Should I contact a past boyfriend even though Im now married?

Question

Ok well Ive been married for 3 yrs and right before I got married I cheated on my husband with a guy I met in school for about 6 months. Me and my husband at the time were off and on and not technically together. So I wasnt exactly cheating. I fell in love with this guy and he fell in love with me too. We ended on really bad terms and I got married within one week of breaking it off with him. I still thin about him all the time and I want to contact him sooo bad. If I had my choice I would leave my husband and try to be with him but its been 3 yrs since Ive even talked to him. I want to write him a letter just to tell him that I still think about him but I dont want to tell him who I am because Im afriad my husband will find out. I do love my husband but I dont feel the same way about him as I do the other guy. Its very odd. Im happily married but cannot stop thinking about someone else. Any advice will help. Thank you soooo much

All the answers are helpful but the other guy treated me soo good and my husband is great but not like the other guy. I dont know if its cuz we've been married for 3 yrs and all the butterflies are gone or what but I CANNOT stop thinking about my ex..

Answer 1

You should be forward looking.Your contact with your old boy friend may invite misunderstanding and trouble.Marriage is not meaningless, it brings with it responsibility and fidelity.Concentrate on developing the foundation of your married life. What you saw in your old friend, you might see even in better form in your husband.The sooner your old friend in in oblivion the better.

Answer 2

If you truly love your husband, then you have to leave the ideas of other men behind. You have to think about how much it would hurt your husband if he found out you were trying to really toy with the idea of another man. You would feed something that would lead your marriage to distruction. So, unless you want your marriage to end, then don't do it. If you truly "love" someone then you love them unconditionally and will do anything to stay with them... even if the "feelings" of love aren't there. Love is a choice, not a feeling. I'm sure this other guy isn't perfect either... and if you were with him for a while you'd find out he's got flaws just like any other guy on the planet. Start being thankful for what you have in your husband and you will see him in a different light. Fantasies are just that... fantasies. You only see the good, and never the bad. Hope this helps! :)

Answer 3

You are torn between two loved ones. And sooner or later, your husband will find out, or maybe suspects something is wrong. And believe me, he will find out.

For your sake, you must make a decision, and you should make it soon. On the other hand, have you considered this other man may have forgotten you? Maybe he married someone else? Are you ready to face the possibility he has no feelings for you, or at least not the same feeling?

It is not fair to your husband to be in a relationship that is not meant to last. If you really love your husband, how can you stand this situation, in which you will hurt him deeply. knowingly?

Spend sometime alone, so you can clear your mind and decide. The sooner the better.

Good luck,

Answer 4

I would have never gotten married under those circumstances to begin with.Maybe you are just longing for this guy because you think it will make you feel better or something. Sometimes when we look back at the past people seem better than they really are. And if you plan on contacting this guy do your husband a favor and just get a divorce because its not right to drag someone along. And its obvious your relationship with him isn't that great or you would be to busy with the here and now and not pondering through the past.

Answer 5

Your husband treats you right. Don't screw that up thinking about a former fling. It can't be love by this time. You did not cheat but got married a week later? Your imagined romance is fantasy.
GET OVER IT ALREADY. Learn to appreciate what you have and quit with the greener grass thing. You did say it ended badly.
What gives you the idea it would be any different now? You need to grow up.

Answer 6

Why would you want to open that Pandora's Box? My suggestion is to write the letter that expresses what you want to say.......then destroy it. It will get your feelings written out on paper. Perhaps it will help you clarify what it is you want. A relationship 3 years ago is long gone and even more important than that is your husband, your relationship together with him. Wouldn't this situation be so hurtful to you if the tables were turned? I'm sure you don't want to hurt your husband or jepordize the trust between you two. If you don't want to be with your husband, then don't be with him and take those steps........but what you are describing here will most definetly hurt all involved and will just be a complicated mess that you will most assuredly regret.

Answer 7

You have feelings all over the place that you need to sort out. I too have been in this same exact situation. You don't do anything with the Ex. Don't call, don't see him either. Work through your marriage and husband until you find it totally impossible to do and you have tried EVERYTHING under the sun to keep it together, if all fails, end it with your hubby. Don't jump into another situation until you have finished the first one. If you do, trust me you WILL encounter MAJOR drama and problems. You may need to come clean and tell him that your mariage isn't working and take it from there. However, situations like this DOES happen.

Answer 8

well, i guess, i wouldnt have married(ur hubbby) in the first place if u werent ready to move on from the past relationship. I think that u need some alone time to find urself and what u want. Moving backwards instead of forwards is not a good thing sometimes. everything happens for a reason, sometimes it may take awhile to figure it all out, but it will come together!! Good luck

Answer 9

I can relate to your question in a very big way.
One thing I must say is that you need to follow
your heart.Also think logically with following
your heart.If you are no longer in love with your
husband,I suggest you tell him,and possibly
get a divorce.I would not contact your exboyfriend
til you have done that.Then you will be free,clear
headed,and able to move forward.First and foremost
tell your husband if you are not happy with him.
If you were to write or make contact with your
ex then it would only complicate your situation.

Answer 10

depends on how that relationship went and how your husband feels about it now. I would talk to your husband about it and see what he says, he cant stop you from seeing him, but it would make it better that he knew about it. tell him it will be only letters and make sure you keep your husband updated on everything and that you are keeping true to him. if you think you will think about leaving your husband for him then it might not be a good idea to talk with him.