I am currently deplyoed to the desert and my wife told me that she has been talking to this guy that used to be my friend. I asked her to stop talking to him and she said that she would do anything for me. Now 2 months after I asked her to do this she is still talking to him. I haven't been friends with him for about 6 months and found out that when he does call it's around 6 times in the span of 15-30 mins. I know that he likes her. He asks her to hang out all the time even though I am over here in the desert, but she still wants to talk to him no matter how many times I have asked her not to. So do you think that this could be a potential problem?
2006-07-31 15:00:56 · 19 answers · asked by Greg B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It depends completely on your wife's personality. Some women are just more prone to have male friends. That could be it. It could also be he is willing to talk to her to fulfill that need she has for a male to listen to her. It doesn't mean she has feelings for him, just wants a man to listen. It can all come down to how you handle the situation. My husband is deployed also, and I have always had mostly male friends and its a big problem for him, as you can imagine. But I have never thought of crossing that line, until he threw an absolute fit about one of them. (no i didn't do it though). If you used to be friends with him, is there any chance you could speak to him about this. Maybe he needs a reality check. But don't push it too hard, they may push back. Does she have any female friends where she is? Maybe a trust worthy wife of another soldier. That can make a big difference if she does ever think of crossing that line, she will atleast have an example to follow keeping her on the straight and narrow. You have to realize it is so hard and lonely being a military wife, we all get vulnerable when there is somebody willing to take that place even temporarily. Imagine you were starving, and somebody told you if you could just hold out you could get a TBone after a year of waiting. But in the meantime you have to sit back and watch everybody else enjoy a Ribeye? Its tough, but open, honest, non-judgemental communication is definitely the key. At least she is telling you about it, so she probably doesn't feel that she is doing something too horrible at this point.
2006-07-31 15:14:06 · answer #1 · answered by Chrissy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see some maturity issues going on here, and her feelings and emotions are mixed. This is dangerous, and it's not good for your marriage. She obviously not ready for marriage, and I think this guy friend of hers enjoys the idea of jacking up your marriage. It sounds like it will progress, and then when the marriage is messed up, maybe after a few more BJ's at least, he will dump her again. Then she will want to make things better with you. This is a huge life lesson, and why you can tell she is about to learn big time why you do not mess with an old flame, or even try to be friends. When a woman's emotions gets the best of her, and she is confused, she will mess up. Sorry to say dude, time to let her go and get on with your life. Hopefully there are no kids yet.
2016-03-27 11:20:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be worried as well. It could be a problem. She should be hanging out with the girls more than with men while you are away. When you are vulnerable (like she is right now) it would be much easier to fall into the arms of another man if she is not careful. She needs not be too emotionally attached to any guy either... unless it's her Dad or something. If she is lonely, and afraid or anything like that while you are away she needs to talk to a trusted girlfriend, or her mother, or father... or if you are religious (Pastor, Priest, Rabbi etc). Affairs start emotionally for women... when they start pouring out their heart about their problems at home to other men who give them a listening ear.
I agree with this other person to not be harsh towards her, but try to give her your point of view in a kind, but strong way.
2006-07-31 15:14:00 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah V 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is very lonely right now. I know from experience, I am a military wife. You need to emphasis how much you TRUST her, don't accuse her of anything.Remind her how much she means to you ..... do NOT fight with her no matter how mad you get. She is going through hell just like you, only in her own way. I know that knowing my husband trusted me and loved me kept me honest the few times he has been at war. She is just tempted because he is there. You need to talk to HIM, he is trying to take advantage of your wife at a weak moment. .......... send her a love letter... I know you guys can do email. I got the best love letters when he was over seas!! Do a count down to when you will be in her arms again.....you get what I'm saying.
I would definitely confront him. Is he military? I know the military "frowns" on this sort of thing. Get someone here to talk to him if you can.
2006-07-31 15:15:55 · answer #4 · answered by angel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well being a fellow deployed military member, I feel for you. I see this as definite problem. Unfortunately you don't have whole lot of pull being so far away. I suggest having someone you trust (preferably a female) keep an eye on her. By the way you spelled deployed wrong. You must be Army.
2006-07-31 15:52:11 · answer #5 · answered by Flem-Flam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poetential problem? You bet. While not the same situation, my now ex-wife was kind of doing the same thing. She always denied that anything was going on but I knew it. Do you have a friend or family member who can periodically drive by and check up on things? Good luck and stay safe.
2006-07-31 15:10:17 · answer #6 · answered by bigjoe760 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this but yes be worried. Especially if you told her you dont like it. My advice is to calmly explain why it bothers you and ask her to stop dont bark orders at her and make her feel like youre yelling at her. And if she still does it then Shes a *****
2006-07-31 15:07:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes definitly a problem this guy needs a smack in the mouth for disloyalty
2006-07-31 15:08:27 · answer #8 · answered by nathan b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to add any more stress to your life, but, yes, it is a problem! Your wife is lacking the love & respect for you that you deserve & that she, as a wife should have for you.
2006-07-31 15:11:55 · answer #9 · answered by Katz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it could be a potential problem. Hopefully you can trust her. I'm sorry that you're going through this.
2006-07-31 15:08:06 · answer #10 · answered by Tamara C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋