How do I help my divorced adult daughter become more assertive?

Question

My divorced adult daughter lets everyone take advantage of her, including her ex., her sons, her friends and her neighbors. How can I help her?

Answer 1

Encourage her to see a counselor. Especially a pastor at a church. They can help her to know what her role as a woman is, which she seems to think is a doormat. The Bible does not say that a woman is a doormat, but is someone to be cherished. She needs to know that. She may also consider joining a womens' group at a church.

Answer 2

She needs someone to help her straighten her thoughts
out and help her get her self esteem back. I'd suggest she
get a therapist. She may even find that she's depressed and
needs some anti-depressants to help her get through this.

Maybe she's been a people pleaser. That's also a sign of
low self-esteem. Someone needs to ask her what SHE
wants for her future. What are HER goals. I found myself
so intertwined with my family members, that I got swallowed
up. I spoke about them, I did everything for them... when I
got divorced I was faced with questions about what I wanted.

I was somewhat "Co-dependent" and it took a while to even
realize what that was. She needs a little help to improve her
image. Go shopping with her. Try on young, bright colors.
Try a new hair color or style. Get some "smokin" sunglasses.
Read "A Woman's Worth", by Marianne Williamson- or "Return to Love".

Then, date again. If she needs to try the classified-- or online,
fine. Or try "Parents without Partners", have someone set
her up on a date. -- She needs to think of herself as vibrant
again.

When I got divorced, I started using the wrinkle cream Retin-A.
It makes my skin look so much younger and has helped
me feel good about being over 40.

Compliment her and encourage her. Don't nag- don't bully-
just be supportive. She probably just needs a helping hand
and listening ear.

Good luck to you both.

Answer 3

You can try, but empowerment can only come from within each one of us on our own. We teach people in our lives how to treat us... and for some reason your daughter has not come to the point in her life where she can no longer tolerate such treatment. Talk with her, see if she will seek out some form of group therapy. I suggested group sessions, because it is much easier to share your problems and strife with other people who share your issues. Plus, if she doesn't want to speak or share, she can sit and listen to other's speak of their own lives and problems and she will realize through them how living in meekness can blossom into a life that is no longer in her control. Just be her mother and try and support her in her efforts toward being more assertive. As a parent I know it hurts to see your child in pain and suffering, no matter if it is physical or mental. Talk with her as a friend, and I bet you will find that she really doesn't want to live this way, but can't find the strength alone to bring herself out of the cycle she has perpetuated. Peace.

Answer 4

You can be there to be a sounding board. Wait til she asks you questions, or opens up about this issue. Then, rather than giving her answers, tell her stories about what has happened to YOU in the past and how YOU handled it. Try to remember that what has worked for you in your life may not be the right thing for her. So the only way we can ultimately help our kids is by sharing our experiences with them, and then letting them make their own decisions.

Answer 5

My mom is like that, one day I asked her picture someone she didnt like or care for, she gave me a name, and then I said well if that person was being treated the way you are what would you say do they deserve it? she said no, well then I asked why do you? and she stopped and thaught a minute and she said I dont. Well then stop letting people walk on you. She is getting alot better. Just remember to keep building your daughters self esteem.

Answer 6

She needs to be in counseling. She sounds like she is very insecure with low self esteem. Group therapy would help her to realize that she is worth far more than what she thinks.

Answer 7

Well , until she realizes this and has enough, you can't really help her.I used to be super nice to people and eventually got so sick of users, now im probably too assertive ..lol

Answer 8

She needs a therpist, a woman therapist. She obviously has no self-esteem.

Answer 9

Be supportive (not critical) and build up her self esteem and self belief. It can be very hard to stand up for yourself when you feel worthless.

Answer 10

sounds like she needs more self esteem, and more self confidence. you might be there to support her, but sounds like she may need professional help mama.