What's the oldest lawyer joke?

Question

The oldest one I can think of is Shakespear's "first thing we do, lets kill all the lawyers" but I'm sure there are some from before shakespear.

Answer 1

here's a classic...

it was so cold outside the other day that the lawyer had his hands in his OWN pockets.

Answer 2

Actually, if you take that quote in context, it's not really a joke. The speaker is trying to overthrow the government and create chaos. How? "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."

Anyway, I've heard them all--when I announced I wanted to go to law school, my father started collecting them. Here are a few more modern ones:

What's the difference between a dead possum at the side of the road and a dead lawyer? Skid marks in front of the possum.

What do you call a busload of lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A good start.

Answer 3

I think the oldest lawyer joke I can think of is when at a Greek festival a question of who should be given priority in the line arose between a lawyer and a doctor. They refered the matter to Socrates who ruled in favor of the lawyer when he said, "Let the thief go first and the executioner follow." An even older joke is that lawyers have the oldest profession. God created the world from chaos but it was the lawyers who created the chaos.

Answer 4

Actually, "The Wasps" by Aristophanes (422 BC) is more a satire of juries than of lawyer, since there weren't lawyers in the sense that we understand them--cases were tried by jurymen, but they had that same reputation for being corruptable and greedy. But it does indeed take its shots at the people who are using and abusing the system. Here's a speech by one juryman, Philocleon, which sums up their attitude:

"At the outset I will prove to you that there exists no king whose might is greater than ours. Is there a pleasure, a blessing comparable with that of a juryman? Is there a being who lives more in the midst of delights, who is more feared, aged though he be? From the moment I leave my bed, men of power, the most illustrious in the city, await me at the bar of the tribunal; the moment I am seen from the greatest distance, they come forward to offer me a gentle hand-that has pilfered the public funds; they entreat me, bowing right low and with a piteous voice, "Oh, father," they say, "pity me, I adjure you by the profit you were able to make in the public service or in the army, when dealing with the victuals." Why, the man who speaks thus would not know of my existence, had I not let him off on some former occasion..."

Answer 5

try this:
A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge's orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, "Counselor, you should be aware that at this point, what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other."

"Your honor," replied the lawyer, "That goes without saying. What is there to prevent it?"

Answer 6

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an truthful criminal expert and an outdated under the impact of alcohol are walking down the line at the same time while they concurrently spot one hundred greenback bill. Who possibilities it up? The outdated under the impact of alcohol, of direction, the different 3 are figments of the mind's eye.

Answer 7

read "The Wasps" by Aristophanes. It's one big long lawyer joke. Most of his comedies contained some satiric references to the Athenian Justice system in general, and lawyers in particular.

Answer 8

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RE :What's the oldest lawyer joke?
The oldest one I can think of is Shakespear's "first thing we do, lets kill all the lawyers" but I'm sure there are some from before shakespear.
Follow 9 answers

Answer 9

The last words of Socrates "I drank what?" 360 BC.

Answer 10

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