Something bad happened to me Please Help?

Question

Hey well First of I am not gay, bi, curious or anything else like that. I don't know what the hell happened. I was hanging out talking with my fiance's dad got really drunk, and the next morning I woke up naked in bed with him. I know what you're gonna say that how do I know that we actually did anything together. Trust me I know. I wont say how, but I know. I just don't know what to do. We're getting married next month. I know I have to tell her. I also know it's really gonna **** things up. I just don't know how to tell her, or what to do.

Answer 1

Whatever you do, IF YOU LOVE YOUR FIANCEE, DO NOT TELL HER. If you tell her, there is a slim chance that she will either hate her father, or hate you AND her father for the rest of her life. There is a much higher probability that she will not believe you, in which case she will HATE YOU for the rest of your life.

If her dad isn't talking about it, and if you aren't talking about it, let the past stay buried and DO NOT EVER MENTION IT AGAIN... because if you do, your chances of happiness with this woman are slim to none.

If you're traumatized by what happened, then get some counseling and talk it over with your counselor. Above all, don't ever get drunk around your future father-in-law again.

It may seem unreasonable for you to have to carry around a secret like this, but not when there is so much at stake. Do you really want the woman you love to have to carry this? Do you want her to be upset with her father? Do you want her to be upset with you for telling her? Do you want to ruin this relationship you have with her?

Sometimes the most heroic thing we can do is to carry our burdens in silence.

Answer 2

Just relax and remember that you did nothing consiously since you were drunk..
Maybe you would like to tell her as a joke and not in a serious manner..Maybe she will get a lil sad and kind of pissed but dont worry because marriage wont break because of something like that.. She is old enough to know the effects of alcohol and knows very well what people can do when they get drunk.. Tell her: "baby did you ever get sooo drunk that you would even sleep with the closest person? Because i freaking did!" The best way to get away with it is to show her that you feel really bad about it and that it was a terrible mistake but you were just drunk and you didnt know what you were doing..Or maybe you would just like to tell her that you have something serious to talk about with her and just explain everything.. However in my opinion the best way is to say it more like a joke .. you never know how she will react.. Im sure though that your wedding wont be affected..Make sure she knows how much you love her and how sorry you are for doing this even if you were drunk..Dont delay this .. the faster u do it the better it is.. Go now and tell her about it be true and honest.. Your wedding is gonna be just fine .. Ask her to forgive you and promise not to get drunk again unless you are alone with her..Maybe you could go to her and tell her like" baby i will never ever in my life drink alcohol again! It makes you really do crazy things" and explain...
Good luck and dont worry too much.. things happen its gonna be over soon..

Answer 3

Never just come right out and say it. This is a very sensitive subject for most people. If you can swing the discussion in the direction of Homesexual or lesbian people and get her opinion on the matter. Slowly ask if anyone in her family was ever that way. See if she says anything about her father. if she doesn't just explain to her you have a problem and don't know how to handle it and you really need her understaning and help on what to do in this matter. Most women are alot more open and understanding. If she doesn't it is better to find out now instead of spending a couple of years together and it coming out and she leaves then. Now about the father. Prosecute!! That was rape no matter how embarrassing or humiiliating the bastard deserves to be locked up! Stop him before he does this to someone else. Who knows your probably not the first one he's done this to.

Answer 4

This is tough stuff. But don't listen to anyone who says not to tell her. This may hurt your relationship really bad, but if you can't be honest with her then you shouldn't be getting married. I am sorry to hear that this happened to you, but it did. You can't change it. Just make sure you tell her before you get married, and make sure that you DO tell her. If she finds out later...you will have less of a chance of her sticking around, not to mention it will hurt her more to find out another way or from someone else. You don't want to put her through pain like that do you? If I were her I would want to know. I see people saying that maybe this would ruin her and her father's relationship, or yours and hers, but these are the consequences. She NEEDS to know that you are honest. What if her father was testing you or something? And you fail, they could both be in on this...or what if he is just sick? She needs to know for numerous reasons. What if this is much deeper and you were drugged or something? I feel that if you are really in love with her, you would tell her, regardless of what happens. Love is trust...you have to be a good man and stick it out to the end. Talk to her. Tell her that she needs to know that this happened no matter what happens. If this were her, and your mother or father...would you need to know? I think that it is safe to assume you would. Im sorry this happened to you and all, but if you cant stand up and face what outcomes your actions cause...you arent really a man.

Answer 5

I suggest that you tell her that you have something to tell her that you know is going to upset her and that if there was any way that you could spare her the pain that you would and then tell her what happened. She may believer you and she may not. Also, I remember that you are not only marring he but the entire family. Her dad becomes your Father-in-law. How are you going to handle being around him? You can not remove him from the picture. I suggest that you and your girlfriend get counseling before you marry for this is one problem that will have to be worked out before there is a future for the two of you.

Answer 6

Well . . . he certainly has something to hold over your head until the day he dies and then he may keep a journal or leave a note with his will. Sorry for the mess your in. You might as well take a hike now. You can forgive yourself for one mistake but if you allow yourself to be forced into the second mistake you'll not be able to live with your self and neither will your wife to be if she ever finds out. You will never be happy living this secret unless you have no conscious. WOW I thought I had head it all.

Answer 7

Something happened. Big deal. What's important is, how do you truly feel? Did you like the idea of gay sex? I mean really underneath all the macho crap? If you did then yes you had better reexamine whether this marriage is such a hot idea. A divorce in a few years is no fun, costly, and if there are kids involved - never cool. BTW, did he say if you were any good?
Don't suppose you were drugged and raped?

Answer 8

Wow dude! My first reaction was don't tell her. Then being female I was thinking would I want to know, after all a relationship should be based on honesty and trust yadda yadda yadda. So after many minutes of going back and forth between my gut reaction and not going against the "girl code" it came down to this...right or wrong (you decide) Talk with your future father in law and agree to NEVER bring it up "Man Law" and leave it there. Good luck.

Answer 9

First of all, I think you need some counseling to get through this. This is way bigger than just getting some answers from Yahoo.

My gut feeling is that you need to immediately tell your fiancee about this. She needs to understand why you won't want to spend any more time alone with her dad. Is her mother in the picture?

Seriously, I would get some counseling and advice. Then, I would be honest and tell her what happened.

Answer 10

Why dont you talk to the dad first? maybe he should also have a say on this. is he gay? Your decision will depend on what he wants to do about that night. If he says forget about it...then do just that. It was a mistake...But if you feel it is something you have to tell your fiancee...then by all means tell her the truth. If you guys really love each other, you'll get through this...Good Luck