The wife and I are getting back together after 6 months of seperation.?

Question

I'm in the navy stationed in Virginia and she is in Michigan. Cant bring them down because of money issues, but we have been working on it for about a month now. Everything was going fine up until a week ago when she said she needed me to back off a little, that I was putting too much pressure on her. I was ok with that. I called her on a Friday and she told me she didn't want to talk because she was spending some time with her mom. I was ok with that. I tried to call her Saturday, all day, but she would not answer her phone and still today, Monday she wont talk to me. She says to stop calling and that she will call when she is ready to talk about it. I am afraid she is going to tell me that she can't do it. I asked her if that was the case and she said she couldn't answer that at that time. She said me continueing to call even though she doesn't answer is making it worse. I hate this becasue I do not know what to expect. What can I do, if anything, to make it better and was I wrong?

Please...anyone with real advice can IM me if you would like to get more details or whatever...I just need some advice...

Answer 1

She's obviously telling you that she needs more time to determine what she wants to do. She could be scared or she could have someone else and is not sure whether to take the chance with you or with this other person.

If you know exactly where she is, I would go there and speak to her in person. Tell her how you feel and let her make the decision. Be peaceful and be sure not to argue.

Unfortunately, in my honest opinion this separation does not help and the relationship is usually lost. In that case, be strong and move forward.

Answer 2

I think you better let her cool down. She must be thinking something else, while you are not on her sight, and so were you.
Being away to each other are super challenge 4 both of you, Unless the Love is really there. Try not to call her 4 a week, See what happen. If she doesn't call you by then, Then you need to ask her if she still wants to continue the relationship or not. Mean while, enjoy your job meet friends time will tell. But if you have kids with her, You should continue to get connected with your kids, If you don't,Then wait. Depends how much long you'll take her unreasonable attitude. "Love covers the multitude of sin" Are you in Love with her? Be a Romeo. If it is fading, Then you're not in Love anymore. Are you wrong? I don't know what you did. To make it better? Talk to her. Patience required if she is worth it. 6 months with communication is fine. BUt without communication, It's fishy..

Answer 3

okay the best thing i can suggest is back off for a lil while and expect the worse. If you get your hopes up it will only be harder on you. She might be having second thoughts and you calling her is pressure to her to make up her mind right then. If you call her don't call more than once a day unless she asks you to call back. is she giving up anything?
I get like that where i feel i am being pressured and i dont answer calls from that person cause i feel like they need an answer right then and there.
What kind of influces does she have there? do you think any one would be holding her back?
if you have any questions or just need to talk you can email me at [e-mail] or IM me taytayjomar89

good luck

Answer 4

Hey. Sounds pretty tense for you at this time. You also sound like you really love your wife and want things to work. However, this decision is not yours alone. it sounds to me like your wife maybe having second thoughts, possibly influenced by others(mom,friends etc?) The worse thing you can do is pressure her. Give her the space she is asking for no matter how difficult for you. This will help to show her that you respect her and take her needs seriously. You could send her an email or letter telling her how you care about her and want to be with her, let her know your heart and all you hope for your future but DO NOT pressure her or it will work against you. Unfortunatly you may have to accept that she does not feel your marriage will work and you will need to accept that and carry on. You both deserve to be happy and a relationship takes two to make or break. I hope things work out for you!

Answer 5

Sounds like she is scared. Is she very close to her family and does she live near them? It would be a big change and for some people change is a very scary thing. Moving can be soooo stressful. I know this is hard for you right now but if she told you calling her is just more upsetting to her then I would suggest you do back off. Let her come to you.In the meantime do things to distract yourself from the situation - go to a movie be with your friends - do whatever you can to ease your mind and relax. I am sure that if you and your wife love each other then she will come around. Of course I don't know you - but until you know for sure she is not moving don't be a pessimist it is just stress that you don't need. Hope that helps a bit...

Answer 6

It sounds like maybe she's terrified at the idea of sacrificing her family to move to Virginial. Did the two of you talk about the move? Is she tired of moving from base to base? Do you have children? If so, does she long to establish for them a long term home? Despite her wishes that you back off, the two of you need to talk...even if she doesn't have the answers, she can confide in you her fears and concerns...that's what a marriage is...what relationship can thrive without communication? Just remember if and when she does confide in you, don't react--just listen. Maybe she fears you'll be angered about her feelings or her doubts. Or that you'll try to fix them or deny them. Practice the art of good listening like never before.Good luck.

Answer 7

This is a difficult question to work with because you want a simple answer that will alleviate your worries, and I cannot provide one for you. First, I see that you are married to this woman; therefore, you have a history with her. I do not see any mention of it being a separation due to marital distress. It looks as if you were separated because of circumstance, and you have been working on making enough money to bring your wife and your child? (you said "them") down to Virginia with you.

You have been parted for five months. Is your wife a secure, mature thinking woman? If so, then she might just be having second thoughts about leaving her home and family (her mother lives near by?). Sometimes the thought of a complete move is stressful and one little disagreement can spark the "fine! I am not moving, then!" That is the easy way. Even the most secure, intelligent women can react to stress in a bizarre manner.

If, on the other hand, your wife is a little insecure with being left alone--has clung to you during your marriage, and has expressed that she does not like it when you leave her, you may be looking at bigger issues. For the insecure woman, six months is an eternity. She begins to look for other ways to deal with her loneliness and other people to validate her self-worth. My guess is that she met someone else, who gave her the attention she craved, and she is not ready to return to you.

You are in Virginia. She is in Michigan. How much backing off does she really require? What she is telling you is to "back off emotionally." She does not want to hear your voice, she does not want you to plead with her, and she does not want to hear that you love her. If hearing that you love her makes her uncomfortable, then something is definitely up. Most likely, she cannot confess to feeling guilty, and it is not that she doesn't want to hurt you (she already is hurting you), but that she does not have the inner-strength to appear to be the "bad guy" in the relationship. She would much rather place the blame on you.

My guess is that she is having an affair and will not admit it, until she is positive that this other person will provide for her--make a commitment to her--as you have. What you can expect is that she will remind you of some of the things you have done in your marriage that "drove her away." She will begin to blame you for the problems you have caused in her life. If she does come to you, she will be very depressed because the other person in her life rejected her. You will, of course, love her even more to ease her sadness, but she will push you away because she already knows that she can do "better," and she has already convinced herself that you are not the man she wants.

What can you do? First, you need to know what is really going on at home. You need to find someway--someone to get the facts for you. You might not want to know the truth, but you HAVE to know, in order to 1. repair it. OR 2. move forward in your career and in your life.

Were you wrong to continue to call? NO! If there is an ounce of true love in you, why wouldn't you continue to call? Relationship=sharing, honesty, and communication. If it is all one-sided, then what you have is unrequited love = you are miserable, helpless to move things along, and a thorn in her side, if you know what I mean. She is pushing you away to prepare for the big split. You need to protect yourself right now. You need to focus on your career and not let this affect your work, no matter what. You need to talk to a base attorney (and, as another has suggested a chaplin or counselor) and ask him hypothetical questions, such as, "What if my wife is having an affair and wants a divorce?" You need to start looking at protecting your assets because on top of everything else, you do not want to lose all you have worked for. That means, keeping money stashed away--out of your bank.

Finally, you need to come right out and tell her that is doesn't matter what is going on, but that you need the truth. If she does not reply, then you are screwed.

I hope that I am wrong because I can tell you really love your wife. However, I have seen this scenario play out too many times, and I think that now, you have to start loving yourself. Do not let her drag you down with guilt. Know that you are doing the best any man can do. Keep your chin up--don't break down (that will repulse her). Be stern with her, and do not give into her drama. Finally, stop calling. Make her come to you with her answers. This may take longer than you would like, but you will know the truth soon.

Answer 8

Being in the service is lonely....you feel disconnected from everyone you care about and if you're having marital problem that's makes it even worse. Go talk to a chaplain or a counselor they've heard this kinda stuff a million times. Stop calling her....it's just making both of you upset. Please talk to someone there because they can help you with this.

Answer 9

were you separated because of problems or the navy? it seems she is hedging a little. maybe out of fear..maybe because of something you did in the past..or maybe because she has someone else. who knows.. but i agree with her... if you continue to push you will lose her. i would not wait for an answer for ever..and i would not beg... but only you...know what type of husband you were before. so only you can answer..really ..why she is not running into your arms. you say everything was going fine. what does that mean. that she talked with you.? was she excited... making plans. there had to be some signs..you missed. so you have to slow down..and wait. if you have kids..talk with them if they are old enough...and do not pressure mom.

Answer 10

Why is she upset with you? Is it because they were not able to be with you in Virginia? Is there anyway you could go to her and talk about the problems in person and figure out a way to make things work? This would be hard and very frustrating. She really does need to talk to you.