Please help me if you are married and have gone thru this...?

Question

I have been married for a year and my husband and I just had a baby, but instead of being happy I find myself always arguing with him about spending time with us or just feeling depressed, what should I do, I mean I would not trade in my child for the world but I am thinking about trading in my husband...I do love him but I feel like I'm losing my attraction to him. I feel like a divore is hard to lean towards this early on but I don't know?

Thanks everyone for all your help, reading some of these brought tears to my eyes, because they made me feel like I was not alone and the advice that was given seemed so genuine, like I've known some of you personally. Thanks so much. As far as those who assumed that I was young and being immature, I'll just assume that you guys are young and have no clue, and no we are not young, we are in our upper 20's. I will say that we do need to spend some time with eachother, however when I bring that up he finds something else to do. I feel like he does not find me attractive anymore and that hurts me to say.

Answer 1

Sometimes husbands feel pushed aside by the new baby or have a hard time seeing thier spouse as sexy anymore, they now see her as maternal, and feel un-needed, especially if the mother breast feeds. Be sure to spend some time each day with just him, reminding him that he is still your man and he will regain his footing and be there for you and the new addition.

Answer 2

Its part of being a new mom or just a mom, after you have a baby you think youll be happy but thats not the case most times, youll experience a broad range of emotions, and depression is usually on the top of the list, its hard spending all the time w the baby alone, and men cant have babies so they dont understand how important it is to be there when you have a newborn- i felt the exact same way, it had only been 3days since we came home from the hospital n my hubby n i got in a fight cuz he needed some alone time- we were in a financial struggle and spent alot of time together but he also spent a good deal of time w his brother playin video games during the pregnancy, so he went to the movies to see "see no evil" while i was at home with a 3day old baby n had a high blood pressure problem- i pretended like it wasnt a problem but i couldnt hold it in anymore i told why i was acting different- and he was yelling bout his ME TIME, but when i explained to him what he did, he felt horrible and i noticed w a few other things, some men just dont get it and you have to bring it to their attention,

also ive read a book and asked around, and found out that fathers especially 1st time dads sometimes get jealous of the baby, cuz theyre useto being center of attention and forget that babies need special care and lots of attention because theyre helpless and deffenseless, so the dad sometimes act out his jealousy, when i asked my hubby he admitted to being jealous of our son, so dont put in the towel just yet, talk to him- no yelling from either of you, i know its hard but sit n talk and find out why he's doing what he's doing, then yall can come up w a solution, also find a trustworthy friend to watch the baby for a day so the two of you can have some time together, i know plenty of women who get help from their mothers and in laws, oh and one other thing, it could be sexual frustration- ya know the 6wks thing,

Answer 3

Those first few months with a new baby are the hardest. Taking care of the baby takes so much out of both of you that you need more from each other, but each of you has less to give because you're busy with the baby. It does get better...slowly.

If there is nothing else wrong with your relationship, tough it out for now. Talk to him. Find a way to be honest about your feelings while being tactful. Make sure that whatever you say, you don't come off laying the blame on him. Start with "I need your help..." instead of "you never..." or "you always...." Make an honest attempt to see it from his point of view. It worked for me, eventually.

My son just turned 2. The first 6 months were REALLY hard. I really wanted to walk out almost all the time. It took a lot of effort from both of us, but it did get better, gradually.

The up side is that because we worked on it, we actually have a much better and stronger relationship now than we did before the baby. We're getting much better at resolving differences without hurting each other's feelings, and I don't think about splitting up any more.

Answer 4

honey you are married only for a year. So the spark is still there in your marriage.See you are exhausted looking after the baby the whole day and expect a lot from your husband.Its not a bad thing everybody does.
Seeing you spending all your time with the baby your husband might be feeling you have no time for him and detaching himself.
you have not lost your attraction .You get that feeling as your husband may not be spending as much time with you as he was before the baby.
why dont u leave the baby with a baby sitter and go out every weekend or one day a week with your hubby for a say dinner and a movie.he will be delighted and in turn u will feel much better.you take charge and plan something.

Answer 5

I think both of your roles have just changed and both are reacting in different ways. A mothers nature is to pull in the ranks when she is uncomfortable a man unfortunately pulls away when he feels uncomfortable.

You are a new mom dealing with not only adapting to a new being in your surroundings that is completely dependant upon you but also hormones that can continue to change and adjust for up to a year..longer if you are breastfeeding.

Now is the time to work on your communication skills. Maybe your husband is feeling a bit slighted when it comes to the baby. I understand that some men do feel like the baby is taking more time on your chest than he is and get jealous. I dont know. But one thing is for sure..you both need to try to talk..and if he refuses to open up in conversations..how about writing your fears/concerns down on paper and leave it by the "throne" (toilet) so you will have his undivided attention and who knows..ask in your letter that he write his feelings down since obviously its too touchy to speak openly about. But make it clear that its so important that you work it out you are willing to try whatever it takes for him to feel comfy in discussing the issues. Dont judge him for his responses whatever they are or else the communication will stop again. His feelings count just as much as yours. But you have the upper hand in that you have acknowledged there is a problem..he hasnt.

Best wishes!

Answer 6

It sounds like you have the symptoms of post partum depression, you really need to talk to your doctor about this before it gets out of hand. Give your hubby a chance, if you are suffering from post partum he has no idea how to handle it and I am sure that he would be willing to do whatever it takes to make things right. Post Partum is nothing to mess around with, it is a serious condition. If you want an example think about that woman Andrea Yates, she had post partum and look what it made her do. Really I can't stress enough, talk to your doctor and get it under control. Good luck to you!!!!!

Answer 7

I understand your plight to some degree. Maybe you should indulge in activities with your baby like water babies swimming lessons, gymboree, parenting play groups or something like that. Eventually he may want to join in after possibly feeling left out. You can show him better than you can tell him how you feel in this case. He may be going through something. Take the baby to visit more friends and family. The more he sees you active and on the go with your baby, the less he'll see you at home doing the same routines.

Answer 8

Hope you don't live in Texas, cause you will be considered insane If you make the wrong decision, guys will always ( believe me ) will always be guys and if your both young and dumb then the little baby will suffer, even if he / she grows to be a grand --, Talk to him now and ask for an answer, otherwise he will drift and you should find "someone" who wants to be a good person, not religious or rightous, but just a good person.

Answer 9

yeah, have a good talk with your husband to let him know how you feel...also, do give your husband attention besides just attending to the baby, cos husbands do have a tendency to feel left out upon the arrival of a new baby.

It's also important to set aside "dating" time at least once a week, so that both of you can spend time and attention on yourselves again.

hope that helps, and things will get better. :)))

Answer 10

Maybe you and him should make certain days of the week, Your days! Like if you and him have nothing to do on a certain day of the week, you should have someone babysit and you and him go do something special, or spend that day at home making love! hehe You need to do this, or you will get bored of each other or lose interest. You have to keep the love alive, the spark you had when you first met.