidelity with a - "she did it first" mentality.
You need to come clean - find an appropriate and calm environment and let her know what you've done. You owe that to her, don't ya think?
Also, you have put her at risk for STD's and that is unacceptable. You really don't have any right to put another persons health on the line - STD's are serious and some even deadly.
Bottom line: You CHOSE to remain in the relationship after her CONTACT with an ex-boyfriend - that is not a license to cheat! Now, give her opportunity to decide herself whether she can live with your 'betrayal' or walk away from the relationship. It's the adult and honest thing to do in my opinion.
Good luck, and don't do it again!
2006-07-31 20:17:15 · answer #3 · answered by Evangeline 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to say this is very hard. Not knowing you and your situation all i can do is tell you what has happened to me and let you decide. My wife had contact with her ex for years after our marriage, she admitted a few bad choices...none of which involved actual sex, but definitely could be classified as cheating. I on the other hand struggled with on-line "stuff". You end up with a lot of hurt feelings and even more grief...the thing is #1 communication....this is going to be hard to talk about....but you must be able to bear your soul to each other.....#2 as a male you must consider the feelings of your mate...she is going to react strongly (no matter what her fault was) r u willing to work thru the issues and then come up with a positive, realistic solution.
With love you have to risk a lot....but if you are TRULY HONEST things will work out...Love covers a multitude of sins (from the bible.)
sorry to say but you have a tuff time ahead....If she is worth it....don't take any short cuts....be honest, be real, and be willing to change.
2006-07-31 19:46:10 · answer #4 · answered by jedidaddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, if you cheated on her as well, you can't go blamin her anymore for you not being able to trust her..
It doesn't matter how long you'll have been going out for.. If there' no trust, there's definitely no development in the relationship..
You should talk it through, with her... Doesn't matter how much you love a person... If you cheat on that person, there's no trust there anymore.. That's one thing that is unforgiveable... Even if forgiven, nover unforgettable...
It's best to call it quits, and go your own ways...
And who knows, maybe you'll find someone better... & then you both will be true to each other...
Cheers....
2006-07-31 19:51:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would presume that you found out about their secret contacts from somebody else or from her. you say you forgave her but isn't it forgiving somebody is also forgetting her faults? which means you never totally forgave her. with regards to your cheating on her, if i were you, I would never tell her about it. coz, like what happened with her cheating on you, it has become the reason for your fights and all. so be cool, hide it till your last breath. it's not worth telling.
2006-07-31 19:42:31 · answer #6 · answered by issa2169 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously you don't love her. you cheated on her and you don't trust her, since you lost the trust in your relationship you should of thought about it before thinking with your other head. I know might sound cruel by telling you like this but be honest with her know that you made a bigger mistake in your relationship if you honestly love her cause now she might loose the trust and the relationship might be down the drain. Do you think she can trust you again? cause what goes around comes around.
2006-07-31 19:38:33 · answer #7 · answered by Lucia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you cheated on her then your love is not that strong and it probably will not last for long. it won't help you one bit if you tell her so don't. if you needed to get it off our chest you did it. Is the other girl fine Think about why you went out with this girl? Maybe she's your right one. save some money for when your but gets kick out of the house.
2006-07-31 19:45:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing in a relationship is trust, and neither of you have had this with each other, you shouldn't have been in this relationship from the beginning if you didn't trust her. it's easy to say that you had the right to cheat cause she did, but real love is selfless, and you can't possibly love someone and cheat on them.
it hurts to break up with someone and it will take time to heal, but its better to move on and find someone worth giving your trust to.
2006-07-31 19:42:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't use the mistake she made in the past to justify your wrong doings.If you love her then why did you cheat. It is up to you whether you tell her or not. Take into careful consideration what would happen if she finds out on her own.Also the honesty factor.If you want to fool around set her free first.Game playing is not cool!
2006-07-31 19:39:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋