The love of my life and i have split up. We were together 4 years and have a 2 year old. We have split up before. He has left me about 5 times and always came back. He always leaves when the going gets tough. (When we fight or something) As i get over him he comes back, so its harder to get over him. The longest break was 5 months. This time it has been a month so far. He has met someone new. He said he at first with them it was strictly sex and no strings. They started to fall for each other though, now. She is supposed to be moving 6 states away in Januarary for school.
1. Is he on the rebound?
2. Do they work?
3. What can i do to move on again? for the 5th time?
4. I love him so much. That i have even started seeking therapy to be a better person and better mom. Why wont he give me a chance? I gave him all the ones when i took him back.
5. We made plans to get married and have a life. Now he says that this new girl is marriage material. I am confused. He's known her 2 weeks
2006-07-31 17:56:45 · 18 answers · asked by dawn w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I pray a lot but I cant hear God. I think that i may have done something so horrible in my past or past life to deserve this. It hurts so bad again. I really love that man. He says he can see that i am changing. He likes that but he wont give me a chance. Please help me? All i do is cry and think about the end...........Why would God give him to me just take him away? I hate this crap. I want to be a wife. I want to cook, clean, and take care of my husband and family. I hurt so bad............Please help me, someone?
2006-07-31 17:59:00 · update #1
Don't put up with his s#&*. He obviously does not know what he wants in life and is using you as a safety net. Then anytime he wants to explore he breaks up with you, it doesn't work, then he comes back to you. I know it will be hard to move on but you must for yourself and your child. It will make you stronger and it will teach your child to be strong.
2006-07-31 18:03:42 · answer #1 · answered by ChaCha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will briefly touch on something, partly I don't think you need to be scolded right now, but you need some conforting. First of all, God designed that a man and woman would not have sex nor live together until they are married.
But i am sorry that this is happening. I would suggest for you to forget about him. It will be hard, and it will take time. But if he runs everytime going gets hard, you don't need a guy like that. (And yes, he may be on rebound) but you need a guy that will marry you and stick with you. I am not saying that sometimes, it's not better to walk away for a few min, but no more then a day. But you should talk before a day is over and make up again.
Also the grass on the other side of the fence always looks greener! It's not always, (actually it's rarely ever greener). Ok, I am sure how that ties into this. I am real sorry this is happening to you and I don't know what else to say. I hope this helped slightly.
2006-08-01 01:11:50 · answer #2 · answered by ~~Catbird Woman~~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, maybe this is one of those mistakes you're supposed to learn from. Listen to the Tegan and Sara song "Where does the Good Go". It helped after I was in a situation similar to yours, I'll send you the lyrics. But babe, be reasonable, do you want your child exposed to such behavior. Do you want your child growing up with Daddy here some of the time and galavanting off with other women at others? I don't think so.
If you take him back, you're heart could break countless more times. If you leave him and let him go now, then you'll only be hurt by him this one last time. Any man that makes you cry is not worth the tears your wasting on him. And the one the will be worth the pain and suffering won't make you cry!
S
2006-08-01 01:07:33 · answer #3 · answered by Sam I Am 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry that you are hurting so badly. I do know how that feels. I felt similar man years ago when my first husband was jerking me around in a similar fashion. God may have already given you the answer, it is just not the answer that you want to hear. This guy knows he can poop all over you and you will continue to take him back, so he is in no hurry for you...you are always there on the back burner, should he get bored or lonely. When I finally saw my situation for what it was, something very similar to yours, I finally got mad enough to walk away...for good. It was only then that I saw that I really did deserve better. I deserved to be a wife and a mother to a family that loved and appreciated me, a family that didn't take advantage of me and hurt me. I have been married for 17 years to a wonderful, wonderful man. He loves me - no matter what, he has never walked out on me, even when the going gets tough. We have 5 beautiful children together ( my first husband wanted none). I would not have this family if I had waited around for my first loser husband to get his act together. Do yourself a huge favor and walk away. I know it hurts so bad, but you deserve more - and so does your child. Work on you for a while. God will watch over you and help you to be strong, but you have to meet him half way. Good luck, I'll be praying for you!!!
2006-08-01 01:07:09 · answer #4 · answered by wannabeteacher 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, move on. I know it's hard, especially with a child involved. But you have to love yourself and your child more than you love this guy. Obviously, he is not commited to you. He will never ever be faithful. Once a cheater...pretty much...always a cheater. The hurt will pass. You will love again. And, God does listen and answer our prayers. Sometimes not in our time frame and not exactly what we were looking for...but he does. Trust in HIm. Pray for peace of mind and heart. Pray for a better life for you and you litle one. You will be happy again. I promise you will. I divorced after 20 years of marriage and five children. It's been nearly four years now. I am happy and remarried to a man that loves me. Good luck and God Bless.
2006-08-01 01:32:10 · answer #5 · answered by sleepless in the ATL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.
Stay with the counseling and get some good books on codependency.
This person that has a CHILD with you told you about another woman that he's been seeing and said that she's marriage material?! HELLO?! Is anybody home?
I know it will be hard at first, but you can do it. You are not being punished for anything.
Get a good laywer for some child support. Don't let this loser back into your life. Is he more imporant than YOU?
2006-08-01 01:32:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this is your cue to move on...it's gonna be hard but you're gonna have to. He's a selfish man, Thank God that you won't end up with him and move on...not into another relationship either. Take care of those precious babies, and continue in the therapy to be a better mom/person. It sounds like this man isn't happy with himself, and will not be happy with any other woman he's with in the long run. Take it day by day, focus on your kids, and in time your heart will heal. Pray, you may not hear God, but he hears you and he will hold every tear you cry...and in time you will hear his voice speaking to your heart.
2006-08-01 02:50:48 · answer #7 · answered by dixi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter how bad it hurts you need to let go of him and go on with your life. Obviously he is going on with his for now till you take him back after he's had his fun. You said he's left you 5 times before? C'mom have some pride and self respect for yourself. He does it because he knows he can have his fun and then when he's done your there waiting for him. You need to be strong and let him know you are no longer going to be his doormat waiting for him when he's ready. You deserve so much more. Just remember it is definitely his loss and he will regret it one day. I'm hoping you won't take him back for the 6th time. Best of luck!
2006-08-01 05:10:34 · answer #8 · answered by Humming Bird 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband of 8 years just asked me for a divorce. We have 2 kids.
He has broken the vows of marriage. If you never took vows officially, they were implied when you agreed to 1) have sex, 2) live together and 3) have a baby.
You do need to continue to pray, and continue to make yourself a better person. Not for him, but for God, for yourself, for your child, and any future husband, whoever God leads to you. You need to see a pastor for counseling who you trust to hear God's Word when your emotions get in the way.
Don't worry about if his other relationship is going to work. Work on you. Keep yourself pure, now, until marriage. Get to know what you expect from a future spouse, and what God expects of a husband (and a wife), and don't compare those expectations to your (ex). He may let God lead him back to you, or he may not. Keep praying for him to live in God's will, not yours. Pray for God's will in all things, He knows best.
If you need to find a good, godly church for a counselor, go to www.upci.org
email me any time. I know how this feels!
2006-08-01 01:22:05 · answer #9 · answered by NotMySecret 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He know and despises your desperation. You will never get a man to marry you like that. You have to demonstrate that you can make it in life with or without him. Men do not like "needy" women. They already have so much stress on them. That is probably why he enjoys the no strings approach. You just cant "drain" a man. He knows that he can always come back to you, you have to move on for now.
2006-08-01 01:18:51 · answer #10 · answered by krichard70 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did the two of you ever marry? If not, and he is gone, keep him gone and get some help straightening out your own life. ( This is for the child, not you! well you too. ) Also sounds like he is not worth having if he does not stick around when things get tough. Not a mature MAN. You are on the right track praying about it.
2006-08-01 01:13:20 · answer #11 · answered by krash 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋