My husband thinks by acting like a s s he is going to get his way. He is still pissed off because a week ago I did not give him a massage b/c I had company. He got a huge attitude and started calling me names saying I was stupid and lazy. He is acting like a spoiled brat that was the first time I said no and w/good reason, this very day he is angry and won't pay my bills (I no longer work). I told him I was sick of his childish ways and I wanted a divorce. I don't think he realizes how tired I am how can I show him before I smack him with divorce papers
2006-07-31 15:29:51 · 34 answers · asked by Val 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I quit working two weeks ago and now have to depend on him so I can pursue my bachelor's degree he encouraged me and now is acting like I owe him something
2006-07-31 15:31:08 · update #1
This was a mutual decision and he supported me going back to school
2006-07-31 17:39:48 · update #2
Val, the fact that you're trying to complete your degree says that you're trying to make a change in your life. Unfortunately, you're not going to be able to change your husband. He can only do that on his own. If you see him changing for the worse, then it's high time you divorce him.
If you ask "how can I show him..." the answer is "you can't." He can only see it for himself, and if he "changes" once you smack him with divorce papers, it's only going to be temporary. He's only changed because he needs to adapt to the circumstances. Once things fall back into a routine, and the immediate threat of divorce has passed, he'll become a jerk again.
If he doesn't support your decision to change your life for the better, then he's not a good spouse. Just move on in your life.
Good luck.
2006-07-31 15:40:56 · answer #1 · answered by Hello Che 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I want to say I am so sorry for what you are going through...there is no excuse for mental abuse.
I just want to say that I think we all need to use the word "divorce" very carefully. You told him you wanted a divorce, but you are still there, right? Well, if he told you he wanted a divorce, and he was still there, would you really believe him? I would suggest using words like..I'm getting sick of this...something has got to change here...time to seek therapy...anything but the divorce word.
He is being extremely childish! I can't believe he still isn't over not getting a massage a week ago. That's just ridiculous! You are in the right to be upset and fed up.
So, I would start devising a plan ...ask yourself if therapy is something he would even consider. Make sure you have some money set back incase things don't work out. Grab the checkbook and pay those bills if the money is there...I would hate to see "your" credit get ruined just because "he" is being a pain.
The name calling isn't okay at all! That's abusive..you can't let that continue. You could become depressed and start to think you deserve it. You take care of you my friend!
2006-07-31 16:22:39 · answer #2 · answered by ShineOn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you shouldn't accept the name calling, he has no right to belittle you.
Second, get a job. It doesn't sound like this was a mutual decision. You want to make sure you take care of your own credit, and if the decision wasn't a mutual decision, he probably ISN'T going to pay bills you rung up on your own. Plus, if you are an adult, you really should contribute financially.
Third, get your divorce if you feel that's the way he treats you. Forget about school, you are an adult and have to have a job. (Or better yet, get a full time job and go to school part time; lots of people have done it). You don't really NEED him in order to complete your schooling ... you are just using him because you think it will be easier. Don't fall for that.
2006-07-31 16:09:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do owe him something. He is your spouse and you have promised him support and love, so you owe it to him. However it is a two way street and he owes you the same things. Doesn't sound like he is holding up his end.
Maybe you should ask him what he wants. If you can't live with the answer, maybe you should leave him. This does not necessarily mean divorce, this just means time away. If things really don't work out no matter what, then you may have no choice but to divorce.
2006-07-31 15:39:43 · answer #4 · answered by G-man 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, calm down, you can't think clearly while you are so upset. Second, stop worring about the bills in the worst case you can take a part time job in anything to start to pay them, anyway if you really feel things can not be fixed by talking date him in a neutral place and talk gently about the posibility of separation to clear your mind about what do you want next in your life, maybe you both need things the other is not giving, and think a lot of this before talking.
2006-07-31 15:44:01 · answer #5 · answered by Andrea H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could try counseling, but I'm not sure that your husband is mature enough to handle it. Did he agree with your quitting your job? He should have had some say. If he continues to be a jerk, sounds like he's been one the whole time, then you'll need to leave and return to work, putting your schooling on hold again. Good luck with your selfish, immature husband.
2006-07-31 15:35:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him. If that fails, seek counseling. If that fails, move in with your friend/sister/parents/etc.. for a week or two till he sees you are serious about the way he treats you. If he still acts like a jerk, then you should divorce the creep. Sometimes men need to be hit over the head with something before it sinks in!
2006-07-31 15:35:45 · answer #7 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he's just childish, if he loves you then he will relize that life without his wife is not worth being a a- whole, talk to him and tell him about ( make one up if need be to see where his head is at ) a divorce lawyer that you spoke with, see if his attitude changes if not you have you're answer, be stronggood luck he seems to be a jerk, hey you will be making the big bucks soon
2006-07-31 15:47:27 · answer #8 · answered by 1plum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep your head in the books look for work and don't threaten him with divorce until you are on your way out. Words can be over looked until you are in the right position. Don't kiss his butt, just think in a short time you will be okay. Just keep your head up sister.
2006-07-31 15:37:00 · answer #9 · answered by Bren 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a job so you dont need his dumbas.s for anything then slap him with divorce papers as soon as possible. Oh, and MOVE OUT! Take all your stuff and anything of his that you like that could be considered yours too like the TV or computer, all the movies...basicly just leave him his clothing and bathroom stuff.
2006-07-31 15:34:09 · answer #10 · answered by ziggunerin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋