How do I come out?

Question

When my mom talks of lesbians (She's ok with gay men), it is always something negative. The says that it is nasty and other things like that. I am gay but she does not know it. I want to tell her but with her attitude, I am afraid I will get kicked out. I have a twin sister and she is straight and she also talks negatively about lesbians. I am more butch like and most people just assume that I am gay. My mom dosen't like the way I dress and yells at me alot for it. Sometimes I think she does that because she dosen't want me to be gay and to let me know that being gay is unacceptable. I want to tell her that I am gay to see if she will stop yelling at me but I am afraid of getting kicked out since I am 18. What do yall think I should do? I plan on moving away after freshman year and getting a new start somewhere else but I want to start dating before then, but my sister is going to the same college. Also, any ideas on where to move to after this year?

Answer 1

Well, you'll have to wait until you move out and go to college. Find a support group on campus that can support you. In a hostile environment like your home it can be hard to have the strength to stand up to your parents and come out. When I told my dad, I looked for exits and where he would have hid the firearms, just in case. Close people like your parents it would be most respectful to tell them in person. I had a friend feel wronged because i told him somewhat as an afterthought while outing myself to a gay guy in class. Don't expect much to come out of this conversation though. She'll probably need time to cool down before you can work on the issues that are already tearing you two apart.

Another piece of advice from a transsexual lesbian in college: Check to see if you'll need your parent's help with financing college. Because of my situation I have no financial support from my parents, and so I had to put all of my college expenses on really high-risk student loans.

Answer 2

First off I would start dropping hints to your sister about "gay" issues, like talk about movies with lesbian themes (rent "V for Vendetta" and make her watch it with you), actors or actress that support gay, lesbian, and bisexual people and their rights, gay marriage, talk about how sterotypes are wrong, about how some animals in nature seek out same-sex mates, and so on. I know a lot of twins and they are very close to each other. I think if you talk to your sister she may come around. Just educate her about the subject, maybe she has only heard the bogus myths.

Next going to college and join a gay/straight alliance so you can have someone to talk to and some support. Many states also have local GLBTQ youth groups, even where you would think they wouldn't. Try to finish school before moving to a whole new place or go to school in the new state and live at the dorm. Too many unknown things can get crazy. Write a plan but know things will change and that's ok.

I'll link a good web-site or two about how to "come out" to family and friends. Talk to your sister first.

http://www.youthresource.com/

Answer 3

Sounds like mom and your sister has some growing up to do.I think you're mom already know that's why she be telling you about the way you dress.I don't think she's in denial but maybe thinking she can change you.Always always be who you are hon or you are going to be miserable and stressed.I don't think you need to tell your mom right this second if you are going away soon because you know that she will probably ask you to leave.So just wait a little longer it's not going to hurt none you waited this long.When you go away to college you are going to have the time of your life!When you do tell mom trust me she's not going to be shock you are her daughter she already knows.And your sister don't worry about her she'll get over it,and if not oh well.You take care baby and I wish you all the happiness in the world and you reach for the stars!

Answer 4

If you really think she'd kick you out, don't tell her until you have a plan for where you would live and how you would support yourself if she does.
Maybe she knows already and is just being obnoxious about lesbians to keep you from telling her, because she doesn't want to face what she will see as unpleasant news.
There are a bunch of coming out resources on the web. Some of the best are from the Human Rights Campaign. I'll put the link below.
Good Luck

Answer 5

Sometimes, I think it is more acceptable for women to do their little thing because women are naturally more huggy, kissy and what have you. Your Mom, if she is a loving Mom, will understand and if she doesn't, oh well, someday, she will regret not doing so. Love is love really, if you look at it like that. What people do in their own bedrooms is their own business. Now the Bible thumpers will be the first to tell you, "The Bible (A book written by MAN) states that man shall not lie down with man or beast." Like I said, it is a book written by man, not GOD! As long as you live and act in a kind, caring manner to any and every living thing, your "Creator" will have no problem with you. Gay people are actually those whose brains and sex organs went in the wrong directions. That is all. It is okay in my eyes and I am not gay. I wish you luck in coming out Honey. I know that i would never judge one of my children for their sexual preferences. :)

By the way, I have an identical twin sister and identical twin brothers. We are all very different in our likes, dislikes and opinions about everything. Environment has a lot to do with the way we grow up. Honey, don't worry. Find your way on your own if you have to. Do not sacrifice your happiness for what others want you to think or believe. Only you know what makes you happy and do it! Whatever it is. You must find your independance so you do not have to listen to everyone else. Only you is what matters in your life. Nobody else. You have to live with you and that you should be happy regardless of what others think. I don't care who it is. Hugs and good luck. :)

Answer 6

I agree with redcatt63, the site is good. Make sure you have a strong support group before you take on telling your family. Make sure you have an alternate place to stay when you tell them. I wish I could tell you it was going to be easy, but if there is that much negativity in the house it may be because they don't want to know or are in denial.

See if you can get on campus housing or a support group on campus. Apply for financial aid. You may have to get a letter from your mom stating she is not supporting you, otherwise you may miss out on some good opportunities like a pell grant.

I wouldn't advise you of dropping a bomb until you have someplace to take cover from the aftershock.

Answer 7

Wait until you are on your own and paying your own bills. There is no rush. You could very well get kicked out. At least you are 18. If you were underage you could have found your self in some kind of treatment center to turn you straight. Go to a college far from home. Experiment there.

When you are independant go ahead and tell your family.

Answer 8

wait until you have everything stable for yourself. Your mom, may already know about you, but she just wants to make you see its unacceptable in HER EYES. the rest or MOST of society don't really care. Just feel comfortable with yourself and understand that nobody should make you feel guilty or sad for being who you are. Live your life and and when your ready to come out to your Family, you'll know. It's not something you just do, it's something that you do when you know it's right. Trust yourself and trust your judgement. and if you need someone to talk to or just to meet a new person, I'm free.

WISH YA LUCK AND GUIDENCE

Answer 9

If you are strongly sure that ur parents are going to kick u out....then get a job, if u already have one, save money, then try to get a roommate (makes financial stuff easier) start looking for places like condos or apartments, then once u have everything set, tell your parents. Once they see that u are a full grown person who knows how to handle life in your own way, they will understand and be proud of seeing you making your own journey. Its kinda like slaping them with a white glove, if u know what I mean. Go for it!!
By the way I am bisexual and loving it!

Answer 10

I already answered your previous question, but i'm in doubt if you saw my answer yet, if u need anything just go in my profile and click on my email.I'll get back to you for sure !