my wife is having an affair....DIVORCE?

Question

Should I get divorced, if I do she will try to take our daughter away from me and move across the country. I dont want to lose my little girl. Any advice?

I have proof of the affair. I have emails they exchanged talking about how they had sex. The reason I am concerned about lossing my daughter is we were married in California, moved to Pennsylvania in April. She is from California so she would want to move back close to all of her family.

Answer 1

I wouldn't pick divorce at first. I think you should definitely confront her as kindly [as could be expected], and discuss it. Divorce might be a good option if children weren't involved, but I think that since you have a daughter you owe it to her to make every effort possible to save the relationship.

Why don't you try some couple's therapy? I know it's often stigmatized on television, but it can really help people in a relationship find out what is causing the problem, and what can be done to fix it.

For now, the most important thing to do is let her know that you are aware of her affair (unless you only suspect it, in which case it could be offensive if you were wrong). From that point you will be able to start solving problems, as well as giving your wife another reason to break the affair off. The longer you are aware of this affair without her knowing it, the more involved she may get with the other person, and the angrier and depressed you may be.

Whatever you do, don't lose confidence in yourself. She broke a sacred promise ("I take this man, forsaking all others") that she made on her wedding day, and you have nothing to be ashamed of for confronting her with this problem. You have remained faithful to her, and deserve the same in return.

Answer 2

You need a lawyer who specializes in this sort of thing. Courts are often reluctant to take custody away from the mother, especially if Dad has not been very present in their lives. If you have been a present (as opposed to absent) parent during this marriage, you have a much better chance of getting custody of your daughter. Even if she moves very far away, you will still have rights to see her. It's not a great situation but do you want to put your daughter through the throws of a very bad marriage. In other words, let's say you and your wife stay together just to raise your daughter, and in the mean time you both go your own ways, having relationships, etc. What are you teaching your daughter? I'm reminded of a song from a famous artist who's name escapes me right now. In his song he is explaining his reasons for wanting a divorce to his wife and sons: "I did it for you and the boys because love should teach you joy and not the imitation that your momma and i have shown you."

Answer 3

Find out from her where her heart is and what she wants. The affair will not matter five to ten years from now and when you are both 80 you will probably just laugh about it. Staying together seems to be the last thing people think about now days but hey, why not take a mature approach? It may be the harder why to do things now but in the long run it could be better. Especially since you have a child.

Answer 4

ok first of all..your wife is not going to take your daughter away from you cause she simply cannot move away from the state let alone the country without your consent...if she does it is called kidnapping (assuming your name is on the birth certificate) . She needs to get your consent in order to move out of State!!!

I do Hope that your married life can be saved!! Cause you don't want to upset your daughter by any means!! But if you cannot have your marriage saved then do what makes you real!! don't lose yourself in this relationship. What I am saying is...there are many, many questions...does your wife or did she tell you exactly what happenned is she being honest with you now? is she sorry?

Just cause someone isn't or IS sorry does she MEAN IT?? it's your relationship with her and you gotta follow your heart!!

Now, if she is denying it all and wont cept or fess up to it then you have a problem with yoru relationship. Not taking her side but maybe she is scared to tell you the exact truth...You never did say how you found OUT!!;.. Not the Point right!?!

But Ultimately if you question is if you are going to leave the Cheating Wife then Don't WORRY....your kid cannot be moved away out of state nor out of the half way across the country just to suit her!!! LIisten to what I say...She needs...an order of permission that you can sign that you ALLOW her to go out of state to take your child away with her.

Remember...DON'T EVER FORGET....this is YOUR CHILD TOO... AND SHE CANNOT LEAVE WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God Bless and Good Luck!!!

Answer 5

This is one that you are going to have to talk to your lawyer about. If you have the proof that your wife is cheating you can bring that up in court and prove to the judge that your wife's behavior is not going to be appropriate in front of your daughter. Who is the money maker? Will you be able to support yourself and your daughter if you do get custody? If your wife does move would you be able to pack up as well and move to where she is moving so that way there is at least shares custody? You should make a list of questions for your lawyer and I am sure that he will give you advice on how to obtain full custody of your daughter....

Answer 6

If you have proof of her having an affair have you talked to her about it? Concidered marriage counceling? It depends on if she stops the affair and convinces you that she will never do it again (and if you can trust her.) No one else can tell you if you should get a divorce, it depends on if the two of you are still in love. If you do get a divorce, I guess you should be looking for a good lawyer?

Answer 7

The cheater always come up with this bull to keep you there. There's not a judge on this planet who would allow your cheating wife custody to leave the country with your child. If you think she would leave without finalizing the divorce agreement then file for temporary custody and explain to the judge what she had threatened to do. But yes I would divorce her but only you can answer that question you might be able to forgive for unfaithfulness I can't.

Answer 8

Find out if she can legally take your daughter out of the state if you get divorced. I live in Florida, and my understanding is that I could keep my ex from moving my kids too far away.

Oh, and I'd get a divorce either way. If you really want to see your daughter, wouldn't you move, too, if you had to? It's a matter of priorities.

But nobody should have to live with a cheating mate.

Answer 9

Try to file divorce before she does. If she takes off to California, and then files, the judge would be more inclined to let her stay there than force her to move. Try to stay on your best behavior, dont bad mouth her to you daughter, and act like an adult. Good Luck & Get an attorney!

Answer 10

First ask yourself why this is happening to you ...are you a good husband ? Do you have an affair also / ever betrayed her ? Do you support her / your daughter financially ? If you're one hell of a good husband & father to them.....you may consider divocing & am sure you wll have the custody of the little gal .

If you're not a good husband & father to them...THEN , You should find a solution. Both of you need to clear thing & put a STOP in all the affairs...and start a fresh....but if she still insist on the divorce.....then both of you need consultation.....Good Luck & have a positive view on the what's happening.............